Day 96. I see some folks are struggling. I am thinking of you all and sending positive vibes. 
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Tomorrow will be 15 months.
I haven’t been here much for the past week or so. Popping in maybe 2-3x per day, but just reading here and there, nothing more.
I haven’t really been in the mindset to make any positive contributions – and really, I’m not so sure I have much else to say that I haven’t said already. I just don’t feel I’ve much else to give at this point in time.
So, for the time being, I’ll be pursuing my sobriety more privately. I’ve got some things to figure out.
I’m not sure yet if I’m just on a break of sorts, or if I am slowly phasing myself out for good. Time will tell. Anyhow, if I am not around much or if I go “missing” altogether, there you go. If it’s the latter, I’d be amiss to not thank all of you in advance. I have so many people here to be thankful for, and to try and avoid the inevitability of forgetting someone in individual thanks, I thank you all. Be smart, be strong, be yourself.
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Hey everyone. Thanks for all of your thoughtful replies. I wasn’t aware that so many of you care ALOT. Thank you.
@sprinkles, @Mno, @anon12657779, @Jenyoyo, @aircircle, @anon75449385, @SteppingStones.
I did finally go to bed after 2AM. After dropping off my younger son to work at 11PM. I got a call from my older one right after needing emergency assistance. He lost his car keys and he’s an hour away. Plus, his friend needs a jump.
So all of my cravings are going on during my drive. And my phone locks were not set. Boundary violation! And my serenity was super affected. Maybe I can resist porn for a little while when it’s in front of my face. But the anxiety and desire that overwhelms me is not worth it. Much better when my home is safe.
Still not feeling that positive today. Stupid milestones. I hate 'em.
Guilty of romanticizing sexual acting out. Entertaining moderation in my mind. So nuts! there’s no room for moderation with my addiction.
I’m grateful to be sober though. It would have been worse had I acted out.
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can’t finish the 30 day Alcohol experiment. Need a web browser to do that.
I’m just going to buy the book.
And you’re a fellow twister eh?
Maybe you can get back into it. The kids love it.
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I love this quote! Thank you.
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Good luck with everything.
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Thanks for all your kind words. It was a really tough thing to do but I have done it! I have laughed and I have sobbed and I’ve even smashed some things up. It was very cathartic at times. I just have to move on and heal myself. I really helps knowing that I’m not alone. Thank you guys! Sending love to you all! Stay strong x
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Hey, thanks @ELY83.
I’m just now seeing a bunch of these comments. I really appreciate them. Glad my story is helpful.
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63 and depressed as never before. Dont have a streght to do anything…
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If we’re lucky I guess those craves only get farther between. A subtle reminder there’s more work to do, maybe.
Couple weeks ago I sincerely thought about drinking. Few days ago had what was probably only my second or third relapse dream. The latter was kind of a wake up call it was so vivid, I’m grateful it was just a dream.
Double down on those tools and full speed ahead! 
Hope you’re feeling better today.
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Day 408. Didn’t do the closet yesterday, having to detour for surprise toilet tank repair and going after the messy spare room instead. Cleared out some stuff that was just taking up space, figuratively and literally. More burdens relieved!
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Sorry you feel so bad Ish. I am glad you found it somewhere in yourself to post here. You are not alone. And 63 days sober is great. Hang in there. Hugs.
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My problem is not not beeing sober but depression and feeling lonely. Heavy lungs and bursting into tears all the time. Life kinda sucks and I feel really low. Like I never deserve anything or anyone kind round me. Im tired of this lonelines. Im tired if everything. I dont like to go to psychiatric I dont like nothing. I wanna lay iin bed all day But I cant cuz i have 3 kids. I have no energy what so ever But they are on fire. Just moaning here 
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And I know im doing bad. Cuz aint anything good. I just sit all day like a piece of wood.
Today is day 20. I have run a half marathon and went to a meeting this morning.
I honestly cant remember another day this wholesome since I was a kid.
Rock on sobriety! You’ve really given me something real today that I can point to and say that I achieved this because I am sober!
Have a wonderful Sunday sober fam
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Thank you! Went great
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You have the right to moan. Depression sucks. Big time. The fact that you are here tells me you are fighting it. It’s really all you can do. Fight it. Do stuff. Despite not willing to do anything despite not finding anything nice or funny. Well you know. I know too. It’s hard. Fight.
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Day one, again 
I won’t give up. I’ll never stop trying to get sober.
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Depression is awful. I’ve found CBT has really helped with mine. I hope you can find something that works for you.
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