Up until the evening of May 6, 2022, I had smoked weed every single day, upwards to 5/6 times a day, for the past 7 years. I had tried it a couple of times in high school, but my habit and dependence did not form until my freshman year of college. I was 19 years old trying to cope from my first break up ever after an awkward and lonely coming out experience. That quickly turned into my daily ritual, and I would smoke every morning, evening, and any time I felt a tinge of negative emotion.
I barely graduated college (2018) with a degree I didn’t care about (I had changed my major 3 times due to poor performance in each field), and immediately went into a tech start up company that failed the first 6 months (late 2018) I was there. When my first post-grad job fell through, I was unemployed for some time and smoked heavily during that period. I managed to get a part time data entry job at my state health department as well as start seeing a counselor, and both of these helped cut back at that time.
A few months (Feb 2019) after settling into my data entry position, I went through a terrible break up with my ex of 3 years. We had lived together, been together during college, and unfortunately smoked together all the time. We did not have a great relationship, and my ex and I both struggled with undiagnosed mental health issues while creating a very toxic environment together. My mental health in that relationship was terrible, as I used weed to cope with our relationship issues, emotional and psychological abuse, and subsequently, I had to be hospitalized for suicidal ideations after our break up. After my hospitalization I went back to smoking weed almost immediately, despite what the hospital psychiatrist had advised me about with substance abuse and depression & anxiety.
In April of 2019 I moved up into a new position at my job, which I still currently have. I started going back out and enjoying life again, while still seeing my counselor. Things seemed to be going “well” in my life, but underneath I was smoking everyday, going out and drinking every Thursday - Sunday, and even occasionally using other substances such as ecstasy and cocaine. I thought that I had it all figured out, work hard, play even harder.
Fast forward a bit to when the COVID-19 pandemic & lock down came into affect in the U.S., and I was working a stressful job that was immersed in coronavirus. Working from home & lockdown plus the anxiety & unease throughout the world had been weighing so heavily on me, and I used weed to cope. I would smoke while I worked, because it seemed like the only thing that could keep me going in my mundane routine/life. Everything since early 2020 has felt like groundhog day to me, wake up, smoke, work, smoke, eat meals, smoke, smoke, and then go to bed when I was so high I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I’ve had trouble leaving my house due to anxiety/fear of not being able to smoke, including taking time off from work. I used to love to go out and explore my neighborhood, walk around my city, etc. I’ve missed job application deadlines, significant events, travels/vacations, and have spent over $20,000 the last 7 years on marijuana (not even including my glass pieces and all other stoner necessities).
May 6, 2022 was the day that the light bulb fully screwed in my brain and the light went off. I finally realized and accepted that I have a psychological dependence on weed, and that I need to quit because I will never have health coping mechanisms. It was hard to admit to myself and even harder to admit to my loved ones, as I had always made it seem like weed was helping and not hurting my mental health.
I am on my 3rd day of being weed free, day 6 of no alcohol, and it’s been two months since any other substance has been in my body. I am working on my coping skills, and have gotten back into walking through my neighborhood.
Hi KT! Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing your story. Keep checking in with us, you’ll find tons of support and advice on this group!
Thank you very much, Chris! I have seen some of your replies in other threads, and your advice has already touched me. I will be sure to be active and reach out for support when needed.
Good decision, this thing is poison for the mind, poison for the body, despite its glorification.
Third day, first week are the hardest for the body. Then it’s more about psychological strength. Keep up the good work, keep focusing, and come here to talk as much as you want/need it
And…Welcome here !
Thank you so much! I am definitely the kind of person who learns through listening to others experience and helping where/when I can. This app has already been so crucial to these past few days, and I am very grateful for the support from this community.
Your cats are nice, but he way! 
Thank you, Pat! It took me a while to admit it and realize it, but even the thought of doing it again is more anxiety inducing than not. Our brain is a muscle and I hope to get some of that good elasticity & plasticity back so strengthen this bad boy.
Best decision you can make in your life right now or ever KT! Early on it’s not easy but it is totally doable just as long as you have the right knowledge about your foes, addiction and weed, which will gove you the right mindset to make it happen. As well as the right support. Both you can find here in great amounts. Happy to have you aboard friend! We do it together here. Wishing you all success in your journey.
Sounds like you have been through alot 
this is YOUR time to regain your life! I’m glad ur here and reaching out!
awwwe thank you! i’ve been calling them my therapy cats because they’ve both been laying by my side and just being the sweetest for me these past few days.
here’s some extra pics of them being cute
I’ve felt so much overwhelming support these past few days from this community and my loved ones. I’m working on becoming more knowledgeable about my dependence, and am working ever harder to practice CBT at the moment.
I will always take any advice/tips for anxiety management and “grounding” though 
Thank you so much! At first this realization felt like a spiral and a loss of control, but I’ve realized that this is me actually regaining control in my life. Reflection really works wonders for my brain (once it’s calm 
)
My anxiety got worse every year I kept using (weed and alcohol mainly). Took me quite a while to get it under control after I quit. To be totally honest it took me more than a year of rather intense psychotherapy to do it, but then again, I am quite a lot older than you (I’m 56) and smoked and drank for 40 years. Mindfulness and (guided) meditation played a big role in fighting my anxiety too. They are good instruments and I totally advise you to try out both.
I can tell by your nickname that they are your therapy! Beautiful! 
Hope to see more pics of them on the cats thread! Stay strong in your sobriety, a better life is right ahead of you!
Thank you for sharing this. As a smoker this sounds like my life in some parts of your story. I FINALLY feel like I am not alone 
I’m very glad my story could relate to yours. Please feel free to reach out if you’d ever like to chat. You are certainly not alone.