Hello fellow alcoholics and drug addicts. I know there are many more addictions and unhealthy behaviors that this forum addresses but my story will not help those people. Best of luck touching base with the correct people that can be of real help for you. This is an amazing site with really great people helping each other navigate life’s perils. That said I want to start from the beginning but trying to make a long story shorter.
I started out around 15 years old. Mostly here and there stuff. A couple times a year. I knew it liked me and I like it. Hard liquor probably Vodka because that’s what my girlfriend at the time liked. Mixed drinks only. In high school I started having anxiety and small panic attacks. So I self medicated and was the extra fun guy at the party. So I told myself. In reality I was probably just an obnoxious hee haw. I still got high honors since I’d study first, do homework right away then go out and have a few. Got a couple of years of college in. Associates degree. I needed money and had to pay for college myself. So I joined the work force full time. Lots of weed didn’t help me wanna stay in school. Lol. I got my first apartment with my current wife and that freedom allowed for me to drink daily. Mostly just beer. Some Shots on weekends with friends during Patriots games. Always having strict rules. No drinking before noon on the weekends. Limited beers and no booze on work days. No drinking past 11 pm. Everything seemed fine. After all I was a functioning alcoholic. That was my 20’s and 30s. All seemed well still. I was blessed with a beautiful baby girl in 2004. I was living in a small home with a large stocked pond that was recreational in Plymouth, Ma. Ideal compared to the shit bum city of Brockton. That hell hole ruins peoples lives. Full of drugs, prostitution, murder and mayhem. I watched helpless as addiction and alcohol took so many lives or just ruined them. People stealing from there own friends and family, my brothers old best friend was homeless and lit on fire, toes missing from frost bite too. He cant even stand in the shower. Ugh. Great guy. Even one of my best friends murdered over nothing (bar room nonsense). Just to name a few. My 40’s were starting to see my rules slowly deteriorate. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere kind of bullshit. Not good. Still maintaining my jobs and helping raise my daughter I figured it was OK. By my mid 40’s I found myself with a second OUI. 20 years after my first. My first I deserved. My second was the result of a medical condition I didn’t even know I had. The courts said if I didn’t plea bargain it was jail for a year. I agreed because I wanted keep my home and marriage. They made my life a living hell ever since. I’m driving with a breathalyzer for about another year. I found out I had cancer (probably brought on by long term drinking) which was why I had my accident that led to that OUI. I had cancer surgery and beat it. On top of that my job that I loved got shipped to Mexico after the sale to a new company that sold it to another then another. I tried many other jobs and nothing was quite right. I was now Not a fully functioning alcoholic. I had reached a point where I had no debt and my wife’s job paid all the bills. I was in an active search to get back on track. Covid put a stop to my newest job search. The isolation and fear started my anxiety and panic attacks again which led to more binge drinking. Beers and/or whiskey with water chasers.Far different than the early days. Well my friends I sit here today with jaundice caused by Cirrhosis of the liver. Yellow eyes straight out of X-Men. Slightly yellowed skin. Constant burning itching and chills. Swollen feet, ankles and legs. Limiting walking. Swollen abdomen. Liver pain. Knocking off a decade or more of life expectancy. If it is only moderate I should live about 10 years or more. If it’s severe I may only have about 6 months to live. I’m constantly being tested and am in a waiting pattern to see a liver specialist. Sometimes there are big recoveries so there is hope. Not a huge amount but atleast some. I now have zero desire to drink. I have been trying for many years. A month or 2 off then a relapse etc. But that was a big improvement from everyday drinking.
I am eating extremely healthy now 95% fruits and veg. And keeping busy with arts and crafts, painting and just trying to not watch T.V.
So my main point is quit now while you are ahead of health issues. Realize how lucky you are to have the loved ones you have. Your health is vitally important. But quality of life you give to those you love may be even more impotant.
Fight now as hard as you can before it conquers you. Use every ounce of energy you have to help yourself. Resources are everywhere and go see a doctor and be brutally honest with them as well as yourself. You will thank yourself. The alternatives are diminished health and early death.
A great friend of mine lost 2 good friends in 2 days recently to heroin. One accidentally Od’d and one was a suicide due to the misery that shit brings you and everyone around you. 2 people I know died in their 50s from just drinking.
Learn from the mistakes other people around you make and use it to help yourself.
I really hope this reaches someone and helps.
My heart will always understand how hard it is.
I am grateful for whatever time I have left.
I will try to get out there and help once I am healthier.
I wish and pray for us all to find a way into the light and out of the darkness. Abstinence allows for a better physical and most importantly better mental state of mind.
Best of luck to each and everyone of you.
Sorry this was so long. I’ve needed to come clean for a very long time.
13 Likes
Thanks for sharing Mike. I wish you well.
1 Like
Thanks for sharing 
1 Like
Really needed to hear this, and hope others take to heart the words you took the time to write. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Alcohol is a killer. And before it kills you, there is so much pain. I’m praying for you and your family.
2 Likes
Thanks for the great share, some are fortunate to be on a road to recovery and so many parish and succumb to their addictions. I wish you well with your health and blessings to come my friend, God Bless 
2 Likes
Thanks for that, it really hit home. Much love to you my fellow Plymouthian. 
1 Like
Keep up the love for all. I see your soul. Go get what you want. I will always understand your altruistic side. There’s no reason not to become the best you. Don’t forget me . Thank you