On my days off I’ve been drinking and always regret it the next day. I have been dealing with alcoholism here and there throughout my life. Recently, it started up again and want to quit because it’s disrupting my relationships with family, husband, friends, and neighbors. I always end up blacking out and become belligerent, violent, or sexual. It’s just an embarrassment to my family. I’ve been struggling to stop because my house always has alcohol and I struggle with depression. I hope today will be the day I stop drinking forever.
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Hello and welcome to the community!
In my case things were a bit easier: I deleted the phone of my dealer and stopped interacting with any users.
I also wanted to quit alcohol after that and I did, I had like 3 times I drunk without getting wasted in 4 months.
In your case if you could ask your husband to keep alcoholic beverages out of the house it would really really help you.
I also suggest telling people oh I don’t drink: I think it makes your brain go like oh this is who I am now lol
Also for me if they said why after that I’d say that it is because I lose control but if that is not the case for you I would use my fitness journey or anything else to sush them up.
I don’t think you should have to give mental energy on that.
Also please try and find non-alcoholic beverages you enjoy so you have alternatives.
Now about the depression i would suggest that say you pay x money for alcohol in a week, take this money and put them into a jar for finding a therapist. I have went through depression and I feel like a therapist can really help with getting to the bottom of it and actually fighting it.
You are always welcome to exploring the threads here! Whenever i do that it renews my motivation to stay sober.
You are very brave for reaching out here and I believe in you and your desire to become a better version of yourself 
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Welcome aboard, Sayu. Glad you are here. I know what it’s like to try to quit drinking when alcohol is in the house. I won’t lie to you. It would be a hell of a lot easier with alcohol out of the house, but it can be done.
I was a secret binge drinker for a long while and was at my wits end, trying to just be strong and do it alone, but until I got enough supports and tools in place, it was a losing battle. This forum made a huge difference for me. It gives me the community I need and there is so much excellent support and advice here. So I hope you stick around, and find the tools you need to succeed.
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Hi @Sayu and welcome to the TS community. You’re among supportive people who have a common goal of sobriety. Reiterating @Pattycake’s thoughts, removing all alcohol from your house is going to help significantly. If this is not doable, don’t let that stop your sober journey. Having a plan is key. Here’s a resource that many have found helpful with planning:
What’s YOUR plan?
Keep checking in here. A supportive community is valuable. Wish you well, you’ve got this!
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Thank you for your advice and kind words. I did have a discussion with my husband not to buy me alcohol when I ask him to. Many times he has broken this promise and ends up buying me alcohol when I get mad….I have been taking meds for depression and I think it’s helping a little
I don’t know if I can be open to a therapist …. I always feel like being judged and rather abound it
I hope you can find a way to tell because he ore she can be a big help in your recovery.
If you have a good therapist he won’t judge you at all. You are not the only one with an addiction who he/she has as a client. We are with many as you can see here at this forum 
And welcome here 
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Oh my…
I don’t know how you are when you get angry but still someone who buys you your doc is an enabler in my opinion.
If i told my mum i want to drink alcohol when we have both stopped drinking she would be like absolutely no.
Meds do help sometimes.
No a therapist never judges you. Unless they are an incapable therapist. I was able to get well through a therapist and i still have one overwatching me.
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