I have found out recently that after my most recent relationship ended I cannot deal with heartbreak without alcohol. Not even 20 minutes after the breakup I started drinking and continued it for days on end. I drank at 7:00 AM and did this for a little over a month, then I proceeded to blame my alcoholism on my last relationship and she promptly cut me off. I’ve been sober ever since but whenever I think about her I get a very strong urge to drink and I’ve been able to suppress it but I just want to drink. I don’t know how to fix this. I’ve gotten a therapist and I’ve been working on improving myself but I’m not sure how I will ever fix this.
More then anything I stopped drinking to make her proud of me but I’m scared I’ll stop caring and fall back into my drinking habits. Feel kinda backed into a corner
Welcome to Talking Sober Julian. I hope this place can help you in battling addiction, in fighting you own addicted mind. It sure has helped me and many others who are here, supporting themselves and each other, gaining knowledge from each other, sharing their struggles. To be together, amongst ourselves, people who know how it works. Here we are together.
Two things I notice from what you write. The first is in the title. You say you can’t take heartbreak without alcohol. For me that statement signifies one of the big lies alcohol and addiction tell us. Because I’m sure the opposite is true. You can’t take heartbreak because you revert to alcohol to try and deal with it. And all alcohol does is give you a temporary hiding place, a hole to take cover in, a place where nothing gets better, where nothing gets resolved, where everything only gets worse in the long run.
The truth, I am convinced, is the exact opposite. People with addictions, or anybody really, need to be sober to deal with heartbreak. We need a clear head to process the grief and all other stuff that comes with it. We need to work through our heartbreaks to be able to move on. Alcohol and drugs stop us from doing that. They make us stall and remain where we are, literally broken without the possibility to mend ourselves.
Secondly you say you stopped drinking to make her proud of you. You really should find reasons within yourself to stop drinking. If the relationship really ended you have no reason to stay sober now right? You blamed your drinking on the relationship. That’s also a fault in your thinking I feel. It’s all within yourself friend.
You get a very strong urge to drink because you still feel that drinking will fix stuff for you. That thought has to go. This is where peer support comes in play. We need each other, we need to learn from each other. I found that mutual support right here, but it also can be found in face to face meetings like SMART, AA, Dharma, and more. You ever tried any? I feel you maybe should Julian. You need to find yourself.
Anyway, sorry for preaching. Hope it helps you a little bit. We’re in this together. Take care and all success in your journey.
Welcome Julian, I am so happy you decided to come here and share. Heartbreak is hard. Losing a person can be very overwhelming and scary. I think you’ll find a lot of people deal with the same thoughts you are having right now. Being heartbroken and sad is scary, especially when you never learned how to come out of it. So wanting to escape that miserable feeling and finding an easy fix is all normal. Who doesn’t want to wake up and magically feel better again? I know I do.
But like Menno said, drinking, taking drugs, muting the feelings is not the way out, unfortunately. Its an unhelpful coping mechanism, that does not serve us well. We haven’t learned to deal with disappointments, failures and heartbreaks in a healthier and more construcrive way. And there are not real short cuts to it.
Before I had my last drink two years and some ago, I had just broken up with a person that was truly god send for me. However, many things didn’t match and we decided to take seperate roads. The heartbreak was real nonetheless. I decided I could only suffer through it with 1, 2, 3 bottles of wine. It cost me years and I stayed in this pool of misery for a veeery long time and could not move forward or let go. Every day was just like the one before and I kept being sad and angry. As the years went by I didn’t understand why I wouldn’t heal .
The change happened, when I was brave (or desperate ) enough to make a step out of my comfort zone. That step was sobriety. It gave me the opportunity to understand, what was happening in our relationship and my part in it. With the help of my therapist and this community I learned different ways to deal with my emotions and face my fears and disappointments.
Sorry for another long reply. Also not trying to preach, just wanted to let you know I can relate really well. Being sad, sitting with it and getting out of it with the help of people, instead of numbing it out, can be such a kickstart into something truly beautiful. Keep coming back
It makes me glad to see someone who was once in a similar situation as me reply. Thank you for writing all this, I will be keeping you and others updated.
) enough to make a step out of my comfort zone. That step was sobriety. It gave me the opportunity to understand, what was happening in our relationship and my part in it. With the help of my therapist and this community I learned different ways to deal with my emotions and face my fears and disappointments.