Sincerest condolences @Englishd. I can feel that gut punch over here. I’m praying you and those whose life he impacted can find peace. 
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Thanks you mate! 
Aww bless you, I’m sorry that things didnt work out the way you wanted. Sometimes things that seem really poo turn out to be doors opening to bigger and better things, maybe this is exactly as things are meant to be. Hugs sweetie 
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Got a busy few weeks coming up and I am already feeling drained in anticipation. I know once I’m there and getting on with it I will enjoy it but I just want to stay at home. If did stay at home I would only be miserable about having nothing to do though 
Am struggling a bit at the moment with emotions and such. Did a lovely yoga class this evening but there was lots of talk about self love and appreciating your beauty which just doesn’t work for me. I am working on kindness and honesty instead which feel more achievable. They are probably not all that different, although they feel it to me.
Hate feeling like this when really I have so much to be grateful for. But I am working on meeting myself where I am at. I’m sober and that counts for something. One day at a time 
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@Jane.c It’s such a horrible position to be in. I know I need more time to deal with this stuff, but I haven’t done anything drastic (a serious time out that would help me), as I feared the reaction you have rec’d.
It’s messed up, as nobody wins. I hope that things change, in time. Sooner, rather than later. Please keep posting 
Sorry to hear about this 
How old is his son?
49/50. No more sleepovers. Everything was peachy, until this morning after a horrible nights sleep 
. I cannot risk less sleep for anyone other than my kids and job right now. Tonight starts 3 in a row… this week flew by 
Hope everyone is well.
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Sorry to hear this @Englishd. Addiction is a terrible disease that takes too many too early. I feel for you, but am glad you found your way out. Keep up the good work. The term pay it forward comes to mind.
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So sorry for your loss. There really are no words to ease the hurt.
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Derek, I am so sorry for your loss. This is simply heartbreaking. Thinking of you.
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Shit, what were the boundaries, if you don’t mind?
81 days sober
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3 days. Checking in. Survived!
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Day 6 Check in
Slept horrible last night. I’m sure in addition to alcohol withdrawl its stress about staying sober this weekend during a work event/party. I’m still reading This Naked Mind and relate to so much of what she says.
Wish I could stay home and sleep today. They aren’t kidding when they say you need rest. And water. I have never been so thirsty in all my life. It feels like my.body is making up for years of drinking by craving water. And carbs. I’ve gained 2 pounds this week. Normally I did a low carb diet and booze but I’ve kinda just let that slide and have been trying to eat healthy foods to rebuild some energy. Anyway. Day 6. Here I go… I am not a drinker anymore. 
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Checking in day 4. Third night shift out of four tonight. I was invited to a gathering this weekend but i declined knowing there will be booze there. It is interesting how all my “best friends” at one point were bartenders. In the past year I have pretty much broken ties with that group. Planning ahead for a sober weekend. I have told everyone around me my plan and they are supportive. Going to do a lot of sober walking this weekend and cook good food… sleep too, sleep is a must! 
… have a good night/day everyone 
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So sorry for your loss Derek, how heartbreaking. Hugs and love to you!!!
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Checking in sober…
I’m numb. I saw my therapist today, felt like it wasn’t as helpful as it usually is. Idk where to go, idk what to do. I reached out today to get high. I failed at that so far. The longer it goes the more frustrating it gets. I don’t want to get high, it’s not like smoking a joint. I want to make this sadness to goooooo, I want to do it, I want to see the needle draw, and I want to plunge and get the rush like never before. I’m scared, battling in the moment decisions with the consequences longterm, Using in general but using IV something I haven’t done before being a heroin addict. I’m at the crossroads of my life I seriously fucking believe that. Do I throw it all away or what…
Being told today my father blames me for my mother attempting suicide. 7 days clean off heroin and meth. 4.5 days or whatever Saturday night was since witnessing my mother’s attempt, calling the paramedics. I somehow stayed clean that night and since. This nagging thought creeping in my head, “what does it matter?”… I feel a worth of ZERO. I’ve reached out to a select few that I personally wanted to just talk too. Just talk bc I couldn’t make sense of anything and I really needed to make sense of anything at the time. I struck out, ever reminding me of my self worth or at least my self sabotaging wanting the select few to be people most likely to reject me.
Everything frustrating, everything going back and forth in my head. I can’t use, I shouldn’t use, hell I don’t even want to use… I just don’t want that but it my low, my self sabatoging I just keep coming back to “what does it matter”. I just don’t know…
Edit: Just finished talking to my mother, I can add another one to blaming me for her own suicide attempt, thanks mom. Fuck my family, I have my issues but in no way did I fucking make her take those pills, in no way I wanted to watch my mother OD. Fuck them and now I’m fucking angry!
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