I often struggle with the difference and it gets me in trouble. I put myself in positions that I know I shouldn’t for the benefit of other people and it ALWAYS ends badly. I’m really bad at saying no. Does anybody struggle with this?
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Yep.
I am still learning. I find personally that my accountability with my sponsor and my daily recovery phone call partner is helpful. I can talk through the emotions on my mind and it helps me gain perspective.
It’s not like magic - there’s no “switch” that magically makes my life not have opportunities for people-pleasing behaviour (which includes problems saying no) - but the insight I am gaining as I work through my sobriety program is helping me live more wisely and set better boundaries.
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Having healthy boundaries is the best thing you can do for yourself. Especially in recovery. If someone gets upset with you because you have set a boundary that they don’t want to respect, then that person is not someone you should be helping out anyway. Boundaries are not selfish and although you may look at it as putting yourself first, what you are doing is protecting yourself, protecting your relationships with those who do care about you and making sure that you stay sober.
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