Long story short - I was a caregiver for my mother my entire life and had a restored relationship with my father after a lifetime of a rocky relationship - the last 14 years had been amazing. My mother was a Sickle cell anemia patient and my dad a brain cancer patient - between caring for them in 2 different states (my mother who always lived with me) it became extremely exhausting both emotionally and physically not to mention my own personal set of issues. Work, marriage, grown children etc. I was always a wine drinker but then the pandemic hit. When the pandemic hit I became a significantly heavier drinker…several bottles a day easily. Then in 2022 I lost my dad on my birthday in June 2022 and my mom Oct 2022 - my entire world changed and from there - the rest was history. I would drink every single day bottles and bottles of wine and not remember the day before. On Nov 14th of this month after having an argument with a very dear friend that I didn’t even remember after hurting him…I said no more. So here I am… trying to heal. Trying to get back to me before my life fell apart.
Welcome to TS. You’ve been through a lot. I so admire what you’ve been able to do for your parents, as difficult as it must have been. I’m so glad you found his place. It has been so helpful for me and I hope it helps you as well. There is a lot to explore here, so read around and see what you find helpful. You will meet some really supportive folks here. It’s so good to know we are not alone. Much love and strength to you.
Welcome to an awesome sober community. This place and AA helped me. There are so many tools to help you on this journey. Find what works and leave the rest just dont quit quitting!!
Shit. I am so sorry to read this.
Well done to you for recognizing the problem; that is fucking brave in amongst all the shit you’ve had thrown at you. It is not in my nature at all to say this to people but I really do think your healing will benefit from going to meetings. Give it a think. My heart goes out to you.
Words cannot express my condolences nor your pain. I am sorry that you had to carry such a heavy load.
I too lost both my parents, but my experience in their times of need was different. I shut down and couldn’t face the illnesses they were going through. I couldn’t imagine a life without them, therefore I wouldn’t allow myself to even for an ounce believe that they would lose their battles.
When they did, it crushed me. I lost all meaning to life, financially, internally, externally, physically, mentally, and emotionally. The anxiety, depression, suicidality that we’re constantly swirling in my head should have destroyed me completely… Even though it got close and I’m still clawing my way out, I am in a much better place now thankfully… However now I’m going through this again with my brother, and he is like a father to me after years of turmoil, abuse and trauma.
The cycle of addiction had me by every string on my clothing and every inch of skin on my body and was holding on tightly. I ruined my marriage, and shamefully hurt my children through it all. Internally it killed me to do this but still took 15 years of consistently going in and out of recovery in many different stages before I finally began to make changes and take it seriously.
There are many different types of recovery programs, each of them with a slightly different spin on their process, so don’t stop until you find one that works for you personally.
I wish I went for counselling earlier in my grief, and I also wish I joined support groups that connected through loss and grief. I would recommend this.
Additionally if you feel comfortable and safe to do so, perhaps talking to your doctor. They may be able to find you resources.
This TS community is very helpful. Some topics and people may not necessarily reflect what you may what to read or consume but my suggestion that worked for me, is to take from those that help you, and skip over those that don’t. Our journeys are unique to us and what works for someone else may not necessarily work for you.
Know that you are not alone in this, even though right now it may very well feel like that due to the losses you’ve been through. The community is a great place for a spiritual pick up and place of support.
Glad you found us and I hope you can find some sort of peace in what you find here.