Oh, @Mu9908 and @anon86726034 it’s mainly because I’m sick/coughing… Even when quitting alcohol it comes back fairly quickly. I’m using melatonin instead of benadryl which is good. I would be able to sleep if coughing wasn’t waking me up all night long, sigh
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doesn’t matter if its the 4000th your here now and your trying, you can’t do more than your best… Welcome to the mad House and I wish you well on your journey. 
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why didn’t I think of that 
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Yes sir, but I’m on the other side of it now. Started last Monday… I just have to be careful to not overdo it, which I’m famous for and did yesterday 
that’s why we are here
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Thank you Matt, as well as Dan @Dan531 
, I appreciate your concerns guys!
The main “problem” at this point is my son. He’s 16yo and in his final year of middle school (not sure if it’s middle school?) and puberty is kicking in big time. I’ve emailed his mentor yesterday, telling her I don’t know how to reach him anymore, and so I gave him some final tips for studying and now it’s up to him. I’ve got too much on my mind to handle all of his crap. She emailed me back, saying it’s up to him now anyways and it’s his responsibility. So I’ve decided to let it go, which is a really, really hard thing for me to do. To me, it’s like seeing someone walking up to a ravine voluntarily and not being able to help them. I’m a “if you want to get it done right, do it yourself” kinda person, but I’m sure a lot of people can relate to that.
I know all of this stuff is happening for a reason and I can’t control any of it, except for how I handle my own response and the rest is up to my Higher Power. Let go, let God… The fact that I’m tired all day long because of the lack of sleep really doesn’t help. My parents are both in the high risk corona category and I’m not on speaking terms with any of my siblings, that’s why I can’t (won’t) ask any of them for help and he doesn’t have any contact with his father since being born.
I’ve joined a CA-meeting this morning though, thanks to one of my NA fellas and the text that was read to us was (ofcourse) about not being able to control other people and their behaviours. Talking about synchronicity lol… Felt a bit better after. 
Tonight I’ll be joining another meeting, so I’m sure I’ll make it thru this day.
For the other part of the day I have been focusing on myself. Have been doing some gardening, reading, crocheting. I know I need to put myself first at this point and even for the following weeks and probably months. But boy, does this situation drain all of my energy.
I bet if I close my eyes right now I would sleep in no time, but I’m afraid if I do that I won’t be able to sleep later on tonight. Imma make myself some coffee now, get something to eat and wait for my meeting to start. And right after that today will be over for me and tomorrow will be another day. Hopefully not too many nightmares this time as I’m really looking forward to “rise and shine” tomorrow morning.
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It sounds like you’re taking great steps to keep your recovery going. It’s hard with kids that age, I’ve been there 3 times now (2 more to go ).
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Well… the coffee and memes are working
My Lord! I don’t know how people are able to manage all of that 
btw, I was a terrible teenager myself, so sometimes I can’t help but to think Karma is getting right back in my face lol. Thank you!
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Two years’s totally huge, awesome, and fantastic @siand. Whatever else is happening that’s something to be enormously proud of. Huge congrats lady and thanks for all you do here.
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Day 284
Yesterday was birthday and I didn’t do anything besidea make a nice dinner for myself. Stuffed pepper tacos. It was delicious and I veganized it! Believe it or not, I was my closest to drinks yesterday than I’ve been since day 1. I’ve had some rough days, however, my resolve has always stayed stronger than my desire to get drunk again. Yesterday was different. I definitely actually gave it serious consideration and talked myself into it due to it being cinco de mayo and my birthday, quarantine, boredom…I wanted to “celebrate”. I went to Facebook to be talked off the ledge, even though I was secretly wishing for justification and to be cheered on.
Let’s just say I have the best Facebook friends and I don’t regret NOT DRINKING. Cheers to another day stronger.
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Happy belated Birthday and congrats on your 284 days! 
Btw, I’m a vegan and those pepper tacos look delicious. 
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Thank you! 
They were so good. I seasoned up these chorizo crumbles and omg. Let’s just say you can’t even tell its not meat! Follow Your Heat Cheddar and daiya chedder shreds for the cheese.
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You’re right Maartje. It’s good you’re working a program and have recovery friends to help you with this. For me the big turning point in my recovery came when I realized I couldn’t do it alone - I needed fellowship with others in recovery. After that, I made significant progress. Something about having others with you on the journey - it keeps you grounded.
Speaking as a son who was 16 once too: he’ll be ok. Let him chart his course. Let him fall (and get up on his own power). He will find his way, I promise. He needs to do this on his own, as a man, find his way in the world.
For yourself, you have a right to work your life and explore new directions for yourself. This is an exciting and unfamiliar time for you. But it is a good time for you. Keep walking your path. The future is bright. 
And keep sharing your crochet work! It’s brilliant 
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This is a great share @Maria. Thanks for being so open and honest. I’ve actually had very similar dreams, where everyone tells me I’m bad and the police are coming to take me. It’s really scary. I’m sorry you’re having to experience that.
This is totally going around, right now. It’s not just you. A LOT of people are experiencing this right now. That’s not to say your feeling are the same as everyone else’s, but I’m getting that you’re lonely and I think you should know, you’re not alone with these feelings.
This might be true, or in the real world, but I think the rules are different in recovery. This is exactly the kind of raw, honest, authentic sharing that we look for.
Have you ever gone through an Intensive Outpatient Program? It’s a really positive thing. Its basically group therapy. It’s been wonderful for me and it definitely put an end to that loneliness.
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If you would like to send a card to Joost (@050Nl) who is in hospital because of surgery, here is the adres again:
He would love to have post from us! Please add The Netherlands to the adress
He’s Dutch
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Happy Birthday! AND way to go pushing through very difficult cravings!!! 
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Day 288. Been watching documentaries while I work from home. Watched a good one on Stan Lee, Dorian Yates, lots of food and fitness stuff…
Saw this last night, thought it was a perfect meme
Have a strong day!!!
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