I’m going to assume step 6 is halfway through so I’m not quite there yet haha 
But thank you, haven’t read the promises in a little while! 
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I reflect back to before I relapsed often.
I had just finished my first fifth step. I went to my homegroup and they asked me to read some literature.
It was the promises. As I was reading them, I realized they were coming true for me.
I remember choking up a little as I read them. It was good.
Working the steps from the book with a sponsor is working them in order.
Outside of that we unconsciously work them in any order. I say unconsciously because we don’t realize that we are doing it. Maybe we don’t have a full understanding of the steps, the principles behind the steps, and how they work.
Step 12 is a great example. We can help others before we do anything else. I see it happen here all the time.
People who won’t do AA but frequently reach out to help others. They are unconsciously practicing step 12.
I see people with 5 days sobriety helping someone struggling with 2 days sobriety. They probably don’t even realize they are practicing Step 12.
Step 11 is another easy example. How many of us prayed to get out of the despair that drinking and drugging gave us.
I did. Many times. At the time I would have never considered going to AA.
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I’m jumping on the AA train! Before i admitted to myself that alcohol has made my life unmanageable i thought aa was just for those who have hit the lowest of lows, and “im not as bad as THEM” as ive now gone to a a few weeks of AA im realizing they are my people and everyones pivotal moment doesnt have to be rock bottom. I found a group who is very welcome and joyful and raw and real with their struggles with alcohol and many have found their higher power and i want what they have. Next week on my 30th day im going to an in person aa meeting and asking for a sponsor. Because, what do i have to lose? If anything i will gain the tools to fight those intrusive thoughts of using and my negative internal dialogue.
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Nice!
AA is the largest organization to ever exist that none of its members ever wanted to belong to. 
It’s not about how much we drank or how low our bottoms took us.
It’s our common bond. Our desire to escape alcoholism. You cant have too many tools. AA has been my sharpest tool. Sometimes just seeing a group of people that want to not drink gives me what I need to stay focused on my sobriety.
Congrats! 
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I found it useful/ helpful, it provides actual instructions of things to be tried/ approaches to take.
I enjoy to learn coping mechanisms and strategies. Having them in a bite sized, easily readable form is useful and accessable.
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Got the promises and more .went to meetings did what i was told got a sponsor worked the steps , my bad days left me now i have the defence for when they try to get back inside my head , keep it simple
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Well I’m doing exactly what your saying, just taking a bit more time to obtain the promises, but that’s alright. Progress not perfection 
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Manic depression here add ADHD to it. So lack of focus as is, add depression it gets worse,
When I first got sober, everyone Insisted meetings, and keeping busy idle hands idle mind can send you down the wrong road which may be true but like you have said you get so overwhelmed that it well burns you out,
I did the same, and it did that burned me out. I lost that drive and motivation and even with medication I was struggling with depression
What has been helping me today is actually a daily planner, everything I have to do in the day is in my daily planner, a lot of people use like google calendar or reminders in their phone, which become difficult for me to follow. Cause I can always dismiss reminders, I have to look at my book. And I write everything I need to do in there, from make my bed to go to work take meds etc, as I check off the list it becomes more encouraging to finish the tasks, and you start to feel accomplished.
Early recovery is hard no doubt, but you can fight the good fight and win
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That’s a great idea too, I usually have a small notebook I would write lists in and keep it in my car running errands, using it a bit more would probably be helpful to break everything down and have a little more sense of accomplishment. Thanks for your advice I appreciate you! 
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I just want to thank everyone again for all the insight and support I have found on this thread and in this community. Some days are easier than others but it’s really great to have some great people here to help bounce ideas off and get new perspectives when I’m in a rut. I’m going to keep fighting the good fight and do some tweaks to my routine as suggested above by many and see if that helps. Much love to you all. Enjoy your day today! 
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I don’t think that I could manage without my depression… other than incessantly working, it’s about the only constant in my life. I don’t miss the alcohol, but I don’t think that I could do without my depression, it has been with me for so long that I don’t think that I could function without it.
It’s kind of comforting even while it’s debilitating…
I suppose that one of the good things about spending about 98% of my time by myself is the fact that I seldom “inflict” my depression (or myself in general) on others very much.
Living / working by oneself has some good sides to it !
Please forgive me if I am being rude and completely incorrect but is this sarcasm?
Sadly not…
I often feel that depressed is my “go to” way of feeling.
I’m pretty much used to it, so most of the time, I can be pretty functional, get my work done and all the rest.
It’s a double-edge sword, in fact. On the one hand, I hate being alone all the time, and on the other hand, I sabotage every relationship in which I have ever been, since I basically think that I’m a sh*t person.
I have a girlfriend now (whom I almost never get to see since she lives in Russia) and she seems to love me, but honest to God, I can’t see why she would. She’s a nice person, and I’m afraid that I will ruin her life. Do I love her ? I don’t know… I’m not sure that I can feel anything that positive.
Self pity, guilt, shame, remorse, is no place to live for the rest of our lives. We both can overcome it. Just takes time and effort! You can do it!
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Not so sure that I can, to be honest…
You’ve already gotten so much great advice from the other replies that I will try not to repeat things that have already been said. I had a couple of thoughts and they may or may not be useful, but I’ll present them and you can consider or disregard as you need.
If you are able to spare the money (maybe money you used to use on alcohol?), having someone else come clean your house once or twice a month might free up some time for you along with signing up to one of those services that you choose meals from and they deliver the ingredients so all you have to do is make the food. Or even having your groceries delivered from a nearby grocery store. I know that these services aren’t available everywhere, and sometimes the money isn’t there to do it, and it won’t necessarily help with your depression, but this could relieve you of some of your long “to do” list so that you can rest or focus on something that will revitalize you.
