Well said, @Alliecat. You took the words out of my mouth. Sucks, but so very, very true.
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Freedom is a big, beautiful place, isn’t it?
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Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I don’t know why I have these thoughts, it’s the first time I’ve stopped the booze. I guess everyone has different experiences and I do feel good about myself for stopping drinking so I think I’ll just stick with that. Peace
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My thoughts would be consumed by the constant worry of staying within my limits, making my mind a mental war zone
This is what I need to read every time I think I can moderate. And those thoughts are still very much there as I didn’t think things were “that bad”. I think I can, but even if I can, it would be a constant battle/worry, always in my head. Thank you for posting.
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Many of us have had those same thoughts and question along our path, I know I did! I’ve come to realize, a lot of my issues were a thinking problem. And thinking similar to that is exactly how I ended up where I did. For me, I literally can not come up with ONE honestly good thing a drink would ever do for me…forget about my worries? Bullshit. Relieve stress? Super bullshit. To celebrate? Bullshit again. It actually CAUSED more worries, stress and drinking poision to celebrate? Really?? Nope, not anymore. If I play the tape forward, I have a gazillion reasons to NOT drink and not a single honest reason to try picking back up. It’s a terminal condition, if I do I know where it will lead me.
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You reminded me about how once the comedian Craig Ferguson said he “doesn’t have a drinking problem. But a thinking problem”. I loved that.
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The longest stretch I did was 365 days. After that, I thought I could be a “normal” drinker and not have a problem again. And I found I could moderate after that… for awhile. I think I drank just like a normal person, 1 or 2 drinks occasionally for quite a few months. I thought I had finally gotten things under control.
Then work stress started hitting bad and I’d drink a few more than I had been. Then coronovirus hit and I got really buzzed a couple of weekends. And then, bam! Blackout drunk, I did things I couldnt recall until the hangover ended and they were awful.
I think moderation for most is a lie. Our brains and bodies have a memory muscle for alcohol I believe.
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Part of the journey or what ever you prefer to call it, is accepting those thoughts too. I can not shut down my brain. If I crave a beer, which I still do from time to time, well then I crave a beer. Nothing more to that, it’s just human and I’m not ashamed of it. It’s reminiscing the past life, reminding me what I was and what I still am, because not much has changed fundamentally. I just choose to not act on it anymore, I accept the thought and let it pass.
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Me personally, I wasn’t addicted or dependent on Alcohol. But couldn’t or never wanted to drink in moderation. That led to cocaine use. Then onto sexting women I shouldn’t. In the end I decided that I just gotta quit the alcohol, the root cause of all problems.
And now am the happiest I have been in years both mentally & physically. Plus the entire family are super proud of me. My friends have all adjusted to the new me.
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I’m really surprised no one brought up the Pink Cloud. Sounds like where you are right now. Things are great, you feel great, everything is bright and fluffy and you are floating on cloud 9. Well, that place is a lie, a partial glimpse of a possible future hyped up with excess chemicals firing in your brain. Beware the pink cloud. Also, please prepare yourself for the fall from the cloud. It happens to everyone who is on it. Right now I would be shoving as many tools in your toolbox so you can deal with the reality of recovery.
@ThajokerNL has a GREAT video about the phases of recovery. Also, go some googling of the Pink Cloud in recovery or sobriety.
I’m so glad you made the choice to stick with the sober life. Moderation is waaayyyy too much work.
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Mandi, I’ve missed your no bullshit posts!
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Good call on the pink cloud, how quickly I forget about that. I’ve missed you too Meg!
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Ayyyyyy, I don’t think anyone can really answer this one for you. It’s something probably all of us have wondered. Apparently I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed and I just tried it again. Did “ok” for like a week then had me a little bender. Usually how that goes for me personally anyway. I think if someone is truly addicted, it’s probably not possible to do. I know for me, I can’t and I really want to more than anything in the world. Then I need to ask myself why that is. Sorry to babble and lots of great replies to ponder 
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I’m saving this. Wow, it really does make sense.
Been there done… last time resulted in a 2 year relapse. The point is mute though, most people feel that they’re the special exception and need to find out the hard way. I wish you luck should you decide to find out.
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Yes I was able to drink normally. I quit for a little over a year. I then decided I was able to drink normally. I had no problem whatsoever. However normally for ME is at least 8 drinks a day during the week and then about 15 or so on a weekend day. Nailed it!
I’m now on day 786 again of being sober. I like it much better this way.
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Really well said! I was the exact same as you… didn’t drink during the week, ate healthy, exercised… then the weekend I was generally a total mess (vomit, embarrassments etc).
I needed to read what you said too… and it’s also SO true. I don’t have the power to end at one… it sometimes feels unfair that other people can but it’s SO much better being able to remember and enjoy every moment sober and never again have to wake up with the panic from what we might have done
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Same! then if I drank on special occasions I’d totally ruin them by being a drunken mess. Those weddings, birthdays etc I’d got so excited for and spent time getting dressed up for… ruined by being a total drunk
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I have the same thoughts as you brother. I’m actually at an addiction and recovery center right now. I spoke with a few friends yesterday and I told them that I was in a better place mentally and was sure I was going to have a drink when I got out, but simply “manage” it this time. After reading a bit about what people have to say, I’m starting to think that’s not such a great idea
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I tell myself I can do this, like only drink on the weekends or only have a couple beers and for me its an absolute no and its hard because of course I want to but no. Its a slippery slope