Binge drinker guilt

Emotional Support
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Hi everyone, I’m new here. I have never joined a forum like this, but I really needed to talk to someone who understands the pain, and guilt, and anxiety I feel because of my problem.

Anyways, just a little bit about me. I’m a 36, work-from-home, single mother, and have been binge drinking for about 10 years or so? I drink once a week, and sometimes once every two weeks? I don’t know when to stop drinking, and will only stop when I have passed out, or I cannot obtain the alcohol for whatever reason.

You are probably wondering now how old my child is, and how is he health wise? Well, with all that drinking, can you believe during my whole pregnancy I did not drink? Though there were days I wanted to very badly, but didn’t.

Anyways, of course with all this drinking, of course I have gotten in trouble with the law. I have two duis because of my drinking problem.

I don’t know what else to do, to stop this problem, but the only thing I can think of is to do a complete life style change, where I will have to change more about myself than the drinking.

Anyways, I can’t describe enough in words the pain and guilt I feel each time I let someone down, or end up hurting someone that I care about because of my problem. I’ve lost so many friends, and even family members due to this problem. And I fear that one day I may lose everyone. Is there anyone hear that can relate to me, and give any advice?

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I can’t relate to the specific situation you’re in but I can relate as I am in recovery for alcoholism. Alcohol is poison, what matters is you are understanding the destruction of what alcohol does to one’s life. It is not worth it and the sooner you are able to walk away the better for your own life to get back on track

Put in the work, join AA, go to rehab but do whatever it is going to take for you to stay sober because your kid needs you to be brave and pull ahead on this one and pull out the supermom powers :metal: stick around do some reading, try to find some healthier habits like eating good , exercise, new hobbies, even associating with people/friends that may trigger you less is a good idea. But you’re going to have to heal from the inside and find the root inside of why you are an alcoholic. Many of us have been where you are at, it’s time for a change and you can have it but it’s up to you to make it :pray: wish you well :metal:

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Thank you Alexander, even though you could not relate specifically, your post did inspire me, and make me feel better because since I have been thinking about doing an overall lifestyle change, one of the things I have been thinking about changing is my eating habits (Which are terrible, mind you! Too much Uber Eats! )

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That’s definitely a good start I ate like garbage even though I was burning it off going to the gym, healthy habits produce a healthy life. Then you can start adding to it one thing at a time :metal:

But I would seriously recommend doing some self discovery figuring out what is you and who you are, it will immensely help in your journey.

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I’m also a binge drinker. I quit for four years and it was actually pretty awesome. I lost weight, became really active, got hobbies, didn’t have any black outs or regrets. Anxiety disappeared. But I thought I could handle drinking again. Two years drinking again and I’m finding myself blacking out again and not stopping when I should. Wish I could socially drink but it might be all or nothing for some people. The thing about getting sober is that if it you don’t like being sober, the truth is that you can start using again. But I’m finding that sobriety is better. I’m not depressed when I’m sober, and I’m not getting DUI’s. You should give yourself at least 90 days sober and you’ll start finding that you don’t miss it.

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I can definitely relate. I am 39, two kids, tho not a single mum. I would binge drink to blacking out after the kids were in bed and husband was on a night shift for many years. I know the shame of ‘what if my kids need me and I am unable to respond?’, the guilt of being hungover and grumpy, or hurrying them to bed because I want to start drinking.
In my case my drinking got more and more frequent, and encroached more and more onto time when the kids were awake. They saw a lot more than they should.
It was admitting that I really am an alcoholic, and aa that finally got me sober. 400 days tomorrow.

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I’m new here as well too. And I’m a mother to a son as well :relaxed: I’m 26 and I’ve been Binge drinking ever since I was 15…

I recently got diagnosed with liver cirrhosis and I almost died from liver failure.

Alcohol is the worst and I know how the feeling makes you feel good but you gotta think about your health and your son as well too and not end up in the predicament I’m in :disappointed:

Have you tried counselling or AA?

Anyways, I wish you well and good luck on whatever you choose to do :heart:

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Welcome! When I did this, I got sober. Coming here is a great first step. Programs like AA or SMART really help and are worth every second!

