I need some advice. My bf has recently relapsed and isn’t answering my calls or messages, the past couple days I have gone over to his house and confronted him and he says it’s because he is mad at himself and doesn’t want me to be mad at him —
We are expecting our first child together within 3 months. I’m a recovery alcoholic as well, but I still don’t understand his behavior. Could someone enlighten me as to how I should perceive this?
Is it time to let go and move on? How can I even get through to him what he is losing?
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this right now, especially while you’re pregnant. Maybe a meeting would be helpful to him or rehab if that’s a possible thing? It would be a great thing of him to step up and try it again especially because there’s a baby involved right now. Don’t give up!!! And well done that you’re still sober!
Check out Alanon. It’s for people dealing with loved ones who are addicts. There are a lot of recovering addicts that go. There are quite a few meetings all over the world. It will help give you some answers and support with this situation. It’s very focused on the codependency aspect of caring for a loved one with addiction and is filled with people in similar situations as you.
At the end of the day, your recovery comes first, especially with a little one on the way. I know a lot of people who have remained sober through pregnancy only to fall back after the baby is born. They are tired, overwhelmed, stressed beyond belief, and it’s hard to be strong sobriety wise when they feel this way. You have to take care of YOU first.
I’m very sorry that you are going through this. I’m sure this is not what you need right now.
He’s obviously not thinking or acting with any clarity so you can’t expect the behavior he had prior to relapse; and I’m thinking he’s ashamed to the umpteenth degree.
I think you have to be selfish right now and think of you becoming a mother to that baby. Good luck hun.
Yeah same here! I’m afraid that she’s going to do everything alone without him and take care of her baby on her own while he’s still struggling with his self… I don’t wish that to her and hope that he’s still going to change his mind because he’s definitely going to regret it for not being there for his child!!!
Thank you all for the encouragement. I can tell the stress is causing me physical pain during this pregnancy so that’s hard.
I thought for a moment he wanted to do the deal because he called his mom for help but she said he wasn’t totally willing so she left. I haven’t spoken with him because I know he is sick and I can’t listen to him the way he is. I’m trying this prayer thing and hoping it works. I don’t want to lose the love of my life, but I can’t afford to lose what I’ve been working for either.
The most important love of your life is YOU. You deserve your sobriety and a sane unchaotic pregnancy and home. Love yourself FIRST and baby 2nd and the rest will resolve itself. We cannot heal or fix even our most beloved other. We CAN heal ourselves. Choose YOU. You are worth it.
A child needs a father and a mother. Offer him to work sobriety together, hopefully he will accept. And thank you for being bold and continuing with the pregnancy although the difficulties
