I’m almost 73 months sober an happiness I can find nowhere in this thing called life.
I think about suicide all the time have attempted it twice since April…and have been thinking about either picking back up my addiction or going all the way home with my suicidal plan…
I’m so lost. I’ve lost many family and friends recently and I don’t know how to deal well with the greif. My 4 adult kids have all turned against me and refuse to allow me to have anything to do with my grandkids…they have stated they wished I would have been successful in my attempts.
I have absolutely not 1 drop of motivation to do anything and we have to move out in about a month or so… I just don’t care about anything. I really just don’t want to go on anymore.
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Please help me
You’re not alone Tammy. Realizing that has been a life saviour for me. We’re in this together. Sorry that you have such a hard time right now. There are much better ways out than suicide you know. It does sound to me you might need some help that goes beyond the possibilities of this forum too. Professional help that is. I’m glad you’re reaching out lady. Hugs.
Also, It sounds like you really need someone to talk to. While this can be a good place to reach out, you may prefer to speak with someone in person. Please consider talking with someone about these dark thoughts…they are there to help and listen…
United States
Crisis Text Line is the free, 24/7, confidential text message service for people in crisis. Text HOME to 741741 in the United States.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
In USA, text 741 741
or call 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
Canada
(Canada Suicide Prevention Service | Crisis Services Canada)
Call 1.833.456.4566
Text 45645
UK
Samaritans UK - Call 116 123 any time, whatever you’re going through.
(Also see https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/other-sources-help/ for a list of other organisations offering specialist support)
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@Lewcee I’m really sorry to hear you are having such a tough time of things. If you are feeling suicidal you need to reach out to professionals for help. I don’t know which country you live in but in the UK the Samaritans have a free phone number (116 123) you can ring and talk to someone about how you are feeling. Or alternatively speak to your doctor or a health care professional.
All of us here on this app have our struggles and many will be able to relate to how you are feeling. Coming here and talking about your feelings is a really good first step, be kind to yourself and keep reaching out for support.
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Oh I’m sorry to read this. I have been in a place where thoughts of suicide are always there. It is exhausting. To stay sober through it is an achievement, to continue to feel all of that…
Are you on any medication? Do you have any support either through a medical professional, or any other recovery or mental health networks?
When I felt awful the thing that helped me was 1. sleeping a lot 2. accepting i was sick (i.e. give myself some grace, sometimes that helped me feel less bad about feeling bad) 3. lots of grounding exercises to be in my body instead of my mind 4. remembering that the future is always uncertain, things will change and the only way to know if things might ever turn out awesome is to stick around and find out.
For me changing medication was the thing that really helped and enabled me to put all the stuff I’d learned through CBT, mindfulness etc into practice.
I hope you find something that smooths the path for you soon. In the meantime I’m linking to a couple of super wholesome threads that you might like
Holding compassion for you until you find some for yourself 
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It made me very sad when I read it post I’m very sorry for all the ruff things that you are going through right now but nothing is worth talking ur life I’m so glad that you reached out here there are a lot of supportive and caring people in this community please get help we want what’s best for you and that’s you getting the help you need and being happy with ur life ur not in this alone please use the numbers mno put in there post and please continue to reach out on hear we will be more than happy to help you
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I’m so sorry that you are feeling like this and I’m sorry I have no advice for you. But I can share, because of my alcoholism I honestly have no understanding of emotions. I couldn’t tell you what makes me happy. I’m sure I feel it sometimes but the concept is beyond my understanding. I think this is what happens from years of using alcohol to dull my feelings.
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I’m really sorry you are going through this. Reach out for. You can get through this with help. Death is permanent. Problems are not.
This poem has been written for suicide prevention.
Poem
The View From Halfway Down
The weak breeze whispers nothing
the water screams sublime.
His feet shift, teeter-totter
deep breaths, stand back, it’s time.
Toes untouch the overpass
soon he’s water-bound.
Eyes locked shut but peek to see
the view from halfway down.
A little wind, a summer sun
a river rich and regal.
A flood of fond endorphins
brings a calm that knows no equal.
You’re flying now, you see things
much more clear than from the ground.
It’s all okay, or it would be
were you not now halfway down.
Thrash to break from gravity
what now could slow the drop?
All I’d give for toes to touch
the safety back at top.
But this is it, the deed is done
silence drowns the sound.
Before I leaped I should’ve seen
the view from halfway down.
I really should’ve thought about
the view from halfway down.
I wish I could’ve known about
the view from halfway down—
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I can completely relate. Ive had anxiety and depression my whole life and used alcohol and any substance I could find to self medicate. I turn to self harm from time to time when my mind really gets messed up. Getting sober this time really took a toll on me and I attempted to end my life for the 1st time.
Its an upward battle that some days feels like will never end.
Just remember that there is always another sunrise tomorrow and thoughts are just thoughts. Yoy dont have to act upon them.
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Tammy!
I’m so glad you chose to share with us and ask for help. Right there; that simple act tells me you are a strong person and that you DO have a will to live.
We can work with that.
What you are going through is perfectly natural and understandable. Above all else I’d like you to consider that it is also temporary. These impulses and feelings may be persistent but they are not permanent.
Your perception of your life is built from information you get from your body. It’s kind of a tough pill to swallow but what we think is reality is just a bunch of sensory information, matched with the meaning our mind places on it. (I know this is a gross over simplification, but hear me out)
Sensory Data + Meaning = perceived reality
At this moment both of these processes are temporarily compromised. Your body AND your mind are going through a radical shift. You can think of this like a major remodeling of a house. Before the old worn out home can look new again everything needs to get torn out and rebuilt.
This is not a very comfortable place to live while the remodel is happening but the good news is you don’t have to do all the work. Our brain and bodies are designed to fix themselves. All we have to do is encourage it. Your senses and your feelings, to a large degree, will get better and better if you just allow the work to happen and encourage the growth. You can do this by making little contributions here and there, to help your body do the work. Drink more water, add some healthier food into your diet, sleep a little more if possible and when you feel up for it, exert yourself in some way physically. All of these things sound trite and unappealing but they have a huge effect on our nervous system and our emotions.
Over on the “Meaning” side of the equation, it’s a similar strategy. You’re in a place where a part of you is assigning faulty meanings and conclusions to the things you’re observing and experiencing. This is not your fault but you CAN interrupt that process.
Two things to remember regarding this:
- when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
- learn the difference between when you are READING a situation and when you are WRITING it.
We all have unwanted thoughts and feeling but we don’t have to adopt them. We don’t have to take them into our home and feed them and help them grow.
When we tell ourselves “this thing is bad” “that person hates me” “I’m worthless… I’m a failure… It’ll never work”… etc etc, those are moments where we are writing a story that we don’t really even want to be a part of. Stop writing. Start reading. Change those statements into questions. Turn those fears into investigations. If nothing else the pursuit of answers, (or even just the curiosity about them) will interrupt that process of assigning harmful meaning to the compromised data we’re collecting. Instead of looking at your remodel project and saying “this place is a dump and I should just burn it to the ground” change that into a question. Look at those torn up walls and say “wow this is a lot of change. I wonder what it’ll look like when the work is all done.”
I’m sorry this a lot but it’s your life I’m talking about.
You are an amazing creature and you deserve to experience this world and all the beauty therein.
We don’t HAVE TO live. We GET TO live. That’s absolutely incredible. Stick around and allow yourself to change. My life will be better off for it.
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