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I’m a 48 year old mother of 3 boys and 3 grandsons, also a binge drinker. I was sober 4 months and fell off the wagon back in April. I am a week sober now, only because I have developed some bad health problems as a result of my drinking. I’m not even sure how bad, as I have a procedure I don’t even know how I will afford to pay for Friday to find out. My youngest son (14) lost his dad at 5 due to alcohol use. So, I’m trying to change as to not leave my son parentless due to alcohol. I’m 48 and wish I would have been more serious about changing habits long long ago. Don’t make my mistakes. Drinking will eventually kill you

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Hi, ParaKiss -

I’m not qualified to give you advice on how to approach sobriety because it seems like you may need the help of a doctor and/or a professional setting to get you through the initial stages. But I can tell you a couple of things from my own personal perspective. First, you won’t be able to make any serious decisions about your life until you’ve stopped drinking for at least a month. If you can do that, and I know you can, it will allow you to think clearly and make the best choices for you going forward. Second, I adopted a mantra from a movie when I realized what a bad path I was headed down. “Get busy living or get busy dying.” With alcohol I was moving myself toward an early death. Without alcohol, the rest of my life is wide open to do with it whatever I want. It was that clear to me. And, since you are a mother (I’m a father of 2 kids), think about all of the incredible things you have to look forward to for all of the years ahead. You don’t want to miss anything in your child’s life and alcohol will steal opportunities. If you don’t quit you’ll choose drinking over other things more times than not.
Do whatever it takes to stop drinking. Be humble, be strong, be honest … give people a chance to see you getting straightened out. They will forgive a lot if you let them but they don’t want to be around a drunk who isn’t trying to fix her life for herself and her child.
Good luck. I know you can do it because you WANT TO!

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Hi Megan, yes, I’ve tried everything; from treatment programs, to A.A. Nothing seems to work.

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I’m sorry you are having health problems, but reading your post did inspire me to try to stay sober for the sake of myself, and my son.

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Hi @Misokatsu , you definitely remind me of myself with the drinking after my son has fallen asleep, and the rushing him to go to bed, just so I can get to the bottle faster. I’m really glad I joined this forum because unfortunately, no matter how good a friend you have, I think they will never truly understand how hard it is for us, and how we suffer because of this problem.

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Hi @anon83587935 , I have been indeed eating more garbage the last few months, and coincidentally, I have been drinking more the last few months also!

Well, yesterday and today, I ate really well, so I am proud of myself for that. I’m just trying to take the eating better one day at a time.

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Things can get better but they also can definitely get so much worse when we continue to use alcohol. I was a functioning drunk, and felt the same that i had tried everything treatment AA, hospitals and jails didnt help me want to quit either. My kids not even seemed to make me want to stop i was a hopeless alcoholic, but after my last run in the physc ward and problems with the law again, another round of treatment in patient, IOP ive found myself back in AA and im doing this for myself because i actually want to be sober I need to be clean/sober. It takes alot for some of us to finally be sic and tired of what it does to us to open our eyes and see that its going to eventually be our demise to continue fueling our addiction. Alot goes into understanding our problems learning how to clear all the mess out and figure what works to stay sober. Glad to see you here and i wish you well in your recovery. :grinning::+1:

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Hi Jonathanlee213, same with me, I’ve been through it all, and I think now it’s all just become too much, I’m so sick and tired of all the problems it has/and is costing me.

I too, wish you well in a healthy recover.:blue_heart:

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I was a binge drinker throughout my 20’s, 30’s and half of my 40’s. I thought I didn’t have a problem because I held down a good job and because I didn’t drink every day. I remember the regret and misery I felt after I did drink. I think about the humiliating things I did while I was drunk and what an asshole I could be and the relationships my drinking cost me. When I thought about quitting I thought I would lose the fun part of life. I was afraid I would have nothing to look forward to anymore. At seven years sober, I am so grateful that I was able to pull out of that nosedive. I can finally see how sad it was that drinking was my favorite thing. For me the hardest part was reconditioning my mind: relearning how to enjoy myself and how to deal with stress and sadness and disappointment and how to celebrate without alcohol. Nothing I used to love more than going out on Friday night and drinking myself to blackout. So grateful I am no longer there. You can pull yourself out of the cycle and find what works to support you in the transition. It’s worth it. I didn’t work for me until I decided I was done.

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