That is a big oof indeed. I don’t want to repeat what everyone else has said, but I really hope this is just a temporary bout of selfishness on your ex’s part, and she becomes more reasonable. 
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@Englishd By chance have you asked your ex to have coffee so the 2 of you can sit down and talk this out? Does the cost of living increasing play a part, is she depressed due to something totally unrelated to you and your current GF? Does the $1000 go through the courts or was that just you doing right by your bonus daughter? And maybe open up and share your fears and feelings with your current GF so she doesn’t become an innocent bystander. What would really suck is if the former GF succeed in playing a part in the breakup of your current GF. Don’t let her (ex) win.
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Sorry to hear this Derek , love looking at your days out and breaks with your lovely kids and your beautiful GF . As for your situation with your Daughter i dont know what to say . .powerless over people.places and things. And maybe sit down with Jessica and have a chat clear the air dont abandon what youve got for something you cant get . i wish you well always here if you need to talk buddy
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That’s awful, I’m so sorry you’re going through this, Derek. It’s horrible when people use the kids as weapons against their exes. Especially as the kids end up being the ones suffering the most.
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I’ve tried to have multiple conversations but as it stands now we aren’t speaking. I still have a lot of anger so limited interaction is probably for the best. I understand how this could be upsetting to her but I haven’t done anything wrong in living my life. She has a partner (she cheated on me with him) that she is also building a life with and I was as supportive as I could be around that. I’m taking a passive approach to everything right now. I’m not sure if it’s helping or not. But it’s not making things so at least lol
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A meme for every occasion. I thank you for a bit of humor around this.
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Has she explained what her actual issue and reasoning is? I bet your daughter is telling her she misses u i know my daughter would if i stopped her going to her dads as much…thats got to pull on her heartstrings surely…i wonder if her new partner has any part in this…i think maybe take some time to cool off a little then try again with a proper convo…many times ive had to swallow pride, bite my lip and play the game with my often very unreasonable ex to get what i want for my daughter which is a relationship with her dad
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Maybe after the cool off break there could be a convo w a mediator person. And the real motives and feelings behind this nonesense could be brought to light and aired.
I can only imagine how you must be hurting. Awful.
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This is the cynic in me speaking, and feel free to tell me if I’m off base. But could this be about money? Like, her seeing you can afford these trips that she maybe can’t and using your daughter as a way of getting you to pay more?
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Considering she just filed to increase the child support I think it’s likely. I’m NY even with 50/50 custody the parent with the higher income usually pays. However her income has more than doubled since our last time in court so I expect the court to lower the support.
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Man, this sucks so bad. It’s hurtful to everyone included and so sad. How hard it must be on your daughter- to have the only Dad she has known be taken away for such a petty reason 
I can understand your anger. Thank you for being open and I hope you got some kind of relief from your trauma dump.
Legal question- If you never adopted her, why are you paying child support? If you are paying child support shouldn’t there be a legal custody agreement?
Edit- I just thought of that the child support is probably for your son.
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It’s a rough thing when one parent uses custody to leverage another. I went through such a thing with my ex-wife. She went so far as to psychologically manipulate my son to the point he didn’t want anything to do with me. I can only reason that my ex was resentful that I had remarried and was moving forward with my life.
I know that feeling of powerlessness, the hurt, the frustration.
Those close to me who knew about the situation counseled me to fight it out with her, in court. Something told me it would be giving her the knowledge that she was having an effect on me.
I chose to wait it out, and I did for eight years. During that time, I never missed a holiday or birthday. I’d send letters and packages certified so she’d have to sign for them, just in case she wasn’t going to give them to my son, I’d have proof I’d sent them. Fortunately, she did pass them along.
Patience is a virtue, and a good strategy. When my son was older, he’d come to realize what his mother is about. He reached out to me. We met and had a talk. He met my wife, and his little sister. Today, we are happy and close. He’s come to see my wife as his bonus mom, and absolutely loves his little sister.
He limits his contact with his mom to the bare minimum.
