Body Image - Finding acceptance within ourselves

Life in Recovery
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I am really struggling with body image and trying to retrain my brain on what is healthy?

So… question… What does a healthy body image mean to you? How do think you can achieve this?

I’m trying to find balance in what is a healthy body image for me. My mind seems to be stuck in old ways of thinking when it comes to how I view myself as a woman. I struggle with not feeling very “womanly” anymore. When I worked in the sex trade, I went to extremes (it was almost an obsession) for beauty and to sort of meet/excel what the idea of a “woman” should be. I spent so much money on injections/fillers and clothes and extensions and nails and tanning etc bcuz I needed to portray a certain image to support my lifrstyle at that time. But when I look back at that, I almost laugh and shake my head at the amount of $ spent.
But sadly… I kind of wish that I was able to do that today. Maybe not to the extremes I used to go but I want to look more “womanly”. But why?! Why do I feel the need to look a certain way? Im a mom and a wife and I would never, ever dress that way I used to, today. And then I ask myself… what is a woman supposed to look like? I think my mind is very wired to think that I have to live up to a certain look. And that look is very sexualized. And I am not that person anymore. There’s alot more to me than that.
How can I find a happy medium? This is alot to think about lol just curious what others thoughts are on this.
Thanks :slight_smile:

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My therapist tells me instead of focusing ok the way my body looks focus on the things my body can do. Just thank your body for getting out of bed, for keeping you going. Try to feel grateful for your bodies abilities and it might start to fall into place that you can view your body better image wise. You got this

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Oh wow! That’s a very interesting way to look it. It’s a very gentler approach which I like :slight_smile: I guess it sort of shifts the focus on the outer appearance to what the body is capable of doing. Sort of brings gratitude into the equation instead of focusing on the negative and what I feel I need to change. I like that! Thank u for sharing :slight_smile:

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Anytime I hope it helps :heart:

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A few books I have found helpful in my journey of body image…

Nourish: How to heal your relationship with food, body and self by Heidi Schauster

The Body Is Not An Apology by Sonia Renee Taylor

More Than A Body by Lindsay and Lexi Kite

The Body Keeps The Score: brain mind and body on the healing of trauma by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk

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I suppose I try to focus on health and happiness. Like I go running for the mental boost, or wear a cute pair of earrings because it makes me happy. It is hard being in Japan, where I am routinely refered to as ‘huge’.

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You are not the only one I think who deals with this. So I hope you don’t feel like you are. Most socials and advertisements are portraying unrealistic expectations of our body and image. I had gained weight 1. For drinking 2. Because I was struggling with self love due to feeling I wasn’t like you said keeping up with the “image” of the modern woman. Now that I have stopped drinking and regain some self love through the power of the work I’m doing inside out I am feeling better. I am trying to feed my body better because I want to fuel my body with foods that are good for my over all health. The workout routines to help my body with longevity. I guess what I’m saying is healing from the inside out definitely gives us a better outlook on our outer image and confidence. Little self papering does help too. A mani, new hair cut doing your hair nice for the day. I’ve noticed those help with my confidence a lot. We got this girl.

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Much as @SadMemeQueen said, my body image work centers around being grateful for what my body can do…run hills, bicycle for miles, sit and stretch in yoga, breathe me out of a stressful feeling, have a cleansing poop :poop: …sorry, a little age related humor! Seriously tho, I am grateful my old body works as well as it does. An aging body is a fascinating thing for sure.

I find great comfort and confidence when I visit nude beaches and see us all as we are. It is very freeing to see the gamut of human forms, natural and enhanced. Visiting the nude beach always helps center me back to appreciation and respect for my physical form.

100% one of the challenges of my life is learning to respect, appreciate and love my body where it is right now. Work in progress. :heart:

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I can relate to this alot.
I think when j drank the places I’d be there was alot of attention, be called beautiful numerous times a day. I dont hear that ever anymore and I dont feel beautifull.
I think on the outside with make up and clothes I can fake looking beautifull but underneath those clothes and in my mind I feel il never be beautifull or even average. To me I feel like naked I’m not nice, I can fool myself by trying to wear nice clothes etc . But really I feel like I’m damaged and will never be able to feel happy naked.
This is my perception of myself.
I’m going to the gym and swimming twice a day for the past 2 weeks and I still feel like I’m fooling myself but I’m still trying.
In glad I’m not in the environments where I would be told I’m pretty etc… but it did make me feel good. And now not having that may be what’s causing me to not see my own natural beauty.

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This is a really hard thing, don’t beat yourself up. The thinnest I ever was at 120 lbs (working 2 jobs, going to school) I was in the best physical shape of my life. I was physically strong and looked fit without clothes. I did not feel sexy or womanly and was acutely uncomfortable in my body because I was with someone who treated me poorly. Plus, I drank too much and didn’t like myself. Then I was in my 20s.

Now I’m in my 40s and am starting to feel okay in my body and I think it is because I am starting to like myself again. I don’t draw men’s eyes very often any more and I’m grateful for that. I am starting to learn that beauty and sexuality are not performative. They are inner and precious.

Melissa Febos has a great book called Girlhood. It’s a memoir about sexualizing femaleness from a young age and talks a lot about consent.

