I’m new here and made it to 9 days sober yesterday and then the guy I’ve been dating suddenly ended things. For once, I don’t feel like it was my drinking that caused this and it was just too much for me to handle.
I know I’m not working towards sobriety for him or anyone else and I’m really ashamed that I was so weak. I’ve struggled with alcohol for many years, have been in rehab twice and it’s taken so much from me. Not sure why I continue to turn to it or how to keep from stumbling over and over again.
Sorry to vent but just wanted to see if anyone out there can relate or offer up some advice.
Welcome. You need to work on YOU first in my humble opinion. People ghost people and get weird so maybe it wasn’t your fault. Even if it was… this is your journey. Just cause you’ve been to rehab twice doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of a sober clean life everyone IS. I would definitely reach out and look for a therapist that you like and feel comfortable with. Maybe hit a meeting. I know there is zoom meetings on here. If you use the search function I’m sure the thread will come up. I myself use this site and hobbies as I find them a great way to battle and occupy time and staying busy. Try something new or revisit an old hobby. We are rooting for you and I wish you continued luck on your journey. You aren’t alone here! Thats the beauty of the Talking Sober community, someone is always online and willing to listen and help others. Don’t be a stranger. You CAN do this, you just need to shake things up and do things different. Best of luck.
Thank you, I really appreciate your encouragement! I will look into checking out the zoom meetings for sure!
I agree that this is a good time to focus on myself and my sobriety. I’ve been doing a ton of yoga, trying to stay busy but that’s a great idea to find other hobbies as well.
Welcome. I’m glad you are here, and that you have decided to be better. Better begins with sober. A better you attracts better things and people. This is just the way of things.
I hope you will stay, learn, share, and grow. I hope you will get better at getting better, each and every day. Better today than you were yesterday, and tomorrow better still.
This is the right time to get on track and build up some days over Xmas.
The important thing is to have a recovery plan. What are you going to do this week? You mentioned Yoga what else? I’d suggest connecting with other alcoholics. Checking in here is a good start
Hi and welcome. I could find a hundred reasons a day to have a drink and it’s taken years to realise I’m an alcoholic and I’m the only reason I drink. So im sober today and anything good or bad could happen any minute and somehow I would make it all about me. Us alcoholics are so selfish, it’s the me show and I’m the only person in it that matters. To stop drinking we must find a way to stop this selfcentredness. Next time you want a drink pick up your phone and help another person, get in a meeting and share your experience. I have to not think of me bc Paul will drink if I let Paul do what Paul wants to do. Wish you well
Hi there. Sorry about your breakup, that’s definitely a rough start for your sobriety journey. Ironically (or maybe not so much), to me the start of getting sober felt like a break-up in and of itself. That realization hit me kinda hard. It’s like breaking up with a narcissist or abusive partner. The main thing that has helped me so far is to remember the things I don’t like about non-sober me (aka drunk me, hungover me, etc.). Or, in other words, to keep in mind the things I don’t miss about drinking, i.e., hangxiety, feeling guilty, night sweats, being unsure of things I did or said, etc. I have to say it feels really great to know that if someone needs me in the middle of the night, I could actually go to them without worrying about driving under the influence.
The other big thing for me to face was that I just had to quit making excuses. There was always a reason to give in. I could make New Years’ resolutions every year but then I’d use Super Bowl as an excuse to give in, and then it’s basketball season so why stop now, then it’s summer so naturally drinks are needed on hot days (and all the others), and oh, look at that, it’s football season again, then the holidays…!! Plus all the good and bad days and circumstances in between. Endless cycle. So…I had to stop all that and say no more excuses. OK, now I’m only 33 days in so idk how it will all ultimately work out for me, but I can say that I feel mentally stronger this go around so I’m very hopeful.
So…maybe those are some places to start for you too. ? Believe in yourself and don’t give up!
Thank you, I appreciate that! I’ve ruined quite a few relationships, not only romantic ones, because of my alcoholism. But this was the first time I truly came to the realization that I needed to completely cut it out. I was detoxing over and over again, hoping that someday I would be able to have an occasional drink.
I finally realized that isn’t an option for me and he was super supportive. Others in my past have gotten angry and made demands but he just supported me. It’s hard to lose that but I appreciate the community I’m finding here and realize there’s lots to work on within myself.
Thank you! I don’t have other plans, so that is a good point. When I’m in the midst of drinking, I stop going to yoga. I need to find a group like you’re saying…I have some social anxiety issues that get in the way sometimes. I know I need to seek out a group but it’s just so hard.
I’m sorry to hear about your break up, that certainly would put a stress on a person’s sobriety. Give yourself some grace, you’re not weak. You’ve been in rehab twice so you know a lot about our disease already.
I personally have been working on quitting drinking for around 7 years. I personally fell off and relapsed really hard a couple times in the past 7 years. I just don’t think i was ready yet those times. It sounds like you’re ready to go all in and that’s what it’ll take. I know you can do it because i did. I’m rooting for you.
You’re right, I’ve learned a lot about this disease over the years (first time in rehab was 2017) but I hadn’t been ready to quit. I finally felt like I was ready and strong enough and then I feel like I was thrown another curveball.
Every moment feels exhausting for me to be sober as it is and now I’m grieving. I’m trying to remain positive and your encouraging words really helped.
Thank you…I’ve taken some time to think about your feedback and it was some truth that I needed to acknowledge and face. I’ve been dreading the holidays because of familial stress that I blame for causing me to drink. However, I am aware that it’s me and my addict brain lying to me and I’m sensible enough to know that in all actuality it’s only the inward issues I have with myself that end up pushing me to drink.
I forget how selfish and narcissistic I can be. I will always find a reason to drink.
Hi @Melissa83 and welcome to the forum! Lots of really solid people here that truly care and have a lot of wisdom and insight. I am healing from the same thing for the second time in the 6 months I’ve been sober and everyone here has been so kind and supportive. I’m a super emotional, crazy and all over the board kind of person and I have had many times that I’ve come here and dumped about what I was going through. Some of my rants have been really deep and crazy but the people here have never judged me or made fun of me ever. They’ve always been very kind and have always only wanted the best for me. I don’t know if I’m making sense I just want to convey to you that you’re welcome here no matter what you’re going through and there will always be someone here to reach their hand out. Welcome again Melissa, you’ve found a very kind and caring community. Have a great night
Thank you, I appreciate everyone’s understanding and openness! I literally can’t tell you how much it means to me.
I don’t feel like there are many (just 1 as a matter of fact) in my life that actually understand so it’s great to join this community where I truly feel like others get it and get me.
I’m looking forward to sharing more and of course, gathering and soaking up the wisdom here.
I’ve been doing a ton of yoga, trying to stay busy but that’s a great idea to find other hobbies as well.
what else? I’d suggest connecting with other alcoholics. Checking in here is a good start
!! Plus all the good and bad days and circumstances in between. Endless cycle. So…I had to stop all that and say no more excuses. OK, now I’m only 33 days in so idk how it will all ultimately work out for me, but I can say that I feel mentally stronger this go around so I’m very hopeful.
congrats on getting to 9 days… Stick around and have a read around the threads. This place does magic for our sobriety 
