I’ve been so hard on my self, every day is a battle with my inner self, the guilt of not been a father, I have 5 kids and is been years haven’t see them, 8 months ago another baby was born so now I have six I put my self in rehab and detox when the mother was 5 months pregnant, did rehab and sober living for 9 months, the baby was born in June and my self was happy but always overthinking if I’m doing my new habits for the better of my self and of course the baby. Every piece of the puzzle was making sense, and boom before the baby born,I had a mix episode mania and extreme depression, felt the world is falling on me, I scare the mother of the baby cause Iwas unstable mentally all negativity coming out of my mouth,is like every 4 to 6 months the cycle comes and goes
The more I try to focus on been a good man father, friend the more I fail, I promise my self to be there for this baby, but everything is. Hell I can’t even see the baby y have order of protection, and is killing me, I have a year sober but why I ask my self every day why is so hard to to just live in the present day by day.
I’m struggling with my inner self,