No binge eating today. Had a great day, cuddled with my cat Kelly. 
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Awwww. I love kitties. 
How are you holding up?
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Doing pretty good so far!
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Hello Aleya.
I also had/have problem with binge eating. Glad to hear you’re doing well. Is there something special you’re using not to relapse?
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I have been mainly focusing on eating enough because restricting is my biggest trigger. And making sure my meals have a balance of carbs, protein and fat.
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That is really great idea and I found it helpful too. I am not restricting anymore for last approx. half year (probably longer) which is good. I do a lot of running though so I don’t have to in order not be over weight.
If I wouldn’t have another health and mental problems caused by the binge eating I could even live with it.
Unfortunately it means that I must sort some part of my life out. I am obviously “eating something away”. That’s the hard part for me. The mental work…
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Hi Aleya, this is really excellent handling your binge eating with balanced meals and counteracting the obsession with restricting foods! I’ve also had disordered eating ever since I was a teen. I binged and went through phases of extreme restriction, obsessive monitoring and excercising - all unhealthy and eventually damaging habits as they block our view of the real, underlying issues, whatever it is we try to manage and rectify with our disordered eating. It is great you’re on your way to deal with your disorder. The mental work, as @Jana1988 sais, will be the biggest part of your journey as it is for all of us who seek lasting change and progress. I’m glad you’re in this community where we can support each other and feel less alone. 
Rock on girl.
PS: one thing I find especially helpful to keep in mind when it comes to eating disorders is that they are different to alcohol and drugs in the way that a “relapse” is not such an absolute thing. We can stop drinking, but we have to change our eating habits over time. It’ll take time to sort this out. Don’t be discouraged if you find yourself falling back into it for periods of time. I wish you the best on your journey and of course a speedy recovery, but in my experience, for me the eating comes and goes as an issue these days. Mostly it’s not as much on the forefront of my mind and is not a bloody battlefield anymore. But I can still sometimes stress eat, overeat, obsess about food. And that’s fine, that doesn’t take away from my overall effort and my growth. Just a thought, in case that judging inner voice should start yelling at you…
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Thanks so much for the kind, supportive words.
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Heya. That is very lovely and true what you wrote. Thank you 
I’m quite glad for this topic myself. I went through bulimia to “only” binge eating managing the urge to purge. Thanks a got bulimia is not part of my life for really long time now.
Unfortunately I was lately unable to stop eating before sleep and I would eat literally all sweets I could find which makes me mostly feel sick or in pain, because I have IBS. I believe it’s something I can thank to bulimia for. But longer I am not purging my body is healing and I am able to digest food better now than I was some time ago. However I can see how this binge eating is not doing me any good and I never feel good about it afterwrads. I learnt to accept that it happened and I’m kinder to myself than I used to be in past.
Every morning I write a diary. I start with 3 thigs I’m grateful for and then I sometimes write whatever comes on my mind. Last weeks I was writing about this binge eating and how unhappy it makes me feel. I had really hard days when I woke up with hope that the day will be different but I ended up full of food. It reminded me my alcohol addiction a little bit because it was a very similar powerless fight for me. But as you say - I can’t just stop eating.
Today I know it’s not about food. It’s about what I am “eating away”. I realised that I am often bored, not fulfilled by anything, feeling lonely although surrounded by people, etc. And of course it’s partly also a bad habit when I give in to the urge to eat without even think about it.
So today I had a proper dinner and I consciously made a decission to eat nothing else than what’s on my plate. So far it seems that today is an evening without binge eating after the last weeks episode 
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thanks for your beautiful and honest account @Jana1988! i find it really invaluable to hear how living with an eating disorder can look like even after a serious amount of time, sobriety and work put in to understanding and ultimately healing ourselves. it remains a struggle and work and that is ok! nothing is more toxic than this salvation thinking à la if xyz will finally be achieved, I’ll be healed/happy/perfect/whatever. ironically it is also a root circle thought of eating disorders: if I can only manage my calorie intake/achieve this dress size/run 10K every day, then I’ll be good enough. rather than telling ourselves that a random goal will validate us, or relieve us of our burdens, we must try to live every day with open eyes and open mind, to concern ourselves with the emotional side we used to eat, excercise or drink away. in my case, all of them.
always love your posts cos they have this very healthy honesty and differentiation, Jana. 
how are you doing today, @Aleyadaisey?
hope you had a great day! 
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Doing great so far! Thank you. 
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That’s great to hear! Keep in touch girl!
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Thank to you @Faugxh
When I read your reply here I felt your genuine interest and desire to help / give advice / share and it really warmed up my heart
You seem to be a very lovely person and I appreciate your aproach and the way you’re doing your best to understand and support!
It is always good to hear others’ stories and about their journey. It gives us a better idea about all of this 
we all are dealing with… Either if it’s some kind of addiction or illness like an ED.
I was an alcoholic for approx. 16 years and I lived with bulimia for approx. 9 years. I managed to stop drinking last year in August. As well as many people who managed the same thing, I was unbelievably craving missing sugar intake. I started to eat way too many of different sweets and candies. Of course it triggered my bulimia to an unacceptable stage (although there is not really an acceptable stage for something like bulimia, is it…?).
Somehow I eventually managed to heal from the bulimia, too. I was already seeking help. But then I watched a document where there was something for me and it made me stop purging almost immediately. It was like a small miracle and I’ll never forget about it 
When I have finally got an appointment with an ED centre I didn’t need it anymore. Which was later confirmed by the therapist 
Now I understand that I don’t need to be purging to get something like a “perfect body”. It’s funny because since I stop purging my body is in the best shape in all of those years in my eyes 
Or it might be because I finally like myself and because I accept many things in the way they’re, rather than wanting to change them 
Whatever it is, I am glad that I feel better in my own temple 
The way is never easy. It brings a lot of work. I personally found that I can do only limited time by using my willpower. I can’t use my energy on resisting to things for long. I must find the root. The reason WHY. To realise whether whatever I’m struggling with is really something I want or need in my life.
