I know how this is going to come off but I’m sort of emotionally drained and raw and sad so here it goes anyway.
I was almost a year sober when back in May I fell more into my old ways. It always just “sounds fun” and I’m so out of touch with emotions that I didn’t realize why I was drinking.
I was in a relationship I wasn’t happy with. We moved in together and the wheels came off. Last May was roughly when I started to resent my ex and maybe drinking was some kind of control play or subtle self-h@rm. I was a little shocked at myself for going back out.
I’m in therapy now and maybe it’s the pain of the breakup but I haven’t really craved anything. Sleep. This has been chaotic enough sober. My therapist is 15 years sober. I’m paying out the nose since he doesn’t take insurance but it’s worth it I think.
Mine was a pretty minor breakup compared to some of the nasty divorces you see. I don’t know how anyone has the stomach for relationships anymore. Although I can be a certified basket case.
Sorry you had to experience a shitty relationship/breakup to find your way back. No point feeling resentful about the past. Make a list of the things you want to take away from it: what were the first signs? In detail look at your emotions at the time. Ask yourself some difficult questions. Ask yourself what you’d do different if the same situation happened to you again…
Learn from it. Move on. Create yourself a better tomorrow: one day at a time
I’m sorry to hear about the break-up. Any big change in a relationship is hard, there is no need to compare. And our addict brain will use any excuse to get us back using, I know I have used extremely hum-drum reasons / excuses. I am glad you are getting therapy, and a therapist that knows about getting sober would be a great asset, I think.
I’m sorry to hear about the relationship falling apart. That is heartbreaking, no matter how you come to it. It is so hard to work through something like that.
It’s the kind of thing that washes you out like water washes away a sandcastle. You settle back down, you flow and dissolve and descend - and you find your balance eventually but in the early times it is a sudden and painful loss. I’m sorry
