I guess this is my first blog entry for this community.
I’m more of the “standing in the background and cheering for others” kinda person and I rearly leave comments under YouTube videos.
But I noticed that there were no entries about the topic of eating disorders and how they can be precived as an addiction.
As a way to create dopamine for your brain, so you can feel happy for like 30 minutes and hate yourself afterwards.
I know that there are more than just a few eating disorders, all of them equally life-destroying and toxic for your mental health.
I want to focus on binge-eating though, not only because I suffer from it (and try to live with it) but it is rearly talked about in and on itself.
When you think about eating disorders your mind directly wanders to anorexia and bulimia, and even if they are horrible disorders, I think binge-eating should be more present in peoples minds.
So I am 19 years old, turning 20 on the first of January.
I know. I feel very special each year on New Years.
And I weigh about 297 lb/ 135 kg.
I was always the fat child, getting fed with McDonalds and never being allowed to leave the house as a girl in a strict muslim household.
I never could explore sport clubs for kids in my neigbourhood or could just play outside with friends so I packed on the pounds.
My abusive father made my life a living hell and sooner rather than later I found comfort and consolation in food.
My doctors were really racist and fatphobic, saying stuff like
“Well it’s not that bad being that fat is it? At least you have a big nice ass”
Mind you that I was 14 when this was told to me by a 76 year old male doctor.
“Isn’t your mom turkish? You folk love to eat isn’t that right? Just tell her to cook less and you will be fine.”
Just a couple of weeks ago I found out that my thyroid wasn’t functioning properly, and that it probably also was affecting my weight, mood and hormones.
I guess better now than never.
Back to the binge-eating though, I decided to treat my eating disorder like a form of addiction.
Not a bad habit, that I could just stop whenever, but a hard fight between me and my brain.
What I should also mention is that I am planning for a Weight Loss Surgery right now, and that my unhealthy weight is being cared for.
The work before and after that though, I have to do.
I can’t just ignore my disorder and think that a smaller stomach will solve all my problems.
If I don’t start working on this eating disorder, I will potentially hurt myself in worse ways later on.
I am on my 3rd day as of now and think that keeping track of the ‘clean days’ is a great way to motivate myself.
This is it for now.
I would love to read your opinion on the topic of treating your eating disorder as an addiction.
Do you think that is an approach that makes sense?
Do you have any experience with disordered eating?
Thank you for reading through this mess and sorry for any grammar mistakes (my main language is german).
Love you all,