I know this depression. It was at the root of what kept me drinking for a long time. Isolating, numbing, boxing myself in everyday just wishing something would change. It hurt and seemed like it would never end.
At the risk of sounding like a broken record around here, this is what working the 12 steps relieved for me. A framework to overcome that despair with others and feel good about life again. How to find hope and a real love for whatever may come. It’s hard to describe how it changed things, and not everyday is sunshine and rainbows, but the change itself was very real.
I hope you’ll stick with us and find that strength and hope again too, Ish. Each day sober is a small step forward and at the very least not back!
Ending day 3…
Today was our 7th anniversary wedding day… Celebrating with two kids and a mother in law… Not exactly what I would wish for. Was a grumpy day for me that turned out well.
Thank you… it is so good to be sober. I would never guess that it will be like that.
The support of the people TS made a huge difference. Thank you all of you
@mno@keiti and @Eke thank you soo much for listening and to replay to me. This is the worst part Ive ever been in. I left alcohol behind me which was a kinda my friend and gave me company everynigh to forget about everything. Since ive stoped drinking i also lost a friend of mine. So much for support from her. I am taking antidepresive druga to help me out they work great in the evening when i cool down and I fall asleep quickly. But during the day i can eat them like candies. They dont help me at all. Im am very much frustrated all day long, I get angry, I shout sometmetimes at my kids, I get irritated so quickly also. I dont have an hour of silence. They never play quietly. They just talk soooooo much my that my head cant take it. Its just wanting wanting wanting all the time. I can sit down on a balcony for a cup of coffe and smoke and they just argue all the time. My life is a mess. My children are suffering. I wanna go away somewhere where I could have some help. Noone really gives a shit how deeply bad I feel. I hear that i am a liar selfish and stupid and all kind of words. Im all the time alone. I started going 3times a week learning german. Which i love but again the learning pase is so fast I cant deal with it. I have now home work to do for tomorrow and dont have no energy. For me its like that life doesnt wanna give me peace and quiet. I am a fighter. But broken into pieces inside. I would love to hug someone soooo much. I sometimes over the city and stop and just watch people and that gives me anxiety and stress. Makes ne realised i really am on my own. Just so sad. Crying here like a baby.
Be hugged from afar Ish. And I hardly believe myself saying this because I’ve only been going for a week and I’m not at all convinced this is for me yet but everything you are writing here screams to me you should go to a meeting. You need healthy social interaction with clean and sober people who know what is happening to you. And you need more hugs. There’s lots. If not where you are go online. intherooms.com is a good one for that. The first step is by far the biggest but I tell you it is worth it!
Super grateful to be alive today in beautiful Los Angeles California, grateful for our doggies, and for airconditioner, showers &Meetings.
Love you all
x
