Hi there. I’ve got an issue with binge drinking. I can go weeks without drinking but when I drink I’m drinking to the point of blacking out, causing arguments with my husband, making a show of myself, my personality changes and I don’t like the person I become. Last night was breaking point, we’d had a lovely date day and I got drunk to the point of blacking out again and hubby is now not speaking to me, I don’t blame him. He filmed me last night and sent me the video and it was a very difficult thing to watch. I’ve spent the day with worse anxiety than I’d normally have after drinking, worrying I’ve blown my marriage and looking online for help. I’m at a bit of a loss what to do any help or tips would be appreciated
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Welcome. This is a great place to get help.
My last night of drinking was similar to what you describe. It was over 2 years ago. I have been able to avoid a repeat of that because I have embraced the decision to stop drinking.
My life is dramatically better now.
It takes a lot of work and learning to make that decision and then stick to it. This community is a good place to interact with others who have decided to be sober and participate in recovery. Many people here are involved in AA and similar programs. Many of us read a lot about alcoholism and how we can overcome the urge to drink and gain the freedom of a life without alcohol.
I hope you will explore and learn. In the early days I was on this app multiple times a day. I read regularly in the area of recovery. I listen to podcasts and explore all there is to know.
Annie Grace’s book, “This Naked Mind” was very helpful to me. I also found that taking extra care of myself in the early days by eating right, hydrating regularly, and getting a good sleep routine helped a lot. I’m very committed to continuing these habits and take good care of myself.
When you learn more about alcohol and the brain, you find out that once you are in active blackout drinking, moderation is not going to work. I find tremendous freedom in the decision to be done with alcohol. I don’t have to spend so much time and energy on that awful relationship. And with practice, I have learned to really enjoy myself without it. I have been on several vacations, two years of holidays, and several family weddings with peace of mind, fun, and dignity the next day.
The early days and weeks are challenging as you get alcohol out of your body and begin to make new habits and routines. Hot and cold showers, plenty of good food and sparkling water were key for me. Nowadays I have other routines for relaxation and fun.
Getting sober is the start. After that you can explore recovery, focusing on developing yourself in healthy ways and building a community around you that is not focused on alcohol. It may seem tough at first, but with each day of feeling better, you will find that you are glad to be done with it. My attitude is that I have had plenty and I certainly don’t need any more.
It’s a process and it takes one day at a time. Each day builds on the next and will eventually bring you peace.
I wish you the best! Welcome!
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I’d start by being active on here, reading and talking to people. There’s a good group of people on here who have sobriety and are willing to help you if you follow what they say. Reach out anytime.
Welcome to the community. 
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Thank you, I’ve ordered the book from Amazon. I’m glad he filmed me it’s probably the kick I needed.
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Excellent! Annie Grace has a podcast and website too. She brings a lot of brain science info to you.
You deserve to be free and enjoy your life and love yourself and your husband. I hope things get better for you with these important first steps.
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Welcome Laura! 
Hope to see you here often. Wishing you well on your journey.
Here’s a great thread where others have shared their sobriety tips.
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I really took a lot from that book as well (and quite a few others). Glad you are here. I was also a binge drinker and prone to blackouts and wretched behavior. It is a HUGE relief not having to feel that way anymore. You can let that burden go. 
The hangxiety I don’t miss at all.
There is a bright new world waiting for you. I know it is hard. When you are tempted, and you will be, come here first, read and reach out. The light is always on and someone is always here.
Read as much as you can here. Search on tips and see what comes up. Drink lots of fizzy water and eat real food + whatever fills you up. Take walks if possible. Do not drink. Sleep if possible. Come read here some more. Maybe add Quit Like A Woman and We Are The Luckiest to your reading list. Warm baths. Do not go to bars or parties. Yeah tis the season, but this season is for babying your self and your sobriety. Get the alcohol you drink out of the house. Take another walk. Journal. Warm shower. Go to bed. Read here more. Do not drink.
I am guessing your husband also drinks? Mine did and does. It took him some time to understand no, I could not have just one or two. I can have zero. It is an adjustment for the partner as well.
Glad you are here and hope to see you around. Lots of good support available here.
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Hi Laura, welcome to the TS family. This place is my only sober support group and it’s been invaluable. I come here every day. My advice would be that you write a letter to yourself. Write down exactly how you are feeling now and how you felt watching that video. Write it all down!… did this in the beginning of my journey and when ever I thought about going back to alcohol I read my letter to myself and this stopped my craving instantly. Remember that nothing changes if nothing changes! You are worth a calm, safe sober life….we all are! Stick around on here, it helps knowing you are not alone. 
