I’m a recovering binge drinker. I havent had a single drink in just over 11 months.
Long story, but I just arrived in another country to be with someone I’ve been having a relationship with for 3 years online. He is an alcoholic. Drinks in the morning, in the middle of the night.
How can I help him? I love him immeasurably and it’s extremely sad seeing him like this. He wants to change for us, but the deamon is always there.
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Al-Anon is a good option:
It’s a space for significant others, family members, teens, to find support for having a sustainable relationship with someone struggling with addiction.
The tricky thing about living with someone with addiction is that you have to keep yourself and your boundaries safe, so that you don’t fall into a negative cycle with them. It doesn’t mean your relationship has to end, but it does mean you need to have a healthy independence, in your life and in your sobriety.
In addition to Al-Anon, there are other support options - SMART Recovery Family & Friends is one:
Different options have different approaches. Feel free to try both or more if you find some, and use the one you like.
You don’t need to feel alone - because you are not alone. There are many people here and around the world who can help.
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I don’t think I answered this directly with my post above, but I think the best way you can help him is by being your full, healthy self, for yourself. The danger of wanting to help an alcoholic (or any other type of addict) is losing yourself in the “helping”. Ultimately, someone who’s stuck in a hole has to choose to get out of the hole and take steps to make that happen (for example, joining a recovery program - for example, one of these: Online meeting resources). If they’re not taking steps to make that happen, you can’t force it. The risk then is that your desire to help can become more of a codependent cycle.
What you can do is be your full, healthy, sober self. Working that sober life and walking your path is a way to be present for every opportunity you have in life - and there are so many good ones to choose from.
It’s a hard path, I know. Keep reaching out here. You are not alone and we’re all here with you 
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Thank you. I appreciate it so much. I’ll look into those groups.
It’s difficult because I’m recovering myself so I’m unsure how to go about it.
This situation has more than ever convinced me to keep going with my sobriety.
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Does he want sobriety for himself or does he want sobriety because you want him to have sobriety. I’d start with that question because that would dictate the answer to your question.
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My husband tried to get sober multiple times for this same reason. He wanted to do it for me and my daughter but failed every single time. Now that he truly wants sobriety for himself, it’s working. Whether I decide to stay with him or not, he still wants his sobriety. If you did not make this huge move, would he still want to get sober?
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He has tried getting sober the whole time I’ve known him. But ultimately failed. He’s determined now that I’m here but I’m worried it won’t make any difference.
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Keep leading by example. As long as he keeps trying, eventually it will stick if he makes changes with each failed attempt. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, hence the need to make changes even if they’re very small. In the meantime, there’s not much you can do but focus on your own sobriety. Wishing you both the best.
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A basic concept of AA is that one alcoholic can help another like no one else can. BUT, the basis for that relationship needs to be sobriety, that is, the two are involved because of, and to promote, sobriety. Any other relationship is secondary to that. If you are involved in an emotional or partner relationship, taking care of your own sobriety first and then something like Al-Anon seems like your best bet.
And I have zero experience with this, my partner is a normie.
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I would definitely go to some AA meetings with him, be supportive, share your stories so that he might feel more inclined to open up and confront this addiction with the help and support of others. Once he hears stories from someone he does love and care about that are empathetic to his situation, will he truly see the power of getting sober, and to be there, in the moment, with others in the moment, and not losing sight of the support he can have, with other people in the same situation, sharing the pain.
Looking back on my alcohol consuming days, I was really throwing away my life and myself in the moment. I would never remember anything, and I shut out those I love and care about. It might be easy for me to look back on that now, but I was completely oblivious to what I was doing to others when I was constantly drunk. I was rude, inconsiderate, manipulative, the whole shabang. I’m not perfect and I never will be, but I know that I am not going to miss out on life anymore. Alcohol made me feel like I was in a fever dream when on opiates. It felt almost identical. I couldn’t bring myself to numb myself every day, knowing I was hurting my family
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