I feel like this was a pretty scattered response to an excellent question. All I meant to say is that you aren’t alone in your thoughts. :heart:

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Hi Dana long time no talk I know this isn’t exactly my place but I couldn’t help but share because as a man I always have had and do struggle with my self image almost to a body dismorphia kind of thing. Anyways I heard a woman In a meeting today talk about how she seen old pictures of herself in her addiction and thought damn I was skinny but also recalled still feeling fat at that time. That’s really not my point just sharing that. Anyways as a man having body image issues isn’t something easy to talk about but I do suffer from it but the bright side is I’m starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin these days and honestly. When I was 150lbs I thought I was fat, now at 230 lbs I still feel a lil big but no joke I think I feel more comfortable than I did at 150 lbs because I’m changing the way I feel from the inside. I told my sponsor one day I don’t figit anymore sitting in one place in front of a large groups anymore like meetings which was crazy. He told me it’s because I’m becoming more comfortable with who I am today and that it’s an inside job. Now I do need a lil extra because I know I can do better and feel better about myself by working on eating better which I’m working on and I know in time I’ll start working out it’s all baby steps for me. Anyways I hope you don’t mind me chiming in. There’s plenty of chicks out there that were just jeans, a t shirt, some sneakers and look smokin lol in my opinion too each there own but I do hope u find you’re peace with that area in you’re life soon . I wish u the best good to see ya :v: stay blessed in recovery sis

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That would be mentally challenging Flo!! I’m 5’10" , broad shoulders and hips, wide size 10 feet… I would find it hard also :scream:

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My son who is 21 suffers from body dysmorphia and it is so debilitating on one’s self esteem and confidence.
I’m sorry you’ve had struggles with it also but reading your share, it gives me hope for my son that one day he may also become comfortable in his own skin and see himself as those around him see him.
Its a tricky illness to address and support & understanding, especially for males, is so hard to find :frowning:

Having seen what my son goes through, it makes me really happy to read that you’re feeling alot more comfortable and better within yourself.

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I’ve had alot of body acceptance issues and sometimes still do. I feel like I’ve had to grieve for the body I once had and let that “ideal” go…

I guess around 6-8 years ago I was at what I believed was my perfect outside appearance. Fit, slim, looked young for mid 30s, I had reached my goal weight and was maintaining it. (Internally I still wasn’t satisfied with this ideal though).

Then, I had my 4th child, started recovery seriously (which meant regular meals and eating properly = some weight gain), turned 40 (I’m now 43) and bam my metabolism felt like it hit a standstill. Weight no longer shifted easily, I developed a little extra roundness on my hips, ass and belly lol, went up a clothing size, and grey hairs were no longer kept at bay through plucking. Oh and character lines started appearing…
It’s taken me a while to adjust and accept with who I am today…

Back then I was more superficial, liked attracting attention, excercised and ate to try and achieve the ideal shape and enjoyed being wanted or desired, felt proud to fit into a certain size in clothing etc…

And its interesting because I’ve just re read over what I’ve typed and I had originally typed -

"I feel like I’ve had to grieve for the body I once WAS "

Basically I used to feel that my body defined me as a person (today this makes me really sad to realise) but I guess through personal growth, discovery and realisation that I’m hitting middle age lol and the fact that we are always changing and evolving, I now base my body image on who I am from within.
My body is a vessel that has grown, given life to, and fed 4 babies. It is strong, resilient and courageous. It is loving, nurturing and giving. It has carried me through 43 years of life and I have not always shown it the respect it deserves. My body is amazing! My physical body still exists despite the shit I’ve put it through. How epic is that! I now eat better because my body deserves nourishment, I exercise because it makes me feel strong and keeps my mental health in check… I’m proud of who I am today. Inside and out. I’m not being stuck up when I say that, I’m not perfect on any level and I never will be and that’s ok! Because “perfection” on the outside doesn’t mean happiness on the inside. And I just want happiness, I don’t want addiction battles, body battles, any type of battles anymore. Peace, self love, acceptance and happiness. From the inside and out. And when you achieve that on the inside, it glows to the outside. And in my mind that is so damn attractive and beautiful :heartpulse:

Sorry, so sorry for the long ramble. Your post has made me quite reflective lol x

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You are not alone! So many people feel down about their appearance and it’s a societal issue. Apparently worldwide.

I’d say if you still want to do some of the things that previously made you happy - if you’re doing them for YOU and not to prove your femininity then do it! (Aside from the tanning - please don’t use tanning beds, you’re begging for skin cancer!)

However, if you’re doing it for others then you will need to reframe what healthy beauty looks and most importantly feels like.

For me, I try to focus on what my body can do and how it feels when I’m doing it (ex: I can run but is it serving me/making me joyful to do it). And that to me can help with confidence which is in turn beauty. I tell myself I’m pretty in the mirror looking into my eyes and that helps too! Positive affirmations can be sooo powerful even if you have to fake it at first.

I wish you luck bc this is a daily journey, much like sobriety. :kissing_heart::blue_heart:

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Is it just me or is sobriety and addiction and body image linked?
Many of my day 1s (maybe almost all) were cos I’d gotten fat and looked back over the previous days calories and realised - wow if I just syop drinking I can drop half a stone in a month and stop this raging in my head about being so fat

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Honestly in itself mental health and addiction often go hand in hand, as well as body dysmorphia, which could also lead to mental health concerns such as depression and anxiety about your appearance

Getting sober is a bitch, add to it mental health or body dysmorphia and your fighting another battle to go with you took away a coping mechanism.

Then you get sober, you’ll lose some weight, plenty of alcoholic beverages are empty calories and carbs. Beer = liquid bread.

But you often gain weight most drugs and especially alcohol depletes your body of important nutrients that help with proper function, so when you start eating again, it’s storing all it needs and the extra kinda like a squirrel hibernating, wants to pack the nest for the slim times it’s expecting. Eventually it levels out once you find a good routine and stay sober

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