Congrats on your 12 days clean and I am sorry to hear about your relationship ending. I have recently ended one too it was way less than ten years though. Nonetheless it has still been tricky navigating the feelings without using substances. This was my first relationship clean… ever. Crazy shit.
Have you been able to build your support system a bit in the last few days?
I cleaned up in 2005 and got no supports for myself. Well no supports for me looked like doctors, psychiatrists and family. So I had supports but nobody who understood me and the life I had lead or the way my brain works. I ended up relapsing, i felt really alone. I had no idea how to show up for myself and I still felt like i didnt belong anywhere at the age of 34. So for 12 shitty years I was barely surviving the worst years of my life in that relapse then in 2019 I finally surrendered. I did everything different to what i had done in 2005. I completely surrounded myself with addicts in recovery, I went to all the recovery fellowships; NA,AA,CA,Refuge Recovery, Recovery Dharma, SMART. I tried it all, I stayed open minded, and willing to do anything to stay clean. I knew I couldnt do this by myself. Addiction is a beast and alone I am no match for it, I have proven that to myself over and over again. Eventually I found a formula of meetings, step work, service work, and having SO MUCH FUN in recovery that is helping to keep me clean.
I hope that you can find some support, this forum if used to its full capacity is a GREAT tool.
Here is an awesome thread with some wise words on it.
Your #1 tip for sobriety (over 2 years sober)