Hello Everyone. Happy to be here. Brand new to all of this. Currently in grad school and over the past few months, I have noticed more and more how much I struggle to drink in moderation. I’ve tried to take breaks many times, thinking “I should cut back a bit, I’ve been feeling icky and depressed” but I couldn’t ever reach my “detox” goals without turning back to drinking - often in excess to “make up for” lost time. Yesterday, in the cloud of a particularly awful hangover, I realized that I have an addiction. I come from a long line of alcoholics on both sides of my family, but have always looked at myself as different. Not as extreme. Totally “functional” for all intents and purposes. I’m a high achiever. 4.0 GPA. Full scholarship. Etc. I always thought it couldn’t be that bad if I could still show up consistently and am reliable to a fault. But I’ve lost control of my ability to control how much I drink and when. I’ve lost the ability to say “no.” So, I decided I needed to stop. Fully stop. Even thinking about not being able to drink on my birthday (next week) is making me anxious. My daily routines have been so ingrained with drinking now, I’m already mourning my “unwind” time at night with my husband - glass in hand. I guess I’m saying all of this because I don’t really know what I’m doing. I don’t know where to start. I don’t know if I should try to find AA groups in my area, or if that seems too dramatic. I don’t know if I could even eek out the introductory sentence. I just need help navigating this very new realization. I don’t know where to begin.
Welcome to TS 
. Realizing there is a problem and speaking up about it takes courage. Here is a fantastic link that you can check out of you wish.
I’m closing in on 6 years of sobriety with the help of this great place, sobriety podcasts and sobriety audiobooks. You can do this!
Welcome to the forum!! Glad u found us!!
Thank u for sharing a bit of ur story. That takes courage!
I think its amazing that ur reaching out for help when u are 
Addiction/alcoholism WILL and DOES get worse. We can be functioning for only so long in my opinion. Its a progressive disease and so reaching out for help, sooner than later, is always the best choice.
When it comes to AA meetings, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. So if u feel like u fit into this category (which it sounds like u are), u will be welcomed there
Hope u stick around and check in often
Welcome Blanche! You’ve already made a great start I think. By coming here, by talking about what’s the problem, sharing some of your stuff. 6+ years sober here, this has been my main peer support place all that time. Going to Buddhist meetings once a week these days, although not really a Buddhist myself. I do know I still need my peers. We’re in this together. Can’t do this alone. Happy to have you aboard, and wishing you all success!
Welcome!! Love your name! 
As the others said, unfortunately our drinking/consequences only get worse as time rolls around. You are wise to be making your first steps now.
I found a lot of support here, checking in, reading, sharing. Others find additional support helpful….meetings of various kinds….can dip your toe in with a Zoom meeting. I also found a lot of comfort and support in reading ‘quit lit’ …some of the books I recommend are…
This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. Her book really helped me reframe what alcohol was offering (nada) and what it is was taking away (a hell of a lot). Highly recommend it.
Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker. This one really resonated with me. As did Girl Walks Into A Bar.
I also got a lot from We Are The Luckiest.
I like reading and it kept me occupied in early days, weeks, months, so those are just a few, I have a ton more if interested.
Glad you are, it is a nice community of people who understand and support eachother. 
I did Annie Grace’s 30 day alcohol experiment when I first tried to quit properly. There are 30 days of articles, videos, homework, etc all teaching you about alcohol and addiction, etc. Try completing that and see if that is enough to quit. It’s free.
https://learn.thisnakedmind.com/the-alcohol-experiment-register-today
There are other books and podcasts that you could try if this one doesn’t jive with you.
I wanted to send you the links for meetings so you can give that a shot, it worked for me and countless others but you have to do the work for the program to work for you.
in-person meeting finder:
zoom meeting finder:
One of my favorite zoom meeting groups that is full of fun young inspiring recovery:
(I’d pick the last link if I were you, GREAT place for people like us. You’ll definitely be welcomed there )
Thank you to everyone who has weighed in and contributed thoughts, advice, and encouragement. I appreciate it more than you know. I’m on day 3.5 today, and I have been so SLEEPY for the past 2 days, I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. Like my legs and arms are filled with sand. I am also so fucking irritated at everyone and everything today. Since the moment I woke up, I didn’t want to be touched or talked to at all. When does this agitation and fatigue start to wear off? No other symptoms, thankfully, besides some minor muscle aches. The headache has subsided. Thank you in advance. Today is very hard.
It will get better. It takes a few days for the alcohol to leave your system. Lots of people crave sugar because the sugars from the booze are missing. Be kind to yourself and just get through this week. It gets better. A lot better. Good for you for realizing you have a problem while you are in grad school. I drank constantly while working on my MA, a little less but still way too much during the PhD. It’s only recently I have come to understand that those were not the “good old days” I thought they were.
Great job on ur sober time! Im guessing its dsy 4 now? Its very normal to feel irritable and fatigued in early recovery. I think (if i remember correctly) mine lasted about 2 weeks or so. But it does pass. I find starting my day off on the right foot helps. For example: I’ll wake up, pray, come on here to read and check in, do my gratitude list and read the daily readings on the threads on this forum, and then do a workout. I find doing these positive things not only helps with my mood and irritablility, but it also focuses my day on recovery from the very beginning. Glad ur here and hope ur doing well today!