I guess what I’m trying to say is this: you keep getting better at getting better. You keep building on the good man you are today. Make the most of what time you do have with your daughter, and one day, when she has a vote, you will find she remembers all these times fondly, and your relationship will prosper.
Water flows around the rock. The rock may cause some ripples and churn in the moment, but the water flows past, and in time the rock is worn to sand.
Be the water.
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I was going to elaborate on this today.
@Yoda-Stevie reply did it for me in such a beautiful way.
I am guessing that your daughter is 4 or 5 and that you are let’s say 35 or so.
It doesn’t matter.
Time passes quickly.
At some point she will be able to make her own decisions.
I wanted to elaborate on always being there for her, always sending her gifts, and being there as much as you are able to despite the adversity of the circumstances trying to separate you from her.
Gifts simply show you care and are thinking about her.
( Not about money)
Should you decide to do something like start a college fund for your son, then do the same for your daughter, should you choose to do so.
After a certain period of time as Yoda-Stevie showed, there will not be restrictions and hopefully the two of you will have a long and happy life together.
It doesn’t solve the hurt of the every day now but it gives hope for the future.
Big hugs and thoughts.
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This is devastating to read, and I am just really glad you put it out there as I know its not always easy to do.
I just have a minute so havent read through the responses, and apologize if I am repeating anything others have stated.
This situation just sounds very wrong, and it make absolute sense that you are struggling, angry and depressed. I hope you are able to talk to your girlfriend about this, and when you are in those moods even just simply stating “I miss my daughter, and this is hard for me to cope with” would probably cut the tension in the moment. As a wife and partner I know when my husband is troubled, but sometimes he is quiet about it or in his mind (I believe as men are taught to be, and socialized to keep it to themselves or whatever I wont go there…) and then when he says, this is whats botherinf me or this is what it is, its amazing how for me its like “oh!!” light bulb and it softens things between us. When we are emotional, and perhaps its coming out (as you say she may be taking the brunt) she of course knows this is troubling you but in the moment may not have a clear connection of “why are you being like this!!!”. Anyway, as a woman and wifey, just wanted to share thwt as I know when my hubby vocalizes things, even if he doesnt feel like talking aboutbit but just says it, I soften and he breaths a bit and then we are at each other less. In partnerships there are no YOUR problems and MY problems, they are OUR problems…I think women have an easier time speaking their mind to their partner, and for men it is more challenging (generally speaking, of course). I am not sure if you see this relevant to your dynamic.
As far as your daughter. This makes me very angry, as I have a little girl and I am a daughter myself. I know the importance of the father role, and also how devastating it can be to not have that or to have two parents dueling during a separation. It sounds like this is about money…maybe when the dust settles, you guys could figure it out between you. Even if you arejt speaking now, if its about money well…then it is. And you can go from there. Its not the way to go about it IMO, but it sounds like shes a bit jealous and perhaps her partner is also saying things to her. Anyway, none of that matters…I just am thinking of you. This is devastating, and though right now may not be the time to process through AA I think absolutely diving head in on the resentment will help you clear your mind so you can move forward in a way that will hebbest for you (if that makes sense). Like start praying for this B***H and see WTF happens.
Stay strong Derek. Im thinking of you and will pray for this Bish too. Xo.
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I’m sorry you are going through this. It sucks.
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It sucks to feel that helpless. I wasn’t prepared for how things would change with my daughter when her mother and I divorced. It didn’t help that I was drinking heavily before and after the breakup, for many years on into her adolescence and young adult experience. Lots of shit went down, and to this day, I describe the relationship as polite and strained. That’s an improvement over estranged, which was the situation for a decade or more.
Anyway, you are the one going through this now. And man oh man, you are so fortunate to be going through it sober. You can feel the hurt and know it won’t destroy you, you can grieve and live.
Blessings on your house, Derek.
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So if you pay the child support, shouldn’t you be able to get consistent visitation to see your daughter. I’m sorry if I’m being too intrusive. Or is that support issued for just for your son? I know you also said you’re familiar with family law sooo I kinda feel dumb to even ask lol. 
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