I have been sober from alcohol for 626 days today. The longer I go, it seems like this little devil gets louder and louder on my shoulder telling me the I have done it and now can handle a glass or wine, beer, or g and t at dinner or something. I feel like I am back to the early days and feel my brain should not be going back to this place. Winter is here, longer dark nights, maybe all playing a role, but I need to not feel this way. It’s been too long and I have done too well to screw this up, but feel this nagging thing hitting me daily. Any suggestions…
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Seek support from others. Check in here each day. Give that voice a finger salute.
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Honestly, at 4 years I still sometimes get that voice that tells me I can have just a little bit. I wonder if it will ever fully go away. But as time passes the frequency of these thoughts are less frequent and I have have more and more tools to fight them.
YOU CAN DO IT!
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That’s tough, it’s not a good feeling at all not to be able to trust your own brain. In particular having these thoughts feels like a betrayal, and also for me it feels like I’m already down the path of losing control–even though part of me knows it’s just the regular old boozy brain lies, not feeling like I have control over my thoughts makes me feel like my control over everything is loose. So when I think maybe I can just have one more and it won’t be bad, I try to remind myself that it’s like when a lady has a baby and she’s like oh God that was awful I’ll never have another, and then a while later she’s seeing some kids and thinking it wasn’t so bad, maybe it won’t be so bad this time. But it always ends in pain, tears and a mess. Godspeed my friend.
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I empathize with you. The thoughts can be persistent, intrusive and loud. Having a lot of them today myself!
I won’t repeat the list of usual suggestions, but one little trick I’ve learned is this… Ask yourself:
- What do I gain/keep from staying committed?
- What do I lose if I give in?
Humans tend to focus on one question or the other. Looking at both the positives of maintaining AND the consequences of relapsing is far more powerful motivation.
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Try to refocus, hit meetings, check in here, find something to refocus your thoughts
I got some more time than you around 900 days and I get those thoughts at times too, I play live music so alot of places offer alcohol, and I see it, and watch people wash down their dinner with a beer or whatever, and it gets me, well one can’t hurt right?
I play the tape forward something my therapist use to always say play the tape forward where you gonna get?
I know where I’m gonna get, one didn’t hurt so two will be fine, and down the rabbit hole I go,
I’m probably an alcoholic I fantasize about a drink at times, but I always remind myself, I may or may not be an alcoholic, but I don’t care to find out
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Think about how that last drink felt right before you quit. Probably not good, right? It will feel that same way if you drink today/tomorrow. It won’t suddenly feel good to drink. I know this because I tried the experiment after 67 days sober. I went out for one night. Nothing felt good about drinking that night.
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Sometimes, when I get that thought, I come here and click that search icon and look up the phrase “I thought I could control it” and I read the stories of people just like us who tried to have the elusive “just one”.
Spolier: No one ever has just one. The end is the same, a spiral back into alcoholism. Sometimes slow, some times fast, but the direction is always down.
Can’t spiral out of control if you never have that first drink.
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Hey buddy! We are only 20 days apart in sober time. Holidays and the weather have been more challenging this year. I go back to the basics and hit recovery hard when I feel off. Whatever you did in the beginning to get and stay sober, I’d suggest that AND adding something to the toolkit. I’m going to take on a meditation practice as I feel ready to do so know. The Luckiest Club has a 40-day meditation practice so I won’t have to do it alone. Congrats on you freedom from alcohol.
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Use all your tools to stay sober. There’s a thread about brain, neuroplasticity and being sober with very interesting information. It helps me to read around there when I’m on the way of “forgetting” that alcohol is poison and a neurotoxin which is NOT designed to be used inside the human body. As disinfectant it’s ok. On the surface. In minimal doses.
This vicious thoughts of controlled drinking shall pass too. Fuck the zero and stay sober 
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Woah that sounds a scary place to be in, can i ask, how have you been in your recovery lately? Like what actions have you been taking to stay on track?
For me its not so much about fighting these thoughts, although theres definitely days where i have to dig my heels in, its more about building up defenses to them, daily, so they dont ever get so strong/loud that i feel close to giving in.
I do this by: attending regular meetings, reading recovery literature, listening to podcasts on recovery or AA shares, also im mindful of things (people and places…) that might be good/harmful for my recovery so that im staying safe and not putting myself in any situation that could jeopardise my recovery … im not perfect at any of this but i find if i do one or more of these things each day it keeps that voice at bay… when that voice starts to whisper (it always starts as a whisper…) i know its because I’ve been slacking somewhere so i pick up one of these tools and use them instead, then it goes away… its sort of like brainwashing i suppose but hey it works! 
AA might not be your thing but theres other things you can use instead, so maybe build up/re stock your tool box and start getting it out daily (all metaphorically oc) again, you have to reinforce in your mind what alcoholism means for you, what you will lose and why you got to where you are in the first place. We are alcoholics, we cant drink like normal people, its a lie and you know it is, you just need some reminding 
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I had a sponsor and a good network round me in early sobriety no internet or mobiles and 12 step program that taught my brain to change my mindset so when stinking thinking came into play then a i had a good defence
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Spelled it out exactly. Thank you. I appreciate the empathy and understanding.
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Slap it down! Don’t barter with it. Shut it down instantly.
The way I see it, the alcoholic voice is always in there, lurking and waiting for an opportunity, it knows that a fair amount of time has passed and is using that to try to get it’s foot in the door. Don’t let it.
It’ll be way harder to pick yourself back up if you slide back into drinking, it’ll be way harder to do that than it will be to deal with this batch of cravings head on.
Noone has ever returned to this forum with “good” news after thinking a small amount will be ok… It’s always the same story, a slow slide, followed by old habits, fully blown alcoholism. Don’t put yourself through it.
If you face these cravings you’ll come thru more powerful and prepared for when it rears its head again.
Don’t give in, you could lose years of your life to the toxic crap, for the sake of “just a small amount”.
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If you want to be miserable drink, if you don’t, don’t. You’ve gone through the pain many times already to earn the right to be able to make that choice.
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After 8 years sober I listened to that voice.
Within weeks I was back to the same way I was before I stopped.
Relapsed for 2 whole years.
Everything I built up in my life for those 8 years only took a few weeks to destroy and to come back from it was harder than doing the 8 years.
Please don’t listen to it, it’s lying to you 
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I wish I had sought support and heard this back then.
This is spot on.
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this!
I was sober for 5 years before and thought I was cured. Well we all know how that ends and you do too. That voice is your addiction calling and it lies. It talked me into it that time.
It was difficult to get back to my sober life, but here I am.
My advice: play the tape trough.
How you will feel tomorrow after you drank?
How do you feel when you set your daycounter on day 1?
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