8.45 Days… It’s really good to be back. I’m trying to figure out why I left this forum a while back. I was making a lot of excuses as to why I was unhappy with it. I think what the issue was that I was already starting that negative self talk that leads me to relapse. I looked back at my last few check ins and I see it was happening. My last post here was in February at 9 months sober, then a little over a month later, a few days past 10 months I picked up the bottle again. At first I was so relieved. I thought of all the great things being a drinker would open up for me. Before I knew it I was spending 5-6 days in my apartment, alone drinking day and night with no sense of time. Coming off those is physically brutal. My detox gets more and more dangerous.
I’m grateful to be back, and will try to be more cognizant of the self talk that leads me down the wrong path. I need to be honest here. I held it in because subconsciously or consciously I didn’t want to be stopped. I know there have got to be flags that I’m missing. I love being sober. Love it. Maybe I don’t think I deserve it. Who knows. What I do know is in sober today and I feel proud.
I’d say that’s for you to find out Beth. Seems very important for your recovery to me. I’m happy you’re proud now. Thanks for your honesty, keep going ODAAT and have a great sober day friend.
I’m at 2.8 days. Really hard week as I’m at an annual sales meeting and being around all of these people create tremendous anxiety. I have no urge to drink, but most likely will when I get home. I had stopped drinking in public a while back. Hope you all have a great day!
Day 215
I really have to read a lot to catch up if I don’t get on here before I go to bed! Lots of new people too. Very cool.
I found a new sleep supplement that I like (only 2 nights using it so far) but I seem to sleep soundly and wake up feeling alert.
I’m thinking about going to a GRASP meeting tomorrow (grief recovery after substance passing). I’ve been wanting/needing to go for months, but didn’t think I could handle being in a room full of other people as sad as I am. I’m still not sure I can, but I can always leave if it gets to be too much I guess.
Definitely tough when traveling for work. Everyone else is drinking and you have to explain yourself. I try to say I will join you for dinner after my workout, walk, answering emails, etc. Whether I do or don’t workout doesn’t matter. It creates enough space to get my head straight. Good luck!!!
I want to throw up today. I keep wanting to buy this app without the ads. I am not buying anything. Only necessities. Damn its hard. Emotions are like a 6 (not a 10). Even that’s a lot for me.
Not sure what I am going to do today. Perhaps sleep - I have hospital IV treatments in Friday.
Stop this thought right now. Otherwise you will open the door to your addiction as soon as you open the door to your house.
As @NewEngland says, you only have control over yourself and you can say no to yourself.
Stay strong.
13th day of recovering and choosing freedom from addictive behaviors!
I’ve got a busy day ahead with beginning a new project at work with my colleagues and managing to skip out for a bit to take my big dog to the groomer this afternoon.
I’m very thankful to work from home!
I took some time this morning to plan my day, make my to-do list, & figure out how I will achieve sobriety today.
Daily journaling, reminders on the Google Assistant, morning & evening routines, and planned reward helps!
I firmly believe that relapse is a state of mind that happens before the first drink is taken and I dont think you’re there yet. Keep in mind you’re only 3 days in which is big but it’s really not enough to get a full perspective of the benefits of sobriety. That feeling that you want to drink is not going to go away immediately and is going to sit there pushing your buttons until you either give in or push through. Do not get sidetracked into thinking that you can start again tomorrow - you can’t just start again tomorrow, it doesnt work like that.
You need to give yourself more time. Firstly, more time to properly get out of the habit. Secondly, more time to feel the unfamiliar feeling of feeling. Alcohol and drugs are so good at numbing our senses that we forget what it’s like to feel. Thirdly, time to face the day without the safety blanket of a drink at the end of it when you get home and finally time to embrace and accept the freedom of being unbeholdent to drink and/or drugs.
It took me up til about 40 days to really grasp the habit part and I was pretty much in a daze because of it; trying to get to grips with new routines, healthy habits and better alternatives to drinking and using drugs. Stress and pressure are without doubt the biggest triggers and sadly, work provides us with both. Dont fight against it, dont ignore it and don’t give in to it. Feel it out, recognise the feels and fight through it instead.
That drink waiting for you at home is not your friend - All it has to offer you is taking away 2 days and giving you another day 1. It cannot offer you a day 4.
@TMAC What a crummy position for you both to be in. I can’t imagine the stress and pressure you’re feeling at the moment. Everything will be ok, no matter what
Ever randomly notice a positive change because you aren’t experiencing it any longer? Drinking was destroying my health to the point where I was in a constant and indefinite state of congestion. ALWAYS need to clear my throat and spit mucus out my throat. It was getting so bad that I was practically choking on it and was becoming extremely short of breath. I am sitting in my car and just realized, holy shit! I’m not short of breath right now! That was becoming a scary reality to me which was a major factor in quitting alcohol. I am still working on the respiratory issue but it’s definitely gotten so much better for me.
This is our goofy Labradoodle
