I’m 40 years old and today is the first day I admit I’m an addict. Alchohol mostly but pornography, recreational drugs over the years, prescription medicines, basically anything that helps take away the anxiety and numbs life out. I’ve made mistakes in life, bad ones, and hurt those I love with anger, being drunk, neglectful and just a shitty man. For the past few years I just didnt care if I drank myself to an early grave, but I can’t allow my family to watch me destroy myself any longer. I’ve recently lost my career and potentially my wife in a three year downward cycle - and spent the past four months consumed with guilt, anger, shame, disgust. Visiting some dark dark places yet still resorting to alchohol and shame ridden escape even though its cost me everything. I have an anxiety disorder and in the past have made excuses but I need to face up to it. I’m an addict. I’m two days sober today. The anxiety is insane and getting lost in a drunkless mist of pain for another 24 hours seems the easy option. So here I am because I’m ashamed of the mistakes I’ve made and where I’ve got to, but I want to be better and take back control.
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Hasn’t cost you everything yet, you’re still alive.
Today is the answer, just do it right today, put yourself in a position to succeed today.
It does get better, your post sounds similar to mine almost 4 years ago when I got sober. Today life is guilt free, never in an extremely dark place like before and worth living.
Welcome to talking sober, hope to see you around often
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Welcome, Willbee. It sounds like you have made a decision and you are ready to take some action. Here’s a thread full of ideas that people here have used to get and stay sober.
Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.
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Welcome Will! It took a lot of courage to write all that. Stick around here and you’ll find lots of support to choose a better future.
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