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Hi I am literally reading your story and understanding everything. I over drank last night and my fiancé is very upset. My anxiety is getting to me. I hate when he doesn’t want to speak to me. I miss him. I said I was sorry but he doesn’t want to hear it. He said he sounds like a broken record so he had nothing to say to me. I don’t want him to think negative of me or most importantly not want to be with me. I told him today I am done drinking. I guess I just have to show him but the time that is going to take gives me anxiety. I wish I didn’t drink last night.
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What helped me was to avoid the first drink. It’s the only drink that matters. If you don’t drink the first drink, you won’t blackout/binge. I got my newborn 2 days ago, and I would never have him if I didn’t choose every day to not take that first drink, every day since couple of years now. You can do it.
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Someone on this app told me… “Changed behavior is the best apology”. That really stuck with me. I’m still in the beginning phase of practicing being alcohol free myself, but I hope this speaks to you the way that it spoke to me. Don’t give up. Keep going!
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So all of that said do you want to be sober? Are you willing to seek outside support on a daily basis to support your sobriety?
I had my baby 5 months ago. I drink because I get bored and feel like I deserve some fun also however it ends in not knowing when to stop and getting drunk. Every single I had my baby I can’t go out anymore , I don’t get to have any fun however my partner gets to go out. He is mad at me about getting drunk. I know it’s not an excuse but I wish he would understand.
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Thank you everyone for your replies. I want to stop drinking completely. I don’t know what set me off on Saturday I checked the ring camera and we were laughing and joking coming in but it’s a complete black out. I drank way more than I would do even on a ‘normal’ night out and was mixing drinks which isn’t what I normally do either. My anxiety is through the roof and I haven’t managed to eat a thing now since around 5pm Saturday. I clearly have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and this isn’t a one off it’s happened so many times I don’t want to ever make my husband feel the way he did on Saturday again because of my bad actions
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Thank you. I don’t really drink in the house, the odd glass of wine but I’ve never been a big home drinker. That said there was a bottle of wine on the side with one glass gone from it and I poured it away yesterday. My issue is drinking when I go ‘out out’, I get to a point where I just can’t stop and my behaviour is appalling, I turn in to the complete opposite of the person I normally am and then spend weeks hating myself. I sent my husband a screenshot shot of my post, I want him to know I am serious about not drinking again.
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We will get there, one day at a time. I feel more guilty as we had a really nice day and I know he spent a fortune treating me and I have literally just thrown it all back in his face with my behaviour when we got home
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Ok, so you’re isolating some problems here. That’s progress.
Why don’t you get to go out? Why can’t your partner look after your 5 month old for a bit and let you go out? There is no reason. I’ve had 2 kids and you better believe I encouraged my wife to go out. Being alone all the time with a baby is maddening.
It sounds like you’re drinking because you’re lonely, which makes sense if you’re stuck in all the time!
Also, what do you mean “go out”? Do you mean “go out drinking”? What about mother and baby groups, baby exercise groups? Local library - they often have mother and baby classes… you’ve got to build a slightly different social network with a small one.
A really useful tip I found here - think HALT - are you hungry, angry, lonely or tired? These are high risk states for an alcoholic to be in and increase our likelihood of drinking. Whenever you think of drinking think HALT and DO something else to distract from the desire. It will pass.
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Being a going out drinker could work well in your favor. Especially if you can curb your going out for awhile to gain some sober time and sober muscles. This would be a good thing to discuss with your husband, that it is important to stay away from tempting situations until you have some time and confidence on how to avoid the drink. That was really important for me and many others who were in similar situations.
Definitely pour out any wine in the house or give to friends. I still don’t keep any in our house, it helps.
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Thank you for your reply. I guess it’s my fault because I never want to go out unless it is with him. I might be too attached to him. I want to do everything with him which is why the fact that he is upset at me and doesn’t want to be near me or speak to me is giving high anxiety. I really wish I didn’t drink that night and none of this would be happening .
Yes I feel the same. Like such a failure. I ruined the day once again ! It’s crazy because at some point , I feel like it’s not even me anymore. I would never openly choose to do anything irresponsible so I don’t understand why I can’t just stop drinking once I have a slight buzz. How is your husband ? What did he say in response to your screenshot ? Is he speaking to you ?