Thank you for the words of encouragement. It’s been 6 days. This weekend has been tough but I like this feeling of accomplishment. However I hate that it took the loss of my relationship to get me here.
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Congrats 
@Kathy_Weidner. on ur 6 dayz:100: everyday without is a true blessing. And tho it is tuff, sumtymz letting go, or losing a relationship is what needs to be done… In the end ur recovery will only grow stronger.
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I know, don’t worry!! 
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Closing in on one month. Spent yesterday walking tattoo convention with friend and dinner with wifey and daughter. Have a wonderful Sunday everyone.
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Staying consistent with meditation is so hard for me too. I have a lot of anxiety lifted when I practice it, but man it’s a lot of work for something thats supposed to be so “relaxing” lol
Almost at one year, nice 
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Day 18
You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober
Long Way to go,years just went by,now i remember every moment i lived in the last 18,very long days.
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Somehow I can say I’m clean right now. What a horrible night last night.
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Day 8. Yard work and NFL. “Discovered” a hornets nest with my hedge trimmer. Nobody got stung. Lol
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I have no idea how to create a new, independent check in within this thread? I’ve tried clicking on the ‘check in’ tab but nothing happens? If anyone can assist me that would be great…
In the meanwhile… 1 hour off 4 days sober! Thanks everyone… As some may know I can’t attend meetings but being included in here has definitely cracked my first 4 days clean in at least 7 years… Long may it continue! Blessings to all of your recoveries too
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Day 77 check in 
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So I do it from my own post? Sorry for being crazy bad at this!
I know I’m absolutely done with the idea of drinking when I can sit at the bar for lunch surrounded by drinkers during Sunday football (I live in Massachusetts, new England Patriots satellite) lol. I’m not even wrestling with the thought! I don’t feel triggered or compromised one bit. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this version of myself. Feeling super proud and content at the moment. Random rambling.
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Day 429. Yesterday was gorgeous, spent with good friends at a Renaissance Faire. I haven’t smiled, laughed and hollered so much in I dunno how long.
While getting a bottle of water someone jeered from the crowd, “Water’s no fun!” Yelled back, “Hey, I’m already all the fun I need!” for which a random lady laughed and planted a big kiss on my cheek. 
Life is so full lately I can hardly keep up. Service, fellowship (sober alcoholics are the flipping best), work work work. Feels like an orchestra building to a crescendo and I’m just one instrument in the piece. Trying to keep saying “yes” to the moment but sense my ego cracking in around the edges. That’s dangerous water.
May be time to cool my jets again. At least to focus on what’s on my plate today.
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I’m experiencing kind of the same as you regarding my feelings as they relate to past trauma. It’s weird. I told my therapist when I talk about it it’s like I’m totally detached from my former self. We’re working on it. I hope you can find someone you trust and who will help you. It’s making a world of difference for me. I’m glad you reached out to your friend for a recommendation. There’s no shame in asking for help.
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I had a Me Too movement breakdown a year ago. It had been building up over 18 months.
I spilled all to my first therapist, who then ignored everything but the alcohol. BIG on my going to AA. I did what she asked after the first session. I hadn’t left my house in 6 weeks before that.
At the second/last session, she wanted me to go to AA every day. I drank as soon as I got home, and cancelled my sessions with her.
I subsequently found an EMDR specialist who has miraculously helped with some serious shit. But, she’s not helping now re: alcohol. Maybe she can, but her approach means dredging stuff up that I don’t think needs dredging up. I can only afford one therapist at a time. My EMDR lady is very expensive and has waiting lists. She’s good.
My current quandary is whether I should ditch the PTSD guru, and go back to the AA-focussed therapist for a while?
Day 2. Rinse and repeat.
I never thought this would be my life. Sigh.
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End of day 50. Man it’s been a hard day! Been to see my niece today (the daughter of my younger sis that killed herself 2 years ago). She’s only 15, and she is the spitting image of my sis. Always find that hard. It’s quite a drive away and usually I would come straight home and straight into the fridge for booze. I now know I have been numbing my pain of the shitty situation, so this afternoon it was sooo hard to come home get a cuppa and have to process. I don’t know how I didn’t drink but I didn’t 
bed now with my usual warm milk and a couple of pieces of chocolate. God bless my poor little niece, such a hard time to be without a mum 
I am a mum to two lads and I’m fast realising that girls are mind blowing! 
night all! Hope you’ve all had a good sober weekend… god bless xx
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Ah @C_8 sorry your struggling. Could you talk to your EMDR person and tell them what you told us? Maybe they could adapt thier approach to support you better? Do you think AA would be helpful now? Xx
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@crystalclear thank you! I know it’s a matter of finding the right therapist. I’m glad it’s starting to work for you, that really gives me hope. Thank you 
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Hope you sleep well
End of day 13, will wake up tomorrow 2 weeks sober.
Nice
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