So my little brother is only just a year and couple months my age (me being almost 29). He is still in active addiction (we are both opiate and meth users) while I’m 28 days sober in a recovery facility. I’m getting the help I need and I talk to him almost every day and encourage him to seek the help he needs. My question being: HOW TO TELL HIM I CANT SEE HIM UNTIL HE GETS HELP HIMSELF? I just don’t know how he’ll take it cause we’re so close to each other, like I would take a bullet for him no matter what the reason. I love my little bro but don’t wanna cause any bad blood. Thanks everyone.
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That’s a real tough spot to be in 
I’m just guessing here but if you were to set boundaries with him about not seeing him until he gets help, maybe that would be the event to help encourage that change. Especially since you both are so close.
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I would say something along the lines of “Your my brother and I love you but I need to put my recovery first and by doing that I can’t be in contact with you or see you while you are using because it is triggering and puts me at risk. And I hope you can understand that and not be upset but just respect me and my recovery because I am very serious about this. Thank you for listening to me”
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All you can do is state your need…to stay clean…and let him know truthfully that you cannot be around anyone who is using right now and you must MUST take care of your sobriety.
When you are around people who use, it makes you feel nervous, sad, uncomfortable and worried for your sobriety. What you need is understanding and respect around this boundary. Ask if it would be okay to keep communicating through telephone calls for now and not in person.
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Its hard to keep people close away but when in sobriety you have to be selfish and this is for doing whats best for you. Sometimes whats best for us may not be whats best for others. We will never be able to please everyone only ourselves. Maybe by being honest and upfront will show how serious this issue is and how serious your taking this new stab at life. That lifestyle is life or death and you are now choosing to not be an enabler by watching by the sidelines. He has a choice to come back if your life . Your not cutting him off permanently and he has a choice if he wants to continue the bond you have together. Having things in common like your addiction probably feed on this bond you had as users. He can also choose the life of recovery as a bond you can share together too. Dont let this beat you up as the quote i shared is true once hes sober he will be family again . you both will be able to give each other love,honesty, and trust but in active addiction he never will be able to follow through on these promises. Maybe with time and distance he will choose your bond over addiction but until then you can only pray for him as this is something beyond your control. Dont set any expectations that may fall though that could make for resentments later. Take care of yourself and let the chips fall where they fall. He may not be ready today or tomorrow but atleast you can show it is possible to be clean and live a better life. Most the time in that kind of addiction you see no way out as the hands of withdrawal slave you into it. Just like you im sure a day will come where enough is enough or your forced into it through jail. Theres only 2 things promised in that lifestyle and it is death or jail. your choosing to not see him suffer through either by setting this boundry. Your only protecting yourself from the pain addiction causes on loved ones close to us. Just look at it as this isnt a permanent decision but an open agreement if he so chooses to walk with you on this next chapter of your life.
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