And it’s always so liberating and mind blowing when I get to that moment of realisation how blind I was! And that I was wrong about things I believed to for such a long time!
Some of the things became to be real and a part of my every day life.
I had no idea that it’s only my belief based on a bad experience. And that it doesn’t mean that the belief is a reality. I love discovering new options, new ways of thinking or viewing this world, people around me and mainly myself!
Btw, I had a sleeping problem. I couldn’t sleep although I felt tired. My nights were dreamless and restless and I would be woken up for a hundred times. I didn’t binge eat / over eat before bed last and the previous night, and I got an absolutely amazing, 8.5hours long, sleep! I can’t believe that all I needed to do was not to stuff my face with a food crap! Wow. That’s very motivating for getting rid of this super bad habits 
I feel so happy and hopeful!
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Can’t really convey how much I loved this post. bookmarked it!
What you say about the root causes and how it feels when faulty thinking becomes apparent as such as so on point. I am in psychoanalytic therapy and my believes are constantly challenged. I reguarly expose some of my thinking to myself, which means unconscious believes become conscious (like you discover “Oh, I apparently feel responsible for the feelings/wellbeing of this person” “oh, I feel shame regarding my sexuality” etc etc) . once they are conscious, they slowly can merge into something else. the process is fucking mind-blowing! I really appreciate what you are saying!
I started drinking all by myself, planned binge-eating and purging all at the same time in my teens. only last year when my therapist raised an eye brow did I begin to see the binge eating and purging at disordered eating habits. It is not something I have done on a regular basis in years, but I would still do it a few times a year until a while ago. I still think about doing it. I have never been to a support group for this and have only one friend to talk to about this, but it has been liberating!
god yes, the sleeping. I still have times where I stress eat and eat to the point of belly aches any time of day and cannot sleep because of it. I actually tend to get bad nightmares and physical cramps in these cases. I still use food as a coping mechanism but I know it is temporary and will reduce again. like when we got our second dog in summer, my man was so stressed out for personal stuff he had going on that we would fight all the time. I ate chocolate from morning till night and not much else. a few times I ate like ten chocolate bars just for “dinner” alone. but I knew it would go away again and did not freak out too badly about it. and low and behold, I am back to a better routine now.
god this post is getting so long, ahhh, sorry!! apparently I like talking about this stuff lol! hope you have a great day and stay close to your own hearts.
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This reply can be triggering!!
Today I ran 30km therefore I had two lunches and I ate some crisps and a whole pack of the big peanut M&M’s. But because of the kcal I burned during such long run, I don’t feel bad about it. I also didn’t eat it straight before bed so it should not influence my sleep
I had really huge cravings for something sweet yesterday at 9pm. It was so annoying to have all these thoughts about different food in my head. Then I just sat down and said to myself, “Well, if you really want it, go for it. But remember how crap you feel afterwards and what no-sleep you’ll get tonight.” And when I thought about it I didn’t want it anymore. The desperate desire to uncounsciously eat and eat and eat was gone. The silly habit tried to get under my skin but hey hou, I have over-came it! I was very proud of myself. An hour after I went to bed and slept like a baby And I woke up so fresh in the morning that I could complete this amazing 30km achievement.
Now I am resting, so satisfied with myself 
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Haha oh WOW! 30K! Indeed you need all the calories and rest you can get after this!! I don’t run but when my man and I go hillwalking for days, that’s how I feel after. It’s amazing!
Very happy for you for your amazing achievement of the long run aswell as overcominf that voice that wants sweets sweets sweets! Great job! I am currently having a good period of feeling full and actually stopping to eat when I am! This is new for me, the first time ever I had this feeling of naturally being satiated in spring time this year! So, I’m happily not obsessing about food atm. That said, I have bought the first chocolate bars in a month this week and I do feel the need to self soothe with that a bit with Xmas and family stress coming up. I’m ok with it and so far it’s nothing very troubling, no binged, just nibbling.
Gotta lift some weights now to get that sweet sweet after burn bliss as you (though nowhere near as much as you after that long run, I don’t do as much! 
), Jana!
Have a blissful mindful day, all! 
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Oh, I am so pleased to hear that you are in a such positive stage! It makes me from some reason happy Maybe because I know how low / bad can one feel and I don’t want it for anybody… Happiness to all the world haha
I am impressed! I think that it’s actually a huge achievement to recognise when you’re full. I don’t have it (yet). I could just eat tones of food and I will never feel full 
I will eat until I feel over-full and it’s not nice. Therefore I’ve learnt how big my portion approximately is until I am full and after eating it I wait for 15-20 minutes to see how I feel. I need the food to lay in my stomach for a while to recognise whether I actually had enough or nor…
What I found very helpful and might interest you too is not to eat with TV, phone, laptop, etc. Basically not to eat while doing something else. If I eat and concentrate on something else, I end up over-eating or binhe eating, because I didn’t pay any attention to my food and I mostly don’t even know how the food tasted. But if I look at my food on the plate and eat it consciously I usually don’t tend to over or binge eat.
It also helps not to eat out of boredom or habit. Sometimes I want to eat only to satisfy my feelings while watching a movie. But if I should switch the movie off in order to consciunously eat, I usually find out that I am not that fancy to grab the food. Then I know that it’s not eating because I’d be hungry but eating out of emotions = emotional eating, a habit, my illness. And so I can say “no” to it
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