Thank you for the kind words. He doesn’t want to talk to me. I’ve prayed about it but don’t know what else to do.
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You’ve made a choice to give up alcohol for yourself, and the good of your relationship. He might need some more time, maybe he needs to see you’re serious and are really putting the effort in.
However, theres only so much of this I could personally take. I can understand him being quiet as it’s happened so recently and it’s still raw, but I don’t think I could bear being shut out like this for very long. I’d need his support, not his judgement or being made to feel bad about this event for an extended period of time. I’d need to feel like he was in my corner.
Allow a little more time, then tell him you need to talk.
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Yes you are 100% correct. He just has to see me do better. My words are not enough anymore.
Yes you hit it right on the nose. If I had his comfort right now that would be lovely however instead the situation is being dragged out and my punishment is extended. I understand I don’t deserve him to be nice to me because this is the 292939 time it has happened. I can understand that he is just so tired of it.
Thank you for listening
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You always deserve kindness.
I was a blackout drinker for a long time and the blackouts do progressively get worse. My husband filmed me once too and what I saw was a woman possessed. It was sobering, not then but eventually.
You won’t get far beating yourself up, I fear. Once I was able to accept that I was an addict having a problem with alcohol I was able to offer myself some kindness and start to recover. I’m at 660+ days myself but I could lose that any day if I’m not careful.
There’s a book called Blackout by Sarah Hepola that helped me. She starts the book by trying to commiserate with a friend about how everyone has blackouts when they drink, right? Nope, and you don’t have to either. Sober head on a pillow every night. Sendings hugs.
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Laura, your post really struck a chord with me. There are a lot of similarities between our stories. Binge drinking and blacking out was always a problem for me. Most of the time my friends would tell me I was fine and that they dropped me home in a taxi. Other times I’d (apparently) walk home myself with zero memory of doing so.
Last year, post-covid restrictions I had what felt like an endless run of stag/bachelor parties and weddings, some of them in party destinations abroad. Copious mounts of binge drinking ensued, and I started to think about giving up altogether. Lots of pressure family wise because I was always arguing with my wife, wasn’t available to do anything the next day, and so on.
One of the final straws for me was…I’d went out for the night with “the boys” after we’d been at a football match. Beers, wine, shots, large bourbons etc. I woke up the next day on my wooden bedroom floor, still in my jacket and jeans, boots on etc.
I apologised to my wife instantly, she said it was my youngest son I should apologise to. Apparently he’d had to help me into the house the previous night, and had filmed me rolling about the floor. Embarrassed isn’t even the word. Mortified is probably more accurate.
I fill my time with work, gym, and housework/chores, whilst making sure I eat and drink properly.
The most difficult thing for me has been how I’ve had to be a lot more picky with my social calendar to make sure I don’t get into situations with a lot of temptation. Most of my friends have been congratulatory, but some others I’ve barely heard from in the 13 and a bit months I’ve been sober.
I joined a gym, got me a personal trainer, attend fitness classes 4 times a week, and competed in my 1st powerlifting comp at the end of last month.
I wish you all the best in your journey. You can do this.
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Thank you for your reply and thank you for the book suggestion !
How did your husband deal with the blackouts ?
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He often didn’t know I was blacked out until I told him the next day. He is now very supportive (and grateful) for my sobriety. We used to have awful fights. Life is so much more manageable for me sober. 🩷
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My fiancé said the same. Told me to apologize to my newborn. How did you & your wife get through this when you kept messing up ?
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My fiancé has been the one to tell me how I was the night before. I think it’s worse when your Significant other personally sees you themselves. Trying to think of what I could possibly say to him but I know there’s nothing.
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Changed behavior is the best way through.
This thread reminded me of my scariest blackout and that is a reminder I am happy to revisit in my memory only. Thanks. I sometimes need a reminder.
Dig in, find a path to recovery and stick with it. I have checked in every day here for the past 660+ days and I have been sober every day. That is not coincidental.
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I resolved then and there that I was never going to drink and miss out on important family stuff again. I’m always there for my wife and sons now. It took a while for the trust to come back, but it did.
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Thank you for sharing. I hope for positive results as well. Happy Holidays !
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Thank you ! hugs
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