Sober for 4y10m raised by narcissistic mother, always having trouble with self-worth. Any advice ?
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Congrats for your sobriety. That’s a huge amount of time you should be proud of. You deserve happiness.
Any advice? Love your mother, but love yourself first. This is not being selfish, it is just the first step to love and…also can afford with the others.
Kind regards!
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Lost all love and respect for her. Narcissists dont love anyone or anything all my life i was nothing but a tool in her eyes
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Patience in this case. I cannot say I am 4 years sober like you. Much less time indeed.
But what I can say is that any kind of anger is something that can broke my sobriety. So, my objective is to be quiet and calm.
Being angry or sad is something that, as an alcoholic, I cannot admit.
Best luck.
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I’m also 4 yrs, 10 months sober. I found my self worth by working the AA 12 steps. I was going tp suggest the same for you but I see from your previous posts that you were already doing that, and you were on step 5 so I assume you finished the rest. Maybe do them again? It’s not a one and done kind of thing. The other suggestion I have is to seek professional counseling.
Wishing you the best on your journey.
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A seed becomes a tree by sacrificing itself: in the process of becoming a tree, the seed is completely destroyed. The worth of the seed is in the bigger picture, in how the contents of the seed are grown into the future tree.
The value of the self - the growing person, who is the seed, then the sapling, then the young tree, then the mature tree, and, at the end, the decaying tree - is in living and growing in the world, which involves constructive interaction with the surrounding people and community.
What is the soil that surrounds you? You will contribute to that soil by helping to anchor it in place (preventing erosion), holding more water in the soil (tree roots retain and channel moisture through the soil), and attracting millions of diverse microorganisms to live in your root system (which promotes biodiversity, which increases soil health and productivity).
In return, the soil will give you life and a place to live.
What are the animals and plants that surround you? You will contribute to them by providing branches and foliage (for nesting, growth, and forage), by filtering air, and by providing shade (protecting animals and soil).
In return, the animals and plants will maintain a vibrant, healthy, biodiverse environment (crucial for you and your descendants to live), and will help you pollinate by eating your fruits and spreading your seeds (without which you wouldn’t reproduce).
Self-worth is about contributing to the world in a healthy way - with a balanced pattern of work and rest time, time with other people and time alone - and it’s about not worrying about what others are doing or not doing for you. Self-worth is not really about the self, or at least, it’s not about holding onto the self. It’s about growing and helping the people around you, without worrying about what they’re doing or not doing for you.
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Matt, I like your post.
I think I
Want to be this tree.
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What a great analogy. Have an amazing day. Virtual hugs.
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I always just love your way with words Matt 
You sure know what to say and how to!
And this one about the tree is a keeper for me, thank you.
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