Dang it! Why cant i just be happy. Seems all my life ive always been going through crap! Drunk or sober. Ive been sober 1 yr 11 months. Ive been fighting this battle for a long time. Sometimes i dont know what to do anymore. But i still stay sober. I know running backwards is not for me anymore. Not the life i wanna live. But ugh! Things right now i feel like what i have now ill be losing soonā¦ sometimes i wanna be so mean and say F everyone! Maybe my life is meant for me to be aloneā¦ 
5 Likes
Maybe, maybe not. Stay sober, keep working on a better you and youāll find out. Took me 4 years of continued sobriety (and close to 3 years of therapy too) but now Iām really beginning to feel the difference in my life. Still single by the way but then again I never had a real committed relationship in my life. Going back to our old ways will help with nothing. Good days and bad ones friend. Five steps forward, four back. Keep going. x
7 Likes
Iām mostly happy just about everywhere l, no matter what happens. Iām still happy, because I always have hope that itās going to be better. Or sort itself out to the best.
Despite that Iām familiar with the feeling youāre trying to describe. I currently feel like my soul is tired, not in a way that Iām depressed or wanting to end things. More the feeling I imagine people have when they are completely done with things. And Iām so done with living in a constant chaos. I try to avoid drama and things like that as much as I can. But s**t seems to find me. Wherever I turn and itās tiring.
Anyway, my point is, youāre not alone. Maybe youāre not having the someone you wish for, but Iām sure that too will come eventually. And no one is happy all the time. Itās totally okey to tell everyone to F once in a while too.
4 Likes
I get that, sitting here thinking im almost 2 yrs sober. And still vulnerable to everything lol. I will definitely keep going no matter whatā¦ your right maybe after 5 yrs my life will be in somewhat sorted out and i will understand things better. Thanks for your shareā¦ 
3 Likes
Can definitely relate to you. Your right no one is happy all the time. I just need to suck it up. And just go through the crap! Lol.
2 Likes
I certainly know the feeling of āmeant to be aloneā. It often feels like nobody wants me sober either so wtf is the difference? I keep reminding myself that I still have to fight the war for myself. Learning to love yourself is hard, but its necessary and often ignored by being too busy trying to find someone to do it for you.
5 Likes
I find I have to isolate myself, from certain people and places, physically and on a mental level too
1 Like
Letās talk about. What is it you want and what is preventing you from getting it?
3 Likes
Definitely right on that. Im trying so hard. And i am always busy with work and school. Plus the taking care of my home. Im with you on the no one wants me sober. It feels that wayā¦ like would you rather have me drunk off my a** or working on myself. Geezā¦ so much ā¦
1 Like
Thats what i do at times. I like to be alone when things irritate meā¦ because it will get ugly if im angry
1 Like
Thank you so much! I needed to hear that! Your definitely on point with that.
1 Like
I hear u i feel like that sometimes tooā¦im singleā¦i get lonely for a partner but i also love my own spaceā¦ive had some really bad relationships in the past so when i get lonely i kinda think to myselfā¦well Kelly you might be lonely but you are sober and your life is peacefulā¦theres alot to be said for that
4 Likes
Yeah, alcohol literally was my girlfriend. She was always there, always made me āfeel betterā. She lied a lot though. Especially when I woke up and was like ādamn my health is in rough shapeā. It might sound like Iāve āgiven upā but I honestly find some solace in just feeling the loneliness and bathing in it and realizing this is just how it feels to be alone. Itās also helpful to realize that there is a huge difference between an actual relationship with a person and the fantasy I have in my head of being in one. Those are very different. Hard also to think back on the good relationships I did have that I took for granted. All we can do is move forward I guess. Statistically weāre much more likely to be with someone good sober. So I hang on to that.
5 Likes
I get itā¦ ive had bad relationships and a bad marriage also. I am in a relationship now, we are okay i guess. We both come from alcoholic addictions. We help support each other. But the relationship with my daughter on the other hand is difficult. Long story but idk what she wants from me. Im like wtf you just rather have me drunk. She throws all kind of negative crap to me. She said to me yesterday i take life to seriouslyā¦ that made me mad!
3 Likes
Thanks for saying that, I get the āwhatās the differenceā feeling very often, but itās important to remember that going back wonāt help anything, it will just make it all worse.
3 Likes
Hey, congrats on your almost 2 years!! It can definitely take time to get okay with feeling our feelings āgoodā or ābadāā¦just feelings, they come and go, you know? Life is not always wonderful and feeling awesome, life contains both the blah and the rah rah 
. I think we often get hung up on thinking only the happy times are real life or āhow it is supposed to beā. Not so. Life has the full spectrum of ups and downs. Recovery brings us to the space where we are clear and able to ride the waves without turning to substances / behaviors for escape. You are doing great. Fighting against the reality of life is draining, learning we are okay, even with a storm around us, is valuable work in my experience.
You are worthy of your own love and care, feeling up or down. 
4 Likes
Omg thank you for thatā¦ i needed to be reassured life is not always peaches and cream. Lol. But with my 2 years coming up next monthā¦i gotta say has definitely been tough! But i am still sober today. And still goingā¦ although your right on the we look at only the happy times, i think this because before my soberity i was never happy, or at peace. Reasons i drank everydayā¦ i feel now im realizing what life is because now i can seeā¦and no longer numb. I am grateful to be sober. I guess finally growing up at age 40! Lol.
2 Likes
I hear you, I didnāt grow up til my late 50s! And idk about you, but milestones, like your 2 years coming upā¦milestones often made me edgy and feeling off. Maybe that is going on as well?
1 Like
I am definitely feelin that way. Its been going on lately. I find myself trying to handle situations on the postive side. But then again im thinking maybe its just me putting negativity crap into my lifeā¦ 
like making it harder on myself.
1 Like
I think a lot of humans do this. I know I do at times. Learning to cut myself some slack is still a work in progress.
1 Like