Sorry about the break up your welcome here get back to what is helping you. Take of you first.
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What does Mrs Santa say to Father Christmas when dark clouds are approaching ?
“Looks like rain, dear !”
Every long journey starts with the first step - welcome to the Group 
x
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Dont beat yourself up, and dont let it bring you down.
It sucks. I know, I been there so many times, yet I would rent space out in my head for what went wrong & why. Then just drinking myself into a drunken stupor, lather rinse repeat.
Based on your handle pic, you’re a beautiful lady. And I’m sure you have a ton to offer anyone. Especially when you are your best you and sober AF.
Self investment and self care is truly revitalizing I never believed it till I did it, need to talk dont be afraid to reach out
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Welcome and good on you for reaching out.
Some really great supporters here and alot of wisdom.
I can relate so much to your thread and the feelings that come with relationships and relapses.
Agree though that sometimes being selfish is the right thing for us early days in recovery… hard though and easier said then done. Relationships take to much time and attention away from what you need to do for yourself. Hard enough dealing with my own shit lol.
Becoming the best you will result in you never relying on any man/woman to make you happy ever again, and if you ever do seek a relationship again… you will have healthy lenses to see better. Take care
Funny …
What do you call a angry reindeer???
Rudolph 
Thank you! I’ve been really struggling with everything but you put it into perspective. Sometimes I don’t see a way out at all and a lot of times people think I’m pretty so what could I possibly have to worry about.
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It’s my biggest flaw, I take others flakiness and behaviors as I did something wrong.
I am far from perfect and destroyed more relationships than I could count with alcohol. Funny thing was one of them is an ex-girlfriend who I am actually kinda close with, she talked me into going for treatment, and totally went to bat for me in ways I would never imagine, we could never make it as a couple but we always have each others backs it’s a real weird relationship but I’m happy I have it, she saved my life.