I hope your OK bc I can’t figure this post out. You’ve got loads of people who care about you and your journey right here. 
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Congrats on 3 months man hell yeah
@Takemetothebeach Super congrats! Amazing stuff!
@TMAC I haven’t really replied because I have never experienced a breakup of such a long serious relationship, and didn’t feel that I could really offer advice or anything like that. I only want to say that reading your situation, I never think, I’m so bored of hearing this. I am just sorry you are hurting, and if letting it out here makes you feel a tiny bit better, then keep on doing it.
@Jane.c I am sorry this does not feel like a safe place for you, but I am excited for you about trying to find sober friends irl. Sometimes I wish I had people like that in my life too, but for various reasons doubt it will happen.
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your here, for now this has to be enough. Sometimes it’s hard to find the reason or motivation then one day out of the blue… Eurika!!
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3 days in
ive been here before so im keeping an eye on my ego
goodmorning everyone
cloudy with a chill here in central ma
i hope these clouds go away
stay safe
sober is better
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Morning friends 
Doing alright today. Stayed at home yesterday instead of going to work. Just not mentally feeling it… plus I had alot to do (laundry, dishes, and other cleaning etc). I’ve been in alot of emotional pain lately. Theres someone very close to me (I believe I’ve mentioned this briefly before in a post) who is almost 4 years old, who has a brainstem tumor. This tumor has caused him to need a tracheostomy to help him breathe, a vent at night to regulate his breathing, a gtube to help him eat as he cant swallow anything safely, and a wheelchair and Walker to help him get around. I have been hurting alot bcuz id do anything to take this tumor away. We found out recently that there are 3 spots of his tumor that have increased slightly. Very very small increase but still an increase none the less. I’m hurting. I had a good cry last night. Sometimes I’m just done with feeling, but at the same time, escaping my emotions does no good. It makes things worse. It prevents me from being present and in the moment. Being clean allows me to be the best I can be for not only myself, but for those around me. I’m so determiend to stay clean. Theres nothing I want more! I needed a reality check I think… I’m used to running from feelings by using. But using doesnt take away the pain, in fact it makes it worse. If I continue to stay clean, I can face these problems head on and with a clear mind. I’m praying and praying for a good outcome for that little boy. This tumor may be his demise but at least I can be there to give him the best quality of life he can have while he is here on earth 
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Ugh, my heart goes out to you! I’m praying for a little mercy for your loved one. I’ll never understand why some things in this world seem so unfair. But then I remind myself that some people touch more lives in a brief time than those who lock themselves away because they’re afraid of losing something they have no control over. You’re on the right path, quality time in the present moment is worth way more than a large quantity of time where we’re distracted. Please continue to reach out and share. Your journey is important, others need to hear it. You help us all when you seek help.
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Congratulations! What’s your favorite change so far?
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Thank u so much for ur support. I always appreciate your input I feel like he was given this path in life for a reason. I will never fully know why he was given this path but i do believe theres a reason for it.
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Wow!!! Congratulations 
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So glad to see you check in! I’ve been absent here on the forum. Just spending more time living life. I’m so so very glad to hear you are feeling better. That makes such a difference. Especially when it comes to sobriety! Keep doing the work one day at a time. Mesaage me if you need to! You know where to find me. 
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Glad you’re back here @GVLNative. I know day 1 is hard but you’ve already proven you can do hard things!! Might I suggest doing a purge of the house in case there are any other hidden temptations?? Just a thought. I know I’m not strong enough to have it in the house at this point. Keep doing the things you know that work and know we are all rooting for you! No time to be ashamed. Time to just focus on sobriety and all the good that comes with it. The past is over. Press on.
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Welcome back! You’re right! You DIDNT lose all the sober days prior and you didnt lose all you’ve learned over all those days sober. You can do this! I have total faith in you I always find it hard starting back up again when I’ve fallen too, but be gentle with yourself. Maybe give yourself some self care today. Eat a good meal, rest if you can, or doing something that makes yourself feel better. One day at a time, u will be back to where u were (if not farther this time)
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I feel ya. Anxiety is insidious. I hate that I struggle with it. Some days for no apparent reason either. I’ve been using guided meditations via an app on my phone to battle it. If you haven’t tried that I highly recommend. I use Simple Habit. Love it. Wishing you a calm and anxiety free day. 
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Day 249.
Exhausted today from our adventure building a fence this weekend. But I’m so thankful to be sober. When we finally got done yesterday after 9 hrs of hard work the husband mentioned he sure would like a beer or margarita. He is so super supportive of me he’s chosen not to drink around me or have anything in the house. But yesterday he said he just would like some credit for not drinking. Which I emphatically gave him. Then it occurred to me that before he had mentioned alcohol I had not ONCE thought about drinking or craved a drink all weekend!! So I wanted credit for that. We gave each other credit and had a fajita dinner without alcohol and ya know what? It was fine! These little victories keep me going. Waking up sober (and sore) is glorious and worth all the effort.
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Uhhhhh that just breaks my heart. Life sure as hell isn’t fair sometimes. I wish i had some magical words or power that could change that situation, my heart goes out to you and him and his family. Cherish your time with that special little angel. Im so sorry.
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Maybe punch or sweat it out? Or share it, problem shared is a problem halved and whatnot. You still kick ass, though it’s generally known that Mondays are not kick-ass. The day I learn to accept Mondays is probably the day the rapture will happen…
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It’s okay, you’ll learn from that attempt and not fall for the same trick next time. I know it’s hard to get back on the horse, damn hard But it’s the right thing to do.
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