I almost broke sobriety in the moments proceding this post. I disabled my cpntent blockers, opened a private window and was ready to sink down that dopamine drain. As I was about to remove the blur and engage in acting out, I just felt a shift inside myself. Instead I searched for someone talking about their recovery and read their story of success. I then closed everything, put all of the filters and blockers back in full force.
Please do not praise me for backing away from the edge. I am here to admit that I was in a moment of weakness and almost gave in to ingrained coping mechanisms. It’s time for me to kick this once and for all and this is my pledge to myself, my spouse and this community. I am done being a slave to this insidious pattern. I am done feeding a system that routinely exploits people. I am done. I want off this ride and out of this place.