ramblin’ about my story i can’t handle my alcohol/consumption. it’s heavily popular in my area, whether that comes from my family & friends or just the small town vibes of “having nothing better to do.” i would get so bad where i often wouldn’t remember a lot of the times i drank. i wouldn’t eat, i became physically abusive to others, & spent money i didn’t have. i became a nuisance. i then got pregnant at 29. alcohol & drugs were involved with part of the conception but i gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy. i’m doing a lot of this new part of my life (motherhood/parenthood) by myself & it’s hard. plain & simple, just hard to do alone. i thought turning to my old friend, it would help soothe or “make things easier.” i thought i had a better grip on my consumption after he was born too. i was severely wrong. i once got so bad, i didn’t even hear him cry for me. luckily/thankfully, i was at my mother’s house. i’ll regret that for the rest of my life. i thought after some time i would be alright & wanted to redeem myself. prove that i got it under control. but i was wrong again. my child not in my care & being released to my drinking was game over again & again. i was accepting defeat & came to realize, i couldn’t win at this. my perspective changed completely. everything just hit me with my son. maybe because he’s getting older/smarter, i couldn’t & wouldn’t let him know/see his momma with that old friend. the amount of guilt i could physically feel for him. i needed to be better. for myself & for my son.
i can be better & i will be better because he’s the only change in my life that keeps me going. everything i do, moving forward, & with positive vibes, is for him. 🩶
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I totally get this… living in a small small small town… you’ve got this girl 
from one small town mom to another
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I hear you…I am a small town woman and was a teenaged unwed drunk mom in a small town. All we had to do was get wasted, run the roads and have sex with everyone.
I am glad you are making these changes now, that is so smart!! Way to go little mama!!
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All of the social interactions I have in the city I live in is the same way…centered around drinking. I’m having to relearn how to socialize without it. I keep telling myself, it’s worth it not to drink because it means an entire day of feeling good, whereas drinking would only give me a couple hours tops.
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