I’ve started my Sober Year Challenge 7 months&2 days ago. It’s not I’m addicted to alcohol, one must say. It’s rather psychical connection - I’ve always felt that I’m more funny, and talkative, and creative after a couples of glasses. Like everyone does. During these 7 months I’ve met thousand of eyes with expression of deep misunderstanding - I work in the industry where there is a lot of parties, and it’s seems normal to spend your evening chatting with people with a glass of wine. It’s not hard for me to stay away from alcohol physically, but since I’ve been clean I am disgusted with other people, or better to say, with humanity, who constantly use alcohol for being more funny, more beautiful, more confident. All my perceptions and feelings became so keen now, though I’ve learnt how to control mysel , and I don’t turn hysterical or too depressed anymore.
I feel that most of those using alcohol are just so dissatisfied with themselves, and I used to drink just because of that very reason.
I’m not afraid of drinking anymore. I’m afraid of being sober till the end of my life, knowing in the depth of my soul that it’s just because I don’t want to see what is hidden inside my head - but it still will be there.
I wish one day I could take the glass of good wine, or grab a couple of beers while watching football, or taste some exotic alcohol not because I’m too miserable, but to enjoy the taste of drink and then move forward with no unexpected discoveries about my unstable inner world… I don’t think I’ll be strong enough for that after one year. I’d probably have to continue for one year more - but thought that it’s not alcohol itself is a problem, it’s just you - that is what makes me feel so dishearted sometimes.
I used to think the same about cigarettes and cocaine - how could I live the REST OF MY LIFE without them?!?
Haven’t touched either since 1999.
And my life has not been impaired in any way without them. Since then 3 of my friends and a family member are dead, another has damaged his heart and another is in and out of hospital, all because of alcohol, coke or cigarettes.
7 months and 2 days is brilliant! And you’re right, a cocktail or 2 while on holiday, 2 or 3 small bottles of beer while watching the game, they do sound like great ‘combinations’, and of course we’d all sign up for that! I couldn’t though, just like I couldn’t have an occasional line or a couple of cigarettes at the weekend.
Do I miss alcohol after 50 days? Occasionally, but once I’ve got a couple of years between me and the booze I think it’ll mean as much to me as coke and cigs, nothing!