This is my first post so be kind!! I just wanted to ask for help as I find myself in a quandary. I know I am An alcoholic, Lord knows I’ve been everything else so it’s the full on “ic” collection with me. I am desperate to not be an alcoholic and I have overcome so many other issues but it seems I just transfer the problem somewhere else instead of truly resolving what is underlying. What scares me the most at the moment is that I am incredibly good at hiding my problem. Don’t get me wrong I have made it obvious at times, but most of the time my partner doesn’t appear to notice as I restrain from drinking ever more than two drinks and I do that early so I’m generally fine by the time he comes home from work. I hate this. And I hate myself for doing it as it’s largely pointless and I don’t understand why I do it!! I’ve had longish periods of not drinking in the past and I loved it but then I have given in. Why?? I got over anorexia and that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done so why can’t I now get past this. Is there anything any of you guys can tell me as to why it keeps happening? I can’t afford psychotherapy and I did try AA but the problem I had with AA was that I was brought up by very extreme, religious parents and some of the groups appeared to be very God focused and I found it very uncomfortable to revisit the places I grew up in. I feel that honesty is so key to my recovery but I don’t know how to get there.
Any advice would be so gratefully received. I really don’t want to reset the clock again. I want someone to squash that little demon in my head!! If anyone can offer me a free lobotomy I think I would take it at this stage!!
Haha, well the alcohol is a great way to labotomize yourself!
If I’m understanding correctly, you are drinking 2 drinks before your partner comes home? I’m curious if your relationship is okay, or if there is something you two need to work on.
Are you only drinking right before you see your partner, or is this a 2 drink a day no matter what kind of a habit?
Regardless of the answers to the above questions, you’ve made a great decision joining this community. Clearly you are serious and committed to the idea of being clean, just take it day by day- the clarity found in each sober day will allow you to decipher the underlying issues that are driving your negative behaviors.
Hang tough and stay strong! First couple of days are about commiting
One thing I learned from going to aa meetings,can’t judge them all by 1 you go to. Most aa meetings are all different. By being on here is a big step in the right direction!!! This app & everyone on it is a big help. Self determination to get to a goal you set for yourself another!!! Hang in there good luck
I personally went to a mental health center, and got put on an IOP (intensive outpatient program)…I know in my area there are mental health centers that work with you based on your income…As far as meetings go, they can help out allot with changing your people, places, and things…There are a bunch of people I know, who don’t care for the religious aspect, that still go to meetings, and find it helpful…
I don’t always drink two drinks…sometimes it’s none and sometimes it’s more. There is no rhyme or reason to it. I don’t know that there is anything wrong in our relationship other than when I do try to talk about my issues with alcohol he will jump to many Conclusions that are completely irrelevant to what I am talking about. I do find this frustrating. I do have a habit of being in controlling relationships which is why I control other aspects of my life.
I am willing to go back to aa as I went to lots of meetings but I felt like am fraud as I didn’t believe in it and I felt like I had a very different attitude to the books and the beliefs. I guess that’s how I felt as a child growing up in my parents religion…I found that hard to deal with. The stupid part is I love being sober…life is so much easier and I achieve much more. How do you do it? I think I am depressed and have been for many, many years and most of my behaviour has just been a symptom of this. I don’t want to take antidepressants but I’m wondering if I need to. Makes you laugh doesn’t it…I don’t want to get addicted to them but I have happily drunk litres of alcohol and for years put any unknown quantity of narcotics inside me without a care in the world!!
Unfortunately in the UK Mental health is on its a#se so there are no free programs or counselling you can access. It would take a year of waiting. I don’t have that time.
I spent a big part of my childhood at AA meetings with my father while my mother was working. I’m not anti-AA by any means, but the whole “give yourself to a higher power”, and praying at the end of every meeting, made me think of it as a cult. Especially since my father gave up his family for his group. The only time he was home was to sleep. With that being said,I also know many people that have been helped immensely by it. I’m about 3 hours away from my first full week sober. I’ve been on antidepressants (Zoloft) for about 7 years, and it helps a lot. Finding the courage to admit that you are depressed, and need help, if you are can be as scary as admitting you have an addiction. AA isn’t for everyone, and medication may not be for you, but it wouldn’t hurt to talk to a psychologist, and get a professional opinion. Maybe just the right person to talk to could help with the depression. Hope this has been somewhat helpful. Good luck in whatever way you choose to deal with your addiction. We are all here to help each other.
