Day 11, just cruising along lol going to my first NFL game tomorrow. I have no desire to drink although I know it will be all around me tomorrow! I just never have liked to drink in a big crowd like that. Enjoying the hell out of this weekend sober!
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Day 20 and feeling awesome 
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Day 62 check in.
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Welcome and well done on 42 days! 
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Day 14. Started the morning out okay. Now the afternoon is here and I am having a bad day and all I want is to get drunk. I hate this.
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Hang in there. Some things I do when I feel like that is take a hot shower, brush my teeth and then get into bed because tomorrow may be different. Or I do some intense exercise, or call a sober friend.
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Checking in.
Things looking better today… Took some oral steroids home after being released from the hospital after 4 days. Insurance now works, thank god 
. Scheduled for my remicade on Tuesday, first time in over 5 months and really need it. Thank you all for the well wishes and much appreciated. Next battle is to tackle the weight, can’t believe I lost so much but I will keep pushing and get it back as soon as I can. I was happy with 180-185. It’s really messed with my head going down to 165 right now but with certain medical needs being met now I should be on a positive road to recovery with weight gaining!
Thank you everyone for the well wishes and sorry I’ve been MIA. Really just checking in and getting through this difficult time. I will be more present and active here out
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Thank you for the suggestions. 
I think I will try the hot shower.
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Day 314. Missed the pi counter screenshot I wanted, 3 sig figs won’t cut it eh.
Big day. My parents surprised me with their investment into my music passion, turning my window shopping today into purchasing something I’ve been meaning to get for years. I also experienced big changes in my anxiety, and had breakthrough success with meditation. And I had an actual substantial conversation with someone local today, such a great, friendly person, and for the first time in 6 months I don’t feel like a visitor to my city. I know someone’s name and face that isn’t related to my landlady.
I also think the changes to my meds are giving me the assistance I need to make better progress with the actual work I’m doing on anxiety recovery. I’m still in the adjustment period, and still at half the dose my doctor wants to try, so we’ll see how it goes. I don’t like all of how it feels, but if I think about it it’s just because it feels unfamiliar, not actually bad. Side effects still will take time.
Pajama time. 
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You know it’s for you Mel 
.
Being here is for me Mel but I also know what a service this community is and it’s a wheel. It requires contribution to keep this wheel flowing from everyone, i require that of myself for my own recovery. I have a service to give back to the community more than I receive. I needed to take just now, for numerous reasons. I’m finally feeling that energy and fuel and know what is required of me to have a balanced recovery. So I don’t want anyone to think I haven’t forgotten all the kind words when I first came back, all the sweet gestures when I was sick in the hospital. I needed it and I fucking love you people for it. I just know I needed time to heal and get back to where I’m back at ME .
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Your obviously talking about the reason I took the picture with the M and flower right 
… haha but thanks sweetie 
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Hahaha Oooo I missed ya Mel.
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I’m glad it shows. Yes, much more peaceful today.
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Ever have any questions or just wanna vent, you know I’m here Mel. I think I’m blessed with San Diego and the abundance of different locations, meetings and variety of people I can pick and choose if I don’t like a certain meeting. For me I always found it as a safe spot, a second home for at least one hour if not more a day to be with like minded fucked up people lol. Thinking my disease of fucked up is not special and there’s an abundance of deranged individuals seeking help just like me eventually made me feel at home. But it did take a lot of time, a lot of searching and finally surrendering to the idea that I am not that fucking special… Even if I am still in my head thinking I’m pretty fucking special 
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Day 320
A we arrived home from our annual road trip without any severe fighting or damaging words. I really didn’t want to “get into it” with her while we were visiting friends or while we’re stuck on the road together. You guys; there is just SO MUCH wrong with my marriage. I can’t even begin.
So, now that we’re home, I’m experiencing extreme anxiety and I am REALLY close to drinking. (I don’t think I will, but man, I’ve never been this close to relapse, in the 10 months I’ve been sober.)
I feel like I’m tryng to hold a sand castle together, as the waves come rushing in. I’m alone, and I can see this thing I’ve built, this fragile thing that I love, and on the other side of me the inevitable tide encroaches. I’m still trying to spare the castle, to block it with my body, but the tide will best us both.
I fucking terrified of what’s coming so I need to stay sober now more than ever.
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Stay with us, man. You know drinking will just multiply the awfulness of what’s going on, at very generous best. You’ve worked really hard to get as far as you have. You’re not alone. You’re more than your marriage. Stay sober today. You can get through today without drinking. The strength that has brought you through thick and thin this far is still at your disposal. Use it. I know you don’t feel like you’re enough, but you are enough for what you need to do. Not everything is under your control, but your continued sobriety is. That much, you can manage. Everything else will happen the way it will, but you can respond to it sober and figure it out as you need to. Might it help to connect with your higher power?
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I’m all over my HP.
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Good choice. 
Just finished up some tea myself, may go for a refill. The cozy toasted rice smell is just perfect for winding down in the evening. But I feel like I’m missing out. Still have yet to try LaCroix. How’s the key lime?
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This sounds so much like me after being around my ex and his family for a weeks time during winter and summer vacations. The drive to his parents took us about 12 hours and our kiddos very young then. Ughhhh. I’d take a hot shower and go to bed early if you can. Go for a run if you need to blow off some steam.
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