Last night was my 37th birthday. None of which I can remember because I got wasted. According to my husband I was speaking gibberish. I woke up with soul crushing shame. I wish I could say this didn’t happen a lot but it does.
This year has been difficult. I lost a friend to suicide in January, I got into a car accident in February, then the pandemic hit in March and I’m at my highest weight I’ve ever been (thanks booze). All this on top of fighting depression.
I know what I need to do but I don’t know if I’m strong enough. I wish I could be normal and have a drink or two but I lose control. I have two little boys who adore me but I think I’m the worst person in the world right now. I don’t deserve them.
I don’t know where I’m heading or what I’m asking with this verbal diarrhea of a post. Maybe advice or support from someone who’s been this low? Thanks for reading.
The guilt and shame that you describe is a HUGE reason why I hung up my drinking shoes.
I too didnt think I was strong enough because drinking was who I was, I dont miss it like I thought I would. Pay attention to some of the responses youll get here. There is a wealth of knowledge. Many of us were in the gutter literally so dont think any of its coming from anyone better than you.
Hey, me too, I’m back again trying to get one day under my belt. I have no wisdom but I can sure relate . I need strength too, i pay for abundance for us both…
I know it may feel like you don’t deserve what you have, but what you have deserves you! They deserve best you that you can be.
So you can’t drink like a normal person, so what? If you think about it, what are you missing by not drinking? I can tell you, you won’t be missing anything of value.
Welcome to ‘day one’ of the rest of your life, the best days of your life start now!
Just so you know, nothing you have written is verbal diarrhea, we’ve all been there and had those same feelings, some are still at that point. I’m early in my sobriety having tried before.
Still have hard days, it’s not easy but it is better
I’m not going to wrap it up in cotton wool, your words are words of depression so seek advice and help for that but secondly a life without alcohol will take most of this away and leave you with the strength to sort the rest out. It’s hard I know that, I make all the wrong choices on a daily basis but I can only tell you what I know and that’s if you want a simpler life, Stay sober. You get to choose.
You definitely have the strength to do it, Megan; none of us is any different from you in that respect. I’m glad you’re here and I look forward to getting to know you!
Take care of yourself today. You are not alone; we all have some sad stories; this group of people is such a big help.
Hi. Stay positive!! If I could rewrite my first post, it would be very similar to yours. I was there. I was always drunk here and there. I have made a fool of myself in front of others. I have embarrassed my husband and my kids and I hated it. I wanted to quit. I wanted to drink like a couple drinks like normal people I guess but I never could…I always drank to oblivion. I gained so much weight and I looked so disgusting. Bad skin, flabby stomach and the anxiety really sucked!! But I finally took control of it and yes it was super hard but I made a promise to myself, my kids and relied heavily on my faith. It was sooooooo hard and I really wanted to drink when my body wanted it or just being used to drinking when I was home or out and about. Girl! When I say you can do it…YOU CAN DO IT!!! Yes you can…you can become sober, you can stop craving it and things will get better! I hit 2 years on September 11 and thinking about it…I was completely wasted in 2018 on September 11 during a somber moment in time. You can do it. I have faith in you and all who want to get and stay sober! Just remember it is a life long commitment but it ain’t no thang!!
Welcome Megan! You are not alone. Others on this thread have shared this and I will too: you can do it. You are a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where she can be her full self.
Welcome to this wonderful forum! You can definitely do it! Remember… NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES! I can relate to your words Megan. I’m sorry for the loss of your friend, suicide is such a shocking thing to have to deal with my little sister took her own life on 2017 leaving two kids behind. I suffered with depression and was drinking in order to self medicate. Booze honestly makes it worse. I’m at just over 400 days and I feel so much better! I promise you that stopping will make things better. Stick with us, we’re here for you my friend
My biggest piece of advice is to take this shame, and guilt, and terrible day after feeling and hold on to it. You will need to remember it every time you think about picking up a drink.
I re play my last hangover every time alcohol crosses my mind.
And the only drink you have to say no to is the first one.
Thank you all for the responses. It really means a lot! I poured out all the booze in my house yesterday. My husband is with me on getting healthy. He doesn’t have a problem but is wanting to help me anyway he can. Took my vitamins last night and went to bed early. Day 2 and so far feeling alright. I will definitely be lurking around here and posting occasionally.
I had the same experience this weekend for my birthday. And I am here 2 days sober with you, ready to make a change. Thank you for sharing your story, you are not alone. Let’s do it together…
Your story reminds me of mine. It takes effort but like the others here already mentioned, it is so worth it.
This forum and videos about alcohol on YouTube really are a huge help. You took the first step, great!
No one thinks they can do it, I didn’t. How do I live without booze? How do I enjoy life? How do I socialize? How do I bowl without splitting a pitcher? How do I watch a game without a couple beers? Everyone everywhere drinks.
I was a barely make it to work, blackout and tear ligaments, drive cars into barriers, get the cops called, lose my kids to child services/foster care, become banished from family functions, get repoed and spend every dime on booze type of drunk.
But I got sober. Have been sober for about 32 months. I enjoy life now, enjoy games, bowling, my kids, dinners with mom and helping her with stuff around her house, bought a home, vehicles that are reliable and I can care for, in good standing at work, became a person my kids can look up to and rely on and maybe even want to emulate.
If I can do it, you can too. Absolutely you can too. Don’t think, don’t drink. No more what ifs, you don’t have that luxury. No more just 1s, you don’t have that luxury. It’s kind of liberating when you have that “luxury” anymore, because you can’t “drink like a normal” person.
Hope to see you around, hope you become part of the community and enmeshed in it.
hello, fellow virgo! it might be time to get serious about recovery. meetings, TS, seltzer water, loads of flat water, lenience on yourself to gain a few pounds while you get through this (you’ll loose them). i just celebrated my birthday on friday and imma tell you - i’m thanking my lucky stars i was able to celebrate sober, well fed and with friends who didn’t have to care for me. you can do this!
my little sister took her own life on 2017 leaving two kids behind. I suffered with depression and was drinking in order to self medicate. Booze honestly makes it worse. I’m at just over 400 days and I feel so much better! I promise you that stopping will make things better. Stick with us, we’re here for you my friend 