Knowing what you can let fall by the wayside can help too. I think someone mentioned this before, but I know there are times in my life where I had so many things to do that I was barely getting any sleep. I eventually had a compete mental breakdown. These days when I get caught up in all I need to do, I ask myself if something can be left for later, if it really must be done now.
Another thing you can do is get a physical check up. This might feel like an eye rolling piece of advice, but having some bloodwork and other basic tests done would rule out any underlying physical issues that could be going on. I am definitely not proposing that this would fix your depression, but rather let you know if there is a physical issue that is contributing. Sometimes being low in Magnesium or vitamin D can really affect us, for example.
You’re not pathetic. You are attempting to do something different for yourself. To be something different. If alcohol has been a major motivating factor in your life, and now it’s gone, that’s not something small. This involves trying to find something else that will act as that motivating force. This is not an easy task. I’ve gone through a similar experience in my life. I wish I had some great advice for you, but I don’t. I only have the acknowledgement that what you’re going through is hard, but you are still moving forward. You haven’t given up and you’re doing the hard work that needs to be done. It takes strength to honestly admit what is happening with you and reaching out to others.
Anyway, you are doing great by staying on the path. Hang in there. Your path is your own and will never look just like the path of someone else. You can do this.
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Not sure if this was directed to me or the fellow above but if it was me I’ll answer.
Hobbies- honestly I’ve been pretty much an alcoholic blob since I was 17, I’m 27 now. Getting banged up on my Friday and Saturday nights was my only hobby. Work hard all week, then drink on the weekends. I haven’t found anything yet that really gives me drive and motivation and enjoyment. I have tried hiking, frisbee golf, video games, working out. Those are mildly enjoyable. The problem is I’m comparing them to something that physically altered my state of mind.
Goals I have for myself- I’m an electrical apprentice for the local union in Boston, so a goal would be to graduate the program next year with my electrical license. Then I’m not too sure. Can’t really tell you what I want out of life now that I’m sober. I used to just live to drink.
Mental health- I’m praying, trying a bit of meditation, AA, exercise, went to my primary care doctor a couple weeks ago and in a month or so I should get their mental health department to give me a call. Been trying for 5 months to find a therapist that is accepting new patients but I have not been successful so far.
If it was directed to me, I 100% agree, I need to do something to get more satisfaction out of my newly sober life, because I will fall into complacency and keep getting burnt out if I don’t.
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All very great suggestions you have here that are even a bit outside the box, I like it! Let me rifle off some answers to your suggestions.
I can’t spare the money on the cleaning service unfortunately.
I have tried several different of the delivery meal programs and I have found that they made a lot more dishes, took more time to prepare and cook and also we’re very expensive after the promotional periods. Tried them for a couple months and decided to stop.
The delivering of groceries is tough too, the few times I have tried that I have gotten a lot of substituted or missing items, where as in the store if you can’t find something you can find a quick replacement or change up your cooking game plan.
Went to my doctor a couple weeks ago, he said I am not getting nearly enough sleep a night, I go to bed around 10 after I get home from meetings. Wake up at 4 am for work. Getting my blood work and labs done this week. Been taking vitamin D and B12 more consistently and I have noticed some improvement.
Still my lows feel pretty damn low, and I feel like I haven’t had a “high” good day in a very long time.
But I’m going to keep fighting the good fight.
Thank you for taking the time to help!
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Hi Twowolves. I am also just under 5 months sober like you. After the initial hard work and mixed feelings of the first 3 months things got easier but like you I fell in a rut of realisation that I had no highs or anything merely interesting to do other than work and …Well life stuff. I did the gym and all that jazz helped abit . I then found a hobby that turned into a new job for me which I know I am super lucky to have found but it helped this feeling of emptiness immensely.
I don’t have any quick fix answers but finding something new and interesting to do might help. Finding it is the hard part .
As far as laying in bed goes try not to worry about it and enjoy it. I also have depression and take tablets for it, I notice I go through phases of struggling to have any motivation. I just accept it now and allow myself time. It does pass. You are doing really well with your groups and congrats on the 4.5 months x
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All of that makes complete sense. I think money is tight all across the board, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to bring it up. A lot of what first came to mind was basically already said by others, which is actually awesome.
I’ve had some of the same problems with the few times I’ve tried grocery delivery. Definitely not a perfect solution. I’ve never tried the meal delivery programs myself, though I have friends who live on them. Makes sense what you said about prep and cook time.
Glad to hear you’re getting your health checked. Good luck with the labs. I learned a while back that some people have a hard time absorbing vitamin D, so they need vitamin k to go along with it. That might or might not be useful for you since it seems like adding the D and B12 has helped some. I’m not sure if it will show on the labs, but I did a bunch of research a while back on Magnesium, and I guess a lot of people are deficient in it and that being low can cause some mood issues. I’ll leave it to you to look more into if it interests you. I don’t think it will fix the whole issue, but I guess every little bit helps.
What would you consider a “high” good day to be? What would it consist of? Can you come up with specifics? Can you think of some “levels” of good days as you recover and build up to better days? For yourself, not necessarily for me. I ask this because I think that after a while of drinking and/or drugs it shapes our expectations of what a “high” good day will be.
I know that for me at some points, a “good” day was one where I didn’t feel completely unmotivated and scattered. Technically it wasn’t a good day, but it was a step up. I’ve found that when I am able to really define what I’m looking for, then I’m more likely to realize when I get it. That might or might not be useful for you, but it was a thought that jumped out to me when I read what you wrote.
You’re stronger than you think. Keep going and be sure to let us know when you do hit a day that is good enough that you can celebrate it.