I’m pretty sure my boyfriend has taken advantage of me for the entirety of our relationship. Long story short, he told me he was in the process of moving out of his ex fiance’s house within a few months. This never happened, and I even think they signed a new agreement. I can’t be too sure, I never pry because he always gets upset when we talk about those things. Emotionally, mentally, sexually, I am starting to see… This whole time, it was fake. He’s a narcissist & is powerfully manipulative. I’ve been doing research on what it means to be a narcissist & he fits the description to a T. I fell deeply in love with him, believed his promises, and let him into my heart & soul. As time progressed over the past year, I’ve gotten breadcrumbs of his attention. Today, I pulled the plug and finally said I’M DONE. It broke my heart in half, but part of me had finally took a breath of fresh air… I am still so in love with this man, but I find my self wondering… Do I love him, or do I love the man he pretends to be to get what he wants from me? I’m confused, I’m hurt, I’m sad, lost… Feel like I’ll never trust anyone again. I’m not asking for a pitty party. I’m just simply wondering if anyone has gone through this… What did you do to come out on the other side… I feel like a homewrecking whore. Everytime I hear that one song that goes “I never wanted to be that girl, I never wanted to hate myself, I thought this kind of lonely only happened to somebody else… Being the other one when there’s another one, God this hurts like hell. Thought I knew who I was, but it’s getting hard to tell…”, I have a panic attack because it’s so relatable & I hate myself for being so naive… Anyway… If y’all have made it this far, I appreciate you for reading. It’s extremely difficult for me to reach out & even harder to accept what is with a sober head. Tomorrow is 4 months sober. I have a job interview that can change my whole life, provided court doesn’t destroy my opportunity in 2 weeks… So much happening lately & I just needed to get it out there & tell someone… Anyway, thank you all kindly . 
Congrats on 4 months of sobriety and good luck with the job opportunity! He sounds like bad news. You did the right thing although it sucks rn. Just focus on one day at a time
Im sorry to hear all that with him. I know it’s hard to think when your heart is involved but you need to do what’s good for you. Time away from the situation with him will give you more clarity. You deserve a man who loves you completely and committed to you.
Hugs sweetie.
Thank you 🥹 
I’m trying to find the small things to be happy about in my days, you know? I’ve spent so much energy on this relationship… While he’s probably not even thought twice… Time to move on…
Yes… That’s always been a flaw of mine… I am always thinking with my heart & not always as practical as I should be…
A huge congratulations on 4 months of sobriety! Thats huge girl! I am so sorry ur going thru this with someone who is sooo toxic. But ur heart seems to know whats going on and what is right for u. With my abusive ex… I felt the way u did. I thought I truly loved him, but what I loved was the idea of what he could be. I lived in a fantasy world. It’s hard on our hearts and minds. Especially over long periods of time being around someone who plants these ideas and thoughts and plays games with our hearts. But ur truly making the right choice. Over time it will get easier to keep that separation. I love that ur listening to YOU!
Good for you. You deserve to respect yourself and to have boundaries where you feel good about yourself. You did the right thing.
Ouch 
You are not that, at all. Your ex-boyfriend made his own bed here. He’s the one who was basically having an affair, he’s the one who was crossing boundaries, not you. I know it feels bad but at the same time, it started with him, and he needs to take responsibility.
Call me old fashioned, but if I were in a relationship where there was an expectation of exclusivity and they were still living with an ex…nope. I don’t care if it’s out of convenience or financial necessity…nope. There’s too many lose-ends and potential emotional traps. “We’re legally separated, but still living together” uhm…nope.
How can you ever know “him”, when all you’ve ever seen was the facade?
You fell for the “idea” of him. It happens. When the heart beats faster in “love”, unfortunately the blood seems to bypass the brain.
I think you answered your own questions my dear.
First I’m sorry that you faced a loss of a relationship that’s difficult in any aspect
Did you love him, or did you love what he pretended to be, truth to be told, you probably never got to know him, and I’m sure his live in doesn’t know him either, and well that’s sad
When I first got sober my relationship was hanging by a thread, and I thought the world of her, when my therapist started pointing out her noticeable flaws I almost threw him through a window, they didn’t know her like I did.
But they were right, when I met her, she had all the right answers, she had all the perfect responses the right behaviors, and most of all the absolute perfect way to lure me in, and when she got me, that person went away. Leaving me longing for them, and I was at fault that they were gone.
It’s painful, it’s hard but the more realizations come along the longer you get away from it, the clearer and freer we feel. And the life you build afterwards will be better
That describes the situation perfectly… Wow… Kind of an eye opener… I appreciate you taking the time to reply. Thank you. 
He supposedly told her about me, was going to invite me over, all these things… Realize now that I was more than likely never even mentioned.
I am glad to have my sobriety… I have a grip on that, it makes me feel strong. My heart feels weak, but I’m realizing that I deserve more than what I got out of that relationship… It’s hard. I want to say I was in love with him, but was I? Who exactly did I fall in love with?
Now you have the opportunity to fall in love with yourself. Keep those sober muscles flexed, nail the job interview and keep him in your rear view mirror. Protect your heart.