I’ve been crying since about 11pm yesterday & as I’m trying2 write this… 2yrs ago my youngest son died… he’s my ride or die kid. The 1 tht always said he wouldn’t leave me…He’s a high functioning Autistic lil vato, My apprentice at wrk, I taught him evrthng I knw& this pass weekend 1of his lil homies came w/sum girls looking him so they can go out… this guy hasn’t been around 4a min so he didn’t knw tht my son was gone…at 1st it was funny cause thts totally him but I just started crying cuz ppl keep comming sporadically looking 4him I can appreciate it but it just hurts… Thn last yr I almost killed myself in a car accident 4drinking &driving…My foot was cut off by the break petal, broke my wrist w/the steering wheel&the seat belt almost decapitated my neck… ltr on I look back at it & feel tht mayb I wnted2 die 2b w/him… this yr. My older son comes2 C me 4my b-day he takes the dog out 2the bathroom & sum stupid guys attacked him I didn’t think just jump & start trying2 help him the whole time thinking I can’t let thm hurt my only boy left neighbors r trying 2help cuz it’s about 4-5 guys & 1girl now we’re both getting beat dwn ppl r calling the cops threats of being shot were made but I couldn’t stop myself frm blocking him like he’s all I have left… I knw ppl r gonna say I’m 2old 4tht but I couldn’t lose another kid… I feel like my negative look on life is reflecting things in my universe it really has me wnting 2get drunk& high even tho I have a concussion& staples on my head, if it wasn’t tht I couldn’t drive I think I would b faded… I dnt really reach out 2any1 the times tht I have sumthng wrong its an inappropriate time 2call I dnt wnt2 bother any1 I’ve been reading responds2 writings on here evr1 sound caring & it’s like time doesn’t matter so I dnt feel rejected or like I’m bother any1… now I feel like I’m just verbal vomiting now so I’m just gonna go… I hope evr1 has a good day or nite not sure where ppl r frm its 330am on this side I really didn’t have a direction w/this just was trying 2not drink or use I’m thnkful I found this platform
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I have four kids and if I ever lost any of them, I don’t know what I would do. I would certainly cry a lot. I’m not sure I would ever stop.
I don’t know what else to say to you other than I have heard/read what you have written and I’m sorry for your pain.
Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself.
X
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My heart goes out to you, I am thinking of you and know that things can get better for you. Xxx
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I am so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you my friend. Let it out 
You’re in my prayers
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Thnkx I appreciate it 