Welcome to the community blondie1x, this is the reality of this illness, it will convince you that everything is fine and that you can drink and use responsibly…that’s the craving and obsession talking …I’m 305 days in and it still rolls round my head every day so your not alone ,and I know it’s not easy so congrats on day 23 ( everyday is achievement)., are you going to aa ? 
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I’m so sorry to read this, big big hugs. To me you are more than worthy a complete legend that inspires me every day. I hope this pass soon and your back to feeling badass, cus you rock! 
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Hi @sylentwar! No I’m not going to AA. I’m not really into sitting in groups. It’s taken me all my courage to speak up on here… I am totally and utterly committed to never ever drinking again but I have decided that maybe it would be helpful to talk to other people that understand going sober.
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Yeah I get ya , one thing I would say Is aa is worth trying, your not compelled to share, but it’s a great start to be around people who are going through the same thing …its good to see you on here and I hope to hear alot more from you
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Thank you for being so kind @sylentwar, I’m just going to try this first to see how I get on but I will defo keep aa in mind. 
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It took me years to come here and open up and it’s helped me so much Blondie. It’s taken me 80 days since I got clean & sober to go to a meeting. Trying out different ones for 9 days now and starting to like some. I don’t like groups. But I love the shares, the stories people tell. Makes me realise I’m not alone. Give it time. Welcome here BTW and congrats on being sober 23 days!!
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Thank you @Mno…it takes me a while to open up to people and new experiences, I’m quite shy. I’m sure as I get stronger and start to get more confident in joining in on here I will start to look at meetings? I’m not very good at technology either so this is quite a step forward for me 
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All things considered it sounds like your being amazingly brave, great work 
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Checking in.
Day: 87.
"The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let things go.
I am just getting the little man prepared for school. I like to get things all ready for when he gets up.
He had a great first day in Grade 6 yesterday.
It was so quiet in the house. I had a fleeting thought of drinking but it quickly passed. I just kept myself preoccupied. I went for a nice walk to the post office to get my parcels for the house (décor for his room, last room in the house I have to decorate).
I recently acquired some house plants. We’ll see how much of a ‘green thumb’ I have. They certainly add character to the house.
Things have been good.
Sending hugs and strength to those who need it today. 
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Day 187
Fell asleep too late, woke too early, knee is too achy, attitude too resentful.
So this, today:
I’m thinking of all of you, my sober peeps, who are challenged, and are facing those challenges.
You are heard and appreciated and loved.
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Good morning all 
checkin in on day 9. My daughter had a wonderful first day of school, that is always a great feeling. Feeling strong and confident in my sobriety this time. One more day until I hit those double digits!!! 
Sending positive vibes to all of you fantastic sober people
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Hey, I really hope things turn out so you can feel at least you can cope. So you are strong enough to carry the load, it sounds heavy- but it’s not death. That’s a 10 so anything back from there is doable? Yeah? There is always a solution to every problem, an answer to every question. 
Oh you are from Finland too!
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You’re not alone Ariel
You are a worthy, loveable, intelligent, funny and beautiful beeing. This darkness will pass
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For what it is worth,you have made some comments on this forum that have really, truly helped me. I know I’m just a washed up ex drunk on the Internet but I would like you to know that being sober would be harder if it was not for you.
I hope you are feeling better.
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Checking in day 159.
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Sending love to you Ariel. I understand. 
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Day 239. My life is not perfect but I know as long as I am sober I will make good choices. There is a great sense of peace in knowing I am doing the best that I can each day. No second guessing, no regrets.
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Check in. Day 30. So I got divorced today, what’d you all get up to? ; )
Congratulations on your fabulous numbers everyone. Keep at it.
Especially thinking of you @ShadowFax massive steps taken!
Never, ever give up x
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