My birthday is coming up next week & I keep having mixed feelings about it. I am happy that I plan to still be sober on my birthday for the first time since I was 15. Well, I’m turning 38. So now comes the guilt & shame feelings. I have had a drinking problem for 23 years & I have tried to quit well over a 100 times. With the exception of 2 years I wasn’t an everyday drinker, but about 2-3 times a week, and well into 12 beers per time. I made a lot of bad choices drinking that I truly regret. I’m also feeling my anxiety creep back up and I don’t have a clue what if anything I want or feel like I’m ready to do, without causing any triggers. But I am going to do everything to stay strong until then & after.
I’m really putting the most effort & work into my sobriety this time around than any other, & I am drawing some strength from that. I actually found this forum by accident simply searching for a sober time tracker. It wasn’t until days later I really started clicking on stuff to see what all was here. Then I found TS & all of you supportive people. I read a lot & I must say I am drawing strength from this place as well.
The only thing I want to do is to stay sober and celebrate my first sober birthday. Worst case scenario, I would rather take some sleeping meds & sleep most of the day away, than to pick up & relapse. I hope by next week my feelings change a little, & I get more excited than fearful by then, but who knows. I can’t help how I feel, but I can acknowledge my feelings & hope that I can make some mental changes before the day. 
First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Im new on here and only a couple days sober but I already have a hard time thinking of friends birthdays coming up I wont be drinking at. Maybe try to take a different approach and think of a fun sober activity you could do idk if you’re a thrill seeker or not but skydiving is one of my favorite hobbies and would recommend it to anyone! It motivate one of my good friends to quit smoking… hard to find things going on right now with covid but I hope you keep your head up and find something fun to do for your birthday without drinks, you deserve it!
Thank you. And skydiving! Wow your way tougher than me lol I would probably puke the whole way down😂 But if it helps with quitting smoking, I may have to rethink it. I just hit 4 days at 9pm without a cig. And been smoking 1/2 to 3/4 pack a day. It would probably blow my mind at the total, but I really wish I had the money I’ve blown on them both over the years.
It is a gift and an honor for you to do this for yourself. It’s the birthday gift that will keep on giving. I hope you won’t sleep it away. I hope that you’ll buy some balloons, bake yourself a cake and have a little dance party. I am 51. I have been trying to quit for 1/2 of my life. Celebrate this choice. It’s a powerful move. It requires more strength than most of the rest of the world understand. It is indeed a cause for celebration, my friend. Live it up and feel and embrace every damn second of it.
This is the reason why we say One Day At A Time.
It’s daunting, intimidating and fearful to look into the future and try to picture ourselves being sober for all the things that we have, in the past, linked to drinking!
By staying in the present and facing each event, day, minute as it comes enables us to not be overwhelmed.
My first Christmas was 6 weeks into my journey, so I did nothing but work through each day as it came.im now approaching my third and I know I’m going to be sober.
I’ve had two sober birthdays now, yes the first one felt odd but I did it because it was what needed doing.
@Lind02 with regards to friends birthdays, again, don’t think about it. Just face these as they come. If, this early in your journey you think you won’t be able to cope, then you don’t go, simple.
If they are real friends then they will understand your desire.
So basically, one day at a time helps us to face each event as it unfolds.
What-ifs are not real!
Happy birthday! I also find immense support and inspiration from this forum. These folks are the best! I haven’t been sober this long in years. I got bummed around my birthday even when I was drinking, so I can only imagine what it’s like sober. But it’s something to be celebrated, now in more ways than one. Congratulations and stay strong!
@EarnIt Thank you for your encouraging words! I do love baking, so that’s definitely a great idea my daughter & I can do together❤️
Omg you and I both! I was only smoking when i was drink so like every day or everyother so now not drinking im actually craving them more so I grabbed a vape and I feel like I constantly have one and that’s not any better. The struggle.
@anon12657779 Yes you are right on! I just keep forgetting to remind myself not to do that. Especially when the family & friends are asking what I’m doing, where at, what time…it just starts to overwhelm me. If I don’t know then the answer even up until that day that they will get from me is “I don’t know”. But I do know that I plan on not drinking, which even if that’s all I know, well I can be proud of that❤️
Yesssss…I noticed I started blowing through my cigs during my recent 20 days sober before I relapsed. Then a few days into this week, I told myself I just have had enough of anything controlling me. I’ve had a lot to learn dealing with both at the same time, but I’m staying 
Don’t forget that we are allowed to make choices regarding our own lives.
No on has the right to make us do things we don’t want to do.
Being sober can and does mean having to be selfish at first.
Nothing should be put in front of our sobriety.
<puts down vape🤣>
It is also my birthday later this month, I turn 39. My last birthday was such a shitshow, due to alcohol, it really was the crowning glory of about 20 years of a slide into genuine alcoholism. It sucked so bad on so many levels. It triggered a four month period of sobriety, and although I relapsed, I am back at nearly 4 months again. I have no idea what my birthday will bring, probably not much, my husband is not much for big gestures, but so long as it is nothing like the shitshow of last year, I will be happy.
Thank you, I find myself always having a hard time saying no and people getting upset with me if I don’t show up but I have to set boundaries for sure.
Well happy happy birthday 
This year with Covid and barely less than two months of sobriety, I spent it watching Hamilton on Disney Plus, eating popcorn with my baby girl, and shopped on Amazon! It was the best birthday EVER!! I pray you have a fabulous birthday as well. Don’t think too hard about it and make a plan 
Happy Birthday. It’s your birthday and you can spend it as you see fit. If you want to stay in, eat a gallon of icecream, binge your favorite shows, then that’s up to you. If you want to spend the day hiking in nature, you are free to do so. If you want to spend it window shopping in a mall, go right ahead.
And if you choose to drink, understand that it is a choice. Not a wise choice, considering your admitted issues with drinking, but your choice nonetheless.
I hope you choose wisely, and draw strength from the results of choosing well. What you may see is if you can soldier through a birthday sober, you can do so every other day.