Anyone else bipolar and notice their manic episodes more now that they’re sober? 
it’s kind of freaking me out. I took a photo earlier zoomed in on my eyes and was like oh wow…and now I can tell I’m manic more than I would if I was still using. I kind of love being manic but it’s also kind of scary and overwhelming.
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I tend to be hyper aware of one coming, what ive noticed since being sober is that they arent as bad or as frequent. Without alcohol in my system I find myself easier to read and more balanced.
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I’m in need of advice. I met my gf in AA. We started dating and moved in together. So about 18 months in relationship, planning wedding and all being lovely she suddenly changed. Bipolar episode came. She started telling me that she feels suffocated being a full-time wife and wants to live alone, chase her dreams but is still in love with me, and wants to be happy in a bf/gf situation.
Demanded that I moved to a separate apartment, since she needs peace and quiet time to go thru her episode.
Spent all her money on redecorating the place and cleaned it 24/7 since she didn’t need sleep 
So I have been living separate for the last 2 weeks. And it’s really hard on me. Can’t stop thinking, analysing, etc.
Yesterday I spoke up, saying that I need some support from her, like in words, basically begged her to only affirm me that all is well and dandy and it’s just temporary set back.
She replied that she can’t be responsible for my feelings and she is feeling numb, she doesn’t know if she even loves me anymore. She wants to live her life and I should mind my life.
I backed out, told her, that I understand that I can’t get what I thought I needed from her, and she needs to get this cleared and I will not be in contact, if she knows what she feels, then she can msg/call me.
So I’m not sleeping, I’m not eating and I’m destroyed.
I know I must concentrate on selflove and get by… But I’m so anxious and torn. I live one breath at the time.
We still both sober, she had one relapse in the beginning of our relationship, Im 4.5 years sober.
Luckily I have no desire to start drinking today.
What would fellow bipolar members think of this situation? Is there any advice?
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Aww @Rosenberg that sounds tough! I can relate to her feeling numb in an episode but it seems odd for her to push you away so swiftly. Best to let go and if she comes back to you its meant to be. You dont want to hold on so tight to her you suffocate her. Im sorry you are going thru this my friend
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As cjp said can relate to the feeling of being numb but dont really push people away my worst is in a down period that is when i would push people away and not talk and used to crawl into a bottle , it must be very hard for you trying to understand her episodes it was hard for my ex wife and even more so when i was drinking. If things get better how about joint councelling to help understand how she is and how you feel ?
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