I am posting here because I trust you guys and want to know your insight. I recently experienced a significant loss. I am not a “normal” griever.
I don’t cry. People do not understand why I am acting like I am. Other people cry a lot and then quickly move on. I dont get that. At all.
My sadness lingers, hidden. I carry on with the usual things and take care of business and look normal to others.
On the inside, I have been sad for a while. I have a stomache ache most of the time. I am tired. I feel a lot of guilt.
I am annoyed at everyone and want to be alone.
I am afraid that I am not sad enough. At the same time, I don’t want to just dwell on the negative.
I try not to think about it. I feel mentally displaced.
And I have spent a lot of money shopping online and in stores.
Is this normal? Should I be concerned?
With my last big loss, I completely fell apart for a month. I had a nervous breakdown. I dont want that to happen again. But I dont know why it is not happening either.
Reading this is like a reflection of my self.
Also the shopping part i think for me it is a distraction.
Everybody deals with greiving differently there is no right or wrong way.
I hope your ok though.
Maybe talking with a therapist may helo you with the feelings of guilt maybe hearing from others your way of dealing with it is your way, and its ok.
Our bodies have a way of trying to protect us from pain either physical or emotional.
Hey friend,
I think I get a thing or two about this. I think there are countless others who do too. (@Rockstar24777 )
Here’s the thing I’ve learned (added to the memes below!). We can’t drink or drug or whatever those grief feelings away. They’ll be waiting for us, patiently.
It’s hard! But don’t think the grief is failure. Tend to it. Like you would a rare plant. Someday, sometime - it will grow on its own. Right now, nurture your grief, hold it in your arms, let those tears fall…
It will get better. And you don’t have to numb it. 
What @M-be-free49 said is really on point. I’ve experienced tons of loss too and I know from my own experience that everyone grieves in different ways. There is no right or wrong way it just happens the way it happens. I know also that each death I’ve experienced effected me in different ways and the grieving process was different for each person I’ve lost. And when I say people I mean my wife in 2001, my 11 year old son in 2004 and my 22 year old son last year. I carry the weight of losing him every day. Be kind to yourself and do not judge or let other people judge your process, it’s yours alone and special to you. Thank you for reaching out, keep doing that as you will experience different waves of emotions. I hope this helps you 
Thank you so much for responding. You have obviously been through a lot of loss. That sounds incredibly hard. I am glad that you are here and sober and reaching out to ohers to help them.
Thank you @Daphnecat I appreciate that. We’re all here to walk through this together, you’re not alone my friend and I’m glad you’re here as well.