hugs to you, duncan! i know how hard a breakup and the recovery from said breakup can be. it personally has fueled my alcoholism and been a major reason i got sober. i could not get over this person and lead a happy, productive life while drinking - basic ass bottom line. that was something i would tell myself over and over again and it saved me and gave me so many other reasons to stay sober. your sobriety will be the foundation for your recovery out of this relationship. wishing you the best! 
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Hi apes2020. That sounds like a novel idea but I know I would just self sabotage it again. And honestly once someone dumps me the level of trust is so low that there’s just no way I can assimilate back into that. I subconsciously wanted this break up to some extent. I kinda got what I asked for. It’s a stupid paradox where I want it yet I sabotage it. But ohwell this girl had epilepsy, didn’t want children… She was getting so wound up and stressed by me and dragging everyone else into the situation without really talking to me. In a perfect world I would be back with her, but she’s so comfortable in her life and being too comfortable for me is dangerous. We are both better off without each other and the sooner the breakup happened the easier it will be, if it dragged out it would just get worse and worse and I don’t want to do that to myself. Having the strength to say enough is enough isn’t a bad thing.
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Thank you, atleast if I fail I know I’m trying. Just got to get back into it with some ferocity, that’s my self worth that is not my self seeking.
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Thank you. My addiction brings me down to the level where I will seek out relationships to justify my self worth. It’s a really bad habit and I do it even when I’m in a relationship, although I won’t explicitly cheat. It’s either my perfectionism or I haven’t found the right person, and I think it’s the latter. The addict in me will seek any kind of comfort and I’ll destroy myself and anyone else that’s unconsciously involved. I need to invest in myself, because the better I become the less selfish I will be. Thank you
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Thank you shlyn1698. That adage of one day at a time is so important to my wellbeing and recovery. I get lost in trying to have it all in one day and become so frustrated and resentful. You’re right this hurt will take time. My last breakup took well over a year and even now there’s still a little feeling there in some way, but I’m so glad I got through that and I’m hopeful that eventually I can get there with this. But you’re absolutely right keeping it in the day is a challenge that can be if it me. Because when I think forward or backwards it just leads to pain and distraction which my addiction thrives on. Thank you!
Thank you Sassyrocks. T think my tear glands have run dry, I haven’t cried in awhile. But yes, connecting in with benificial things like exersize is something I know I need to do and I’m excited to do.
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Thank you. The potential road where this can lead me is exciting, and it’s not the end of the world but potentially a new beginning. I can do this, and I don’t need a significant other to justify myself. Thank you.
Thank you. My ups and downs have also strengthened me and helped me be who I am today. I should embrace this as a place for me to become better. Thank you
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Good to see you Duncan, sorry to hear things are so hard right now.
Maybe one day you will uncover a reason for why you weren’t quite ready to commit, for the self sabotage. It will come when it’s ready, for now it’s OK to feel fragile and sad.
You have got through a lot so you know you can get through this. Stay sober, feel the feelings, reflect when you’re ready and then come out the side stronger. No pressure, no diamond! 
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I said a prayer for you today Duncan. Look deeper, underneath the urge, and you’ll see there’s part of you that needs some care and attention. That’s a part of your whole being and deserves care too 
Visit a meeting, get back involved, you’ll feel better in no time.
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