I wouldn’t allow anyone to talk to me the way I talk to myself.
I think that’s true for a lot of us, and that’s really sad. Especially when we are doing all of the difficult work that comes with battling addiction and getting clean/sober.
Sometimes I don’t even realize how mean I am being to myself. I have been mean to myself physically and mentally for such a big portion of my life that making that shift can be difficult.
Other people’s kindness and compassion have helped me immensely in my recovery journey. It is about time I show that same kindness and compassion to myself.
Just a few thoughts I wanted to share, and a reminder to…
Be nice to yourself. What we are doing is difficult, beautiful, and worth it. We have good days, bad days, and anything in between. We are human. We are worth kindness from others as well as from ourselves.
Good topic, and certainly a tough one. I’ve said and sometimes keep saying some nasty stuff to myself. Personally I have a lot of work to do! Thanx for the reminder!
I feel as though negative self talk can be one of life’s more difficult things to overcome. It requires a level of mindfulness, as well as redirecting our ingrained thought patterns. For me it almost feels like when someone tells you, “Don’t think of a pink elephant.” & Now here I am envisioning a hot pink elephant. But with practice everything becomes easier. I look forward to the day that loving myself is just second nature.
I remember the first time I realized, after I got sober, that I was putting myself down mentally. I don’t really remember what was on my mind, but i I just remember I kept telling myself I was stupid, that I couldn’t do what I wanted to do, and just putting myself down with very negative self-talk/thoughts. There was nobody around me, it was just me putting my own self down. I still struggle to see the good in me, so I also enjoy hearing others perspective of me, especially when they’re able to bring my good attributes to my attention. It’s good to know I’m not the only one that feels this way.
It is my opinion that everyone on this earth is granted at least one gift. It may not even be discovered yet, and all the things we go through lead us to that gift we have - or serve to strengthen that gift, (whatever it/they may be.) The point of that mini-novel; we all have something good within us. I firmly believe that.
I definitely relate to this. Knowing others share similar experiences is huge for me. It makes me feel like maybe I’m not so “crazy” after all.
This is so true and thank you for creating this thread. I’ve struggled with being reasonable (and nice / understanding) with my expectations of myself, my whole life. A big part of my recovery journey has been about learning how to have a better relationship and healthier expectations of myself
I can totally relate to this and I actually spoke kindly and softly to myself last night for the first time ever. I wasn’t tracking calories but decided to put in what I ate yesterday to see where I was at and I was over by a couple hundred calories even though I am eating SO much better now that I’m sober. I never in my life spoke to myself with so much compassion, telling myself that it was okay that I was a little over and to be proud of how healthy I am actually being and how much I’m working out now that I’m sober. Tomorrow is day 10. I just want to be kinder to myself. I’ve always spoken to myself with such hate and humiliation. I don’t want to ever be like that again
Your right someone talks to me the way I talked to myself. I’m ready to throw hands.
I’m a perfectionist, perfection is never enough, I can always beat myself over the little things I could do better.
I did my evaluation today with my supervisor, the evaluation was I evaluated myself he evaluated me same questions and we would meet to discuss it, he said damn dude don’t be so hard on yourself. I look at how you evaluated yourself and I couldn’t believe it,
He referred to me as a leader, an innovator and how I’m always inspiring others to greatness. He said Yano all those people who are taking on more roles, they are doing it cause they saw you do it and how your always willing to help,
@Sami413 your in young sobriety, your appetite will grow a bit some people get a sweet tooth, it will all balance out soon enough and you can find your inner balance
Thank you for this post. Today was one of those days where I had to play the tape all the way through all day. I’m worried about something that’s five weeks away… in my head it’s worst case scenario. So I start thinking I might as well just quit my job and go drink. But I was just on this site reading through things. Calling people. But pretty quickly I realized how insane that solution sounds of going back to a drink about something that’s five weeks away and I don’t even know the outcome. I do need to be nice to myself. Or better to myself. I need to realize that my accomplishments so far are significant. So thank you
Such an important topic! Some of my addiction has come from past trauma and I had a fantastic therapist who asked me to visualize myself in an old trauma and speak to myself the way I would speak to someone that age who needed my help. It helped to have big me say to little me that I was safe and worthy of help while I held her hand. It seems hokey but it cracked me right open. Happy healing to all.
I totally agree that it’s something we do without even realizing, and it hard to get rid of the habit. Sometimes I get mad about irrelevant stuff at work, and I blame myself. I’ll start the self talk at my desk! My colleague will then say to me “don’t talk to yourself like that”, but until she tells me, I don’t even realize…
@Sami413 That’s so awesome that you were able to show yourself that compassion!
@Fury I definitely understand the struggles of being a perfectionist. One of the biggest examples for me is housekeeping/animal care. I go 110% with those things. Then add in parenting, work, recovery treatment. There’s no “me time” and if I slack in any of these areas I feel this overwhelming anxiety.
@Bluekoolaid You are so welcome, I am glad to hear that you found this helpful. You got this.
@Ciri Welcome to the ST forum. I definitely understand the struggles of self hatred. It swallows you up & is just heavy. I’ll definitely be rooting for you! Sending you healing, love, and light. You got this.
For me self love got a change as soon as i understood the value of acceptance.
If/when i can accept the mere fact i am human and therefor imperfect i can be compassionate and that results in a gentle me to me.
And an awesome bi product was that this proces results in me having more patience a d compassion for anybody.
It is something I have to practice on the daily.
I pray for an open mind an honest soul and a clean day
This is a wonderful topic ~
I often speak poorly about myself when it comes to my work. I hate evaluations and mine is coming up. I’m really anxious and I just don’t want to experience another fu@#ing performance evaluation!
I need to do a better job of telling myself that I am a good leader and employee. I just have a really hard time. I’m trying to begin my work days with positive affirmations in the morning to help my self esteem. I’m working on it-ODAAT. It’s still pretty tough though….still struggling.
What we are doing is difficult, beautiful, and worth it. We have good days, bad days, and anything in between. We are human. We are worth kindness from others as well as from ourselves. 
It requires a level of mindfulness, as well as redirecting our ingrained thought patterns. For me it almost feels like when someone tells you, “Don’t think of a pink elephant.” & Now here I am envisioning a hot pink elephant. 
But with practice everything becomes easier. I look forward to the day that loving myself is just second nature. 
I firmly believe that.
It has definitely been a life long struggle for myself as well. Here’s to us all improving in that area. 
You got this. 
I definitely understand the struggles of self hatred. 
It swallows you up & is just heavy. I’ll definitely be rooting for you! Sending you healing, love, and light. You